


i'll die for you

by chocosunshine



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (Kind Of...), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Gang World, Attempted Murder, Blood, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Childhood Friends, Domestic Fluff, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Gun Violence, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Injury, Jeno cries too, Kidnapping, Light Angst, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Permanent Injury, Renjun cries a lot, Secrets, Time Skips, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocosunshine/pseuds/chocosunshine
Summary: Renjun has never been told no. And it is understandable. Who could say no to the second—and most spoiled—child of the most powerful boss of the northwest zone? Yes, no one. So, when Renjun states that the crybaby child hiding behind his back called Jeno is his friend, everyone acknowledges it as it is.Jeno does whatever Renjun tells him. He believes it is his duty as his friend. And as Jeno’s friend, Renjun does… what he thinks is the best for both of them. Time passes and life is not as easy as they think, but… they are friends. And as friends, they make a pact.They will die for each other.Little did they know that years later, one of them was going to have a gun aimed to his heart, and the other one was going to be pulling the trigger.Yes, it left a really nasty scar.*●○·○●*Renjun's quest for a normal life with Jeno, as Jeno pays too much for the tears Renjun has shed.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Moon Taeil & Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 32
Kudos: 207





	1. Stage I

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome!
> 
> I hope this brings you some distraction during this chaos.  
> Take care
> 
> Thanks, Z (the lovely person who beta-read this).

Huang Renjun has never been told no. As long as he wants it, he gets it. Although his last name does not match the one of his father, everyone bows to him when he walks in.

Well, at least all the members of the Dong Clan.

He is the second son of the Boss. The son of his favorite mistress. His mother died years ago, and Renjun does not remember much about her. According to his father, his smile is the same as hers. His last name is also hers. He’s only seven, so it is something he does not think much about.

He is spoiled, and it is well known. The few who dare to speak about it outloud have said that no one can say no to him as his father could not say no to his mother.

But Renjun knows it is not completely right. Things changed when a woman arrived. His  _ nana _ had called her “the new one.” His dad referred to her as the mother of his new sibling. He… does not like to think about her. The brown, almost-green spot on his right knee was her doing. He does not remember much about it, even though it happened only three days ago. His older brother found him on the floor and the woman crying a few steps away from him. He feels that the woman and his brother told his dad something. And that something made his dad tell him they were going on a trip.

They took a plane… and brought all of his things with them.

Renjun pouts as his eyes are fixed on the view outside the car. He does not understand the characters on the traffic signs. There is a mixture of circles and lines and circles with hats. There are mostly trees, and there are no skyscrapers.

“I need you to behave today. I am meeting friends,” his father announces.

_ Friends. _

The word resonates in Renjun’s mind as he stops peering through the window. He accommodates himself back onto the seat. His knees and ankles alienated and his back straight as his  _ nana  _ had always told him. She had to stay back with his brother and that other woman.

He is seating behind the driver. His father is by his right side. The most important person always goes on the right side he was told. His father is invested in reading some papers. Renjun does not notice a sigh leaving his lips until his father turns his head and observes him.

He quickly straightens himself, staring at the back part of the headrest.

“Are you mad?” Renjun does not answer. “Is that a yes?”

The car stops thanks to a red light.

“You are gonna leave me here, right?” His  _ nana _ had told him that he was going to be away for a long time and that he should take care of himself meanwhile.

His father clears his throat and, from the corner of his eyes, Renjun notices that he puts down the papers on his lap. He tugs the seatbelt a little, freeing himself a bit in order to lean close to Renjun.

Renjun keeps his eyes glued to the headrest.

“No. You are moving here to take care of the business. You are the one who is leaving.” 

Renjun scoffs. “I don’t want to take care of them. I wanna go home.”

“You are home. Here, in Korea. Here is your home.”

Renjun clenches his jaw, making some of his teeth grind with each other

“Look. I choose you to come here because I know you are the only one able to take care of the business. Remember that you told me you wanted to help me. I thought about it and decided that  _ you _ will help me like that. I trust you with that.”

“What about brother?”

His father tilts closer.

“You… are better than him. You are the one I trust with this. I need to have an eye on him, but you are different.” Green light, the car moves again. “It is a favor you are doing to me.” His father clears his throat again. “It is like you are working for me. You are one now one of the heads. Actually, you will be the head of this part when I am not here.”

That catches his attention. Renjun turns to face him.

“Will I not see you again? Are you never to come back?”

His father smiles seeing the frown of the seven-year-old.

“I cannot stay here. You know that I do many things that need me… there. But I will come back.” The pout on Renjun’s lips becomes pronounced. “You will not be alone. One of my friends will be with you. You can ask him for what you need, and he will help you, okay?” Renjun remains quiet. He has his arms crossed over his chest now. His father returns himself back to his seat. One of his hands is over his face, trying to push flat those premature wrinkles.

The driver announces that they are least that two streets away from their destination. He takes a deep breath. He does not want to deal with a grumpy seven-year-old while having to establish an alliance with the new distributor of the east zone.

_ Okay, time to bribe. _

“Remember what I told you? That this is a favor you are doing for me. Remember what I told you about favors? You pay one with another.” Renjun still has a frown on his face. “Ask me whatever you want, Renjun.” The car stops. They have arrived “I own you. Whatever you want, I will give it to you.”

*·. •°• · •°• .·*

The ‘meeting’ here is as the ones Renjun is used to. Men in suits, women with their hairs tied, serving liquor. There is also food and people who laugh too loud while smoking cigarettes. Also, there no one is there to play with. As soon as the food is placed and he is sitting by his father’s side, he notices that he is the only child there. It was easy for him to inspect the place with the table of his father placed in front of the room and facing all the rest. Back there, his brother was usually also there with him. He never wanted to play with him, but at least he was always beside him.

Now that the dinner has ended and everyone is chatting, he feels bored. His right eye itches, making him rub it with the back of his hand.

“Tired?”

He shakes his head. The man who had asked him that keeps staring at him. Renjun stares back.

_ Moon Tae Il _ , that was the name of the man. He clearly remembers his name because his father had told him that he was his friend. Renjun was not sure if it was true because Mr. Moon looked too young to be friends with his father. When Renjun asked for his age, he had told him to be 24. He is old, but not that old. Then, Mr. Moon proceeded to explain to him that his father had been friends with his father. And now that his father was not there, he is “the right hand.”

Yes, Renjun understands that Moon Tae Il is going to be the one in charge of looking after him.

“What?” Mr. Moon asks.

“Bathroom” His lips disappear into a line. “I can go alone. I just… had to tell someone when I go.”

It takes seconds for Mr. Moon to understand.

“Ah, so your father does not think you… Yes. I thought you… Yes.”

Renjun restrains himself from furrowing his eyebrow.

Yes, last time he had fallen asleep under one of the tables, which resulted to half of the staff of the house being fired.

“Alone,” he quickly points out, noticing Mr. Moon standing beside him. His father, as soon as the dinner ended, had received a certain call and was yet to come back.

“You sure? Do you–”

“I went when we arrived. I know where it is. I will be back soon.”

Luckily for him, someone approaches the table, distracting Mr. Moon. He quickly makes his way out of the room.

*·. •°• · •°• .·*

The house is big. Not as huge as the one he used to live in until yesterday, but, like that one, the guards, the people who clean, the people who cook live here, too. Around fifteen people were at the entrance to welcome his father and him.

Those that had to protect him, and those he had to protect.

Renjun does not feel completely bad. Mr. Moon had showed many new things they had bought for him now that he was going to stay here. And his father has kept repeating that, as long as he wishes for whatever, he gets it. He feels alright with it.

He will miss his  _ nana  _ for sure. And… just a little, he will miss his brother, too.

The house only has one floor. The house is surrounded by a brick wall all around it. As soon as you enter the main gate, there is a small road no longer than a couple of meters with bushes at each side. The house is made of wood, and most of the doors had to be slid to be opened.  _ Traditional _ , is how Mr. Moon had described it. The house itself had been divided into three different spaces. One for work—as soon as you enter the lobby to the left, there are shoes and coats and guns. Separated by a paper wall, a living room wherein the dinner of that night had taken place. Mr. Moon had mentioned about there also being an office. Then, beyond the hall at the center were the rooms. His room and probably the room his father was going to use when he visited were also there. Another big hall divided the third part, where the kitchen and some other storerooms were located. Also, all those at the right side of the house had a garden. A big one that all of the halls separating the house connected to. And that is where Renjun found himself at the moment, having lost his way back.

It was fall. The cold breeze made him shiver as soon as he slid the door open and the garden appeared. Renjun sighed.

The wall that surrounded the house was covered with leaves.

_ Ivy? _

He does not know the name, but it looked spooky… and pretty.

The place is dark. There are no trees, but there are bushes at one of the entrances, and… a stranger.

“Who are you?” The question that Renjun pronounced freezes the intruder in place. Renjun approaches the bushes, and a small figure is there. Another kid is there. “What are you doing here?” The tone is accusatory, and the kid is still crunching on the floor hugging himself. He is sobbing.

Slowly, the other child raises his head hidden between his knees. The light is almost nonexistent, but Renjun notices the thick round glasses on the other’s face and the tears on his cheeks. The hair of the boy is too long that it almost covers his eyes.

Renjun observes him.

The boy is scared.

“Who are you?” Third time he asks, first time that there is an answer.

Renjun does not understand what the boy says.

Renjun sighs.

The boy rambles on for a couple more seconds and starts crying again.

*·. •°• · •°• .·*

Renjun is sitting next to the boy, who is now munching a chocolate bar that Mr. Moon had given to him sometime before dinner. It had melted a little but the boy did not seem to mind. Both were sitting on the cold dirt next to the bushes.

“Try it again.  _ REN-JUN _ .” He exaggerates the sounds because, for some reason, it was difficult for the other boy.

“R-Ron. Jin.”

Renjun sighs.

“REN.”

“RON.”

“R-E-N.”

“Ren.”

“Renjun.”

“Renjin.”

“Renjun.”

“Ronjun.”

The exasperated sigh that Renjun makes causes a laugh.

“ _ Yah _ , Jeno. Stop laughing.” Renjun feels offended. It only took him to bang on his chest three times for Jeno to understand that Renjun was asking for his name. As soon as Renjun heard it, he repeated it correctly. But it seemed that Jeno could not do the same.

Soon, Jeno’s laugh stops. He sniffles and arranges the eyeglasses that had slipped from the bridge of his nose. Renjun observes him.

His nose seems to be a little red. His lower eyelashes stick to his skin because of the tears that had dried up. A little of the chocolate is on the corner of his lips.

Renjun smiles.

“You shouldn’t cry.”

Jeno tilts his head not understanding what he has been told.

Renjun smiles again.

Jeno smiles too.

“Renjun.”

Before Renjun can congratulate Jeno for saying his name right, a door opens.

Three men appear.

Renjun cannot understand what they say, but they are yelling. Not at him, he knows, because no one have ever yelled at him, and because Jeno is trembling by his side.

Mr. Moon appears behind them.

Whatever he was going to say freezes on his lips as his eyes notice Jeno.

Jeno starts crying again.

*·. •°• · •°• .·*

Renjun blinks seeing the scene.

There is a woman kneeling on the floor crying.

His father is sitting in front of her as she asks for something to him.

“His husband used to work for us,” Mr. Moon mentions to his father. The screams of the woman do not let him understand completely what else Mr. Moon is saying, since he tilted closer to his father.

His father’s eyes soon leave the woman as Mr. Moon keeps whispering into his ear. The eyes of Renjun follow the same path as his father’s.

Jeno is by her side. Tears, whimpers, and hiccups are making all his body move.

“Quiet.” The stern voice of his father makes even him jump a little bit. Silence is what follows. The woman covers her own mouth, but Jeno’s whimpers are still audible. Renjun sees his father stand up. Jeno and the woman shrink themselves.

The woman has her forehead on the floor, and Jeno is fisting his own clothes.

Renjun wonders about it being fall and Jeno only using a shirt during the night.

“You came into my house,” His father speaks. “Not only taking from it without giving something in exchange, but also bringing your child here.” Mr. Moon translates as his father wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. “Here, we don’t like parasites. If you work for us, you deserve to take from us. But I don’t see our mark on you.”

Renjun knows about it. A tattoo. The crest of the clan. It resembles a snake.

As Mr. Moon ends talking, the woman cries again.

“They don’t have anywhere else to go. She thought that since her hus–” His father raises his hand, and Mr. Moon goes quiet. Whatever the woman had said is lost.

Renjun eyes are on the woman on the floor.

_ His mother. _

Jeno keeps trembling, and Renjun knows the glasses on his face must be blurred by his tears.

Renjun blinks again.

His father approaches the woman.

Renjun thinks for a second that he is going to step on her.

“After he had done all of that. You think–” In the next second, Renjun feels the need to talk. He does it.

“Father.” The term he uses when there is more than four people in the room, and he does not know one of them at least. All the eyes are on him now.

He interrupted the Boss.

All the eyes are on him but one pair. The ones of the person he had been staring at since they were brought here from the garden. “I want him.”

No one says a thing for a couple of seconds. His father frowns, confused more than anything.

“Sorry, sir. We will take him to his room.” Before Mr. Moon can give the order, his father raises again his hand. A signal for him to continue.

Without feeling a drop of fear, he says, “The favor, remember?” His father stares at him. “You told me that you owed me, remember?” His father does not move. “I want Jeno.”

That catches the attention of the boy, who quickly turns his head to his direction. He surely caught his name on Renjun’s lips.

Red cheeks. Red nose. Red lips. Red eyes.

No one dares to say a thing. The stoic expression on the face of his father does not change.

“You want him?” A nod. Renjun goes closer. “Is he… your friend?”

Their eyes connect.

Renjun was right. Jeno’s glasses are stained by his tears.

An absolute silence.

A beat of his heart is all that takes for Renjun to answer.

“Yes. Jeno is my friend.” Renjun smiles. Jeno looks confused.

“Jeno?” Jeno jumps a bit hearing his father say his name. Without wasting a second Renjun goes closer to them. Evading the woman on the floor, he manages to catch Jeno’s hand.

Renjun interwines their fingers.

“Friends,” Renjun says, eyeing Mr. Moon.

“Friends,” Mr. Moon replies—the untold request.

Renjun repeats the foreign word.

Jeno looks at him.

“Friends.” Jeno keeps looking at him. Renjun smiles. Jeno’s cold fingers distract him. Yes, Renjun was right. It was weird for Jeno to use only a shirt during fall. Renjun makes a mental note to keep their hands together until Jeno is warm again. “Can we go to my room?”

His father stares at him.

Renjun blinks.

“Yes… you and your friend can go.”

Renjun smiles.

“Come. I want to show you what I have brought.”

Without sparing a second glance at the room, Renjun drags Jeno out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tae Il slides the door open. Renjun’s suitcases are wide open, and the room is a mess. In the middle there is Renjun, babbling to the confused kid, who does not understand a thing he says. Tae Il calls his name.
> 
> “Your friend needs–”
> 
> “Jeno,” he interrupts. Tae Il clears his throat.
> 
> “Jeno needs to go.”
> 
> “To his house?"
> 
> “No, his room. His mother… He lives here.” Now, Tae Il feels the need to add, but he does not do it. “It’s late. Both of you need to sleep.”
> 
> Renjun blinks at him in silence for a couple of seconds. Tae Il considers it creepy.
> 
> “He is going to sleep here. With me.” Not even a question. Jeno’s eyes moves between them not knowing they are talking about him. Tae Il gulps.
> 
> Renjun keeps rambling stories about a cartoon he likes. Some water from the stream of the shower enters his mouth, making him choke.
> 
> Tae Il sights as he keeps shampooing Jeno’s hair.
> 
> “Yes. Second in command. The right hand,” he says to himself. Jeno hears him and stares at him.
> 
> Not as creepy as Renjun.
> 
> He looks like a lost puppy.
> 
> “Go. Rinse it. Don’t forget to scrub behind your ears,” he tells the kid.


	2. Stage II - 1

Huang Renjun recognizes that there are a couple of things he cannot change no matter how much he asks Mr. Moon for them.

The first one, that school starts at 8 no matter what. Even during winter.

The second one, that he has to use that ugly tie which does not match the itchy gray wool sweater of his uniform.

Third and most important thing, that he cannot change the seating arrangement of his class.

_“I already asked your teacher for you two to be on the same classroom, Junnie. I can’t ask her to change someone else. And no, I can’t ask to change your classmate’s seat.”_

He truly felt helpless being a student of middle school.

He did not mind having to sit far from Jeno. What he did mind was that Na Jaemin was sitting right next to Jeno.

He truly hates that.

He truly hates Na Jaemin.

Renjun considers the day both him and Jeno got into middle school as the day things went wrong. It all started because of Na Jaemin.

For some reason, Renjun ended up on a different class. Something that had never happened during elementary school. Renjun had asked for permission to go to the bathroom and there he had managed to call Mr. Moon from his phone. Since Mr. Moon was out of town for a meeting, he told Renjun he would talk with the principal once he was back. Renjun was mad, but he promised Mr. Moon that he was going to behave. Mr. Moon had told him that the very next day things will be arranged. Renjun believed that one day was not so bad, and he will see Jeno during their lunch break. What he did not expected was to find Na Jaemin hanging onto Jeno’s arm once he arrived at the cafeteria. Renjun felt his blood boil. Like a leech, he had been hugging Jeno. When Renjun went closer, he dared to ask if he needed something from them. He did not wait for Jeno to say anything. He took Jeno’s arm and dragged him out of the cafeteria, far from Na Jaemin.

_“Don’t touch my friend.”_

Those were the first words he had said to him. From that day onwards, he considered Na Jaemin as an enemy. One of the high ranks that needed to be eliminated.

Mr. Moon had negated his request to make Jaemin disappear. And he stopped asking for it when Jeno demanded him to do so.

He sighs, tired.

He knows the seat arrangement had to with grades. Jeno, although being almost blind without his glasses, is top of their class. And Na Jaemin is second place. He… he knows his father did not mind at all his grades, and Mr. Moon had mentioned that his bad grades brought balance.

 _Making an average between you both doesn’t make it look so bad_. 

He knows Jeno’s efforts had to do with the fact that Renjun’s family paid for his tuition. However, Renjun considers Jeno’s efforts not necessary. Jeno is supposed to attend a public school, but that also meant that Renjun was going to attend a public school, since he proclaimed he would not go anywhere without him. Mr. Moon let his shoulders drop and the very next day enrolled both of them into the same school. Jeno had already paid for his studies, since Renjun got in the school Mr. Moon considered “appropriate.”

Fair deal is what Renjun believed it was.

However, Renjun knows how caring Jeno is about his grades—spending hours crouched in Renjun’s room studying—so he did not dare to ask for them to have the same grades.

While Renjun is stuck on the front row, Jeno and Jaemin are at the end.

Renjun sighs, tired.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

A bump on his shoulder makes him drop the two packages of strawberry milk in his hands.

Renjun clenches his jaw.

“Sorry. I di–”

“Didn’t see me? Really?”

Jaemin bites his bottom lip.

 _Yeah_ , Renjun thinks, _let’s pretend you did not do it on purpose._ It’s only me who knows the bad side of Na Jaemin.

He recalls telling people that Jaemin made fun of his accent while everyone stated that he almost did not have an accent. Yeah, Jaemin even tricked people.

Renjun picks both of the milk cartons, inspecting them to see which was the least damaged to hand in it to Jeno. He slowly turns his head to the side, noticing the boy staring at him.

“You still here?” The hostile tone of his voice was clearly perceived by those passing by their sides. Jaemin observes him for a couple of seconds before releasing a groan. He even throws his head back.

“You are insufferable.” Na Jaemin and his antics.

“Me? I’m insufferable?”

“Yes. You and your complex with me.”

“ _Me_ having a complex with _you_?” Renjun mocks.

“You think I hate you.”

“You hate me.”

Another groan.

“The world doesn’t go revolve you. I don’t even care what you do.” Renjun has not noticed his knuckles are becoming white, thanks to his tight grip on what are in his hands. “I’m sorry to be the one taking you out of your bubble, but no one really cares about you. No one wakes up planning how to bother you. All of it is in your mind. Get over it.”

Without waiting for an answer, Na Jaemin turns on his heels and leaves him there.

“And what about you?” Jaemin does not stop his tracks. Oh, no. No one dares to talk to Huang Renjun like that and leaves without hearing a piece of his mind.

As Jaemin does not seem to be stopping, Renjun does not have any other choice but to call for his attention.

The carton of milk hits Jaemin on the back of his head. Right where Renjun had aimed.

Renjun grins, seeing the expression on Jaemin’s face.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

Renjun could still feel the buzzing of Mr. Moon’s voice in his ear.

_“I can’t believe you attacked one of your classmates.”_

Renjun considers things were blown out of proportion, since he had only choked Jaemin for 4 seconds before someone had taken him off of him. Their P.E. teacher. So, Renjun remains with the idea that he did not _‘attack’_ Jaemin. Things were not that bad. The principal had phone called Jaemin’s mom and, in his case, Mr. Moon. Neither of them was bleeding or anything, so… they were scolded and asked to stay after class on cleaning duty.

So, yeah. Mr. Moon was exaggerating as always.

Jaemin curses.

Renjun snickers, knowing Jaemin stubbed his fingers against the drawer of the teacher’s desk. He quickly pretends not see it and keeps scrubbing a spot on the window. He could feel Jaemin’s burning gaze on the back of his head.

However, somehow, they remain in silence.

They have been left alone. And they would have remained alone if there was not an impromptu visit.

Jeno’s glasses are no longer round, but rectangular. His hair still long to cover part of his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun jumps off of one of the desks located close to the windows since he could not reach by himself all their corners. Jeno enters the saloon, quietly closing the door. “What are you doing here?” Renjun repeats again. “Your practice doesn’t end until four.”

Jeno is a member of the school’s soccer team. And Renjun was once also a member. Although everyone considered it as Renjun having been expelled from the team, he recalls it as him abandoning them. Although that is something Mr. Moon does not know. According to Mr. Moon, both Renjun and Jeno are members of the team. Renjun always has an excuse for him not being on the benches when there is a match. It is not that Renjun is afraid of telling Mr. Moon that he had stopped being a member of the team for more than a year. But since he was no longer on the team, Mr. Moon would send for them to be picked up sooner. He knows it means that Jeno would have to abandon the team because Renjun is not going to allow him to go back home alone. Renjun does not want to Jeno to leave the team because he knows Jeno liked it. So, as all Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, Renjun waits for Jeno’s practice to end. Even when there are meetings that last an extra hour, he always waits for Jeno.

It must probably be 3:30, and since Jeno’s hair is wet, he knows he has not skipped practice.

Jeno pretends he can’t hear him, continuing to approach him. He takes the damp cloth Renjun was using to clean the windows in his hands. He averts from Renjun’s gaze for a couple of seconds, but as Renjun crosses his arms in front of his chest, he knows he needs to tell him the truth.

“I came to help you.” Renjun has one of his eyebrows raised “I asked for permission. The coach told me it was okay.” Jeno presses his lips into a fine line, and Renjun sighs and soon after smiles.

“I only need to clean the board and take the notebooks to the teacher’s room.”

Jeno nods.

Renjun’s mood falls remembering he was not alone. Na Jaemin is seeing them. Glaring at them.

Renjun knows that face. The face which, two years ago, Jaemin made when Renjun had taken Jeno away from him in the cafeteria. The same face he always does when he tries to talk to Jeno and Renjun intervenes. Jeno always ends leaving Jaemin all alone.

Renjun smiles at him.

“Jeno, here.” He calls passing his arm around Jeno’s shoulders. They have the same height, so it is easy for him.

Jaemin keeps staring at them.

_You can’t do this, Na Jaemin. You can’t even touch him_

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

“I forgot.” Renjun stops in his tracks. Jaemin, who was behind them after closing the classroom, also stops. “I left my uniform on the locker. I have to go.”

Renjun nods. “Wait for you at the main gate?”

“Yes, I’ll see you there.”

Renjun waves as a farewell, although he knows that in less than five minutes they’ll see each other again. Jeno waves back.

Jeno disappears as he goes down the stairs. He’s running.

Renjun takes his time.

“You know they call him your pet, right?”

“What?”

Jaemin walks faster, going in front of him now. “People. They say Jeno is your pet.”

Oh, no. That no.

“Who?”

Jaemin bites his bottom lip for a couple of seconds but turns, going down the stairs without a reply. 

“Jaemin!”

They are now on the first floor. Jaemin walks away.

“Who said that?”

Renjun waits for an answer, but there’s none.

He jumps in front of Jaemin to get his attention.

“You should have better asked _why_ they said that.” Jaemin tries to push Renjun to the side, but he does not move at all.

“Who said that about Jeno?”

Jaemin debates for a couple of seconds with himself before telling him. “Everyone. _I mean._ I think even the teachers think that. You know… people like you have… pets.” Jaemin manages to move Renjun.

“What does that mean?”

“They know about you.”

“What they know about me?”

Jaemin smiles. All of his teeth show. He is enjoying this.

“About your family.” Renjun feels a punch in his stomach. “There’s a rumor. About your father being a member of the mafia.” Renjun gulps. Jaemin notices it. “That is why no one knows him. That that short man that always comes to the parents’ meetings is your father’s subordinate and not your uncle. That that is why the teachers never say anything about your grades and treat you different.” Renjun does not know what to say. “People say you are the heir of a criminal empire. And, as any heir, you have people by your side to… entertain you. Jeno… is your pet. Whatever you say or ask, he does it. Didn’t you ask him not to talk to me again?” Yes, he did. “Or to anyone? You wanted him for yourself. Whenever you are, he is behind you. Moving his tail when he sees you.”

“Stop.”

“What? Is it true, right? He’s your toy.”

“He’s my friend.”

Jaemin snorts. Renjun feels his lower lip tremble. “He’s not your friend. It isn’t like he likes you. He has to pretend he likes you because your dad will do something to him if he upsets you. You are his obligation.”

•·°.°·•·

“Bad day?” Johnny, Mr. Moon’s right hand and the one in charge of always picking them up, asks.

No one says a thing. Johnny moves the rear-view mirror, trying to take a look at the back seat. Renjun is sitting on the right side, and Jeno is on the left. And odd empty seat between them. Renjun is staring outside with his head resting on the window. A pout and a frown adorn his face. Jeno is staring at him. Concern tainting his face.

“When do pre-teens have a nice day?” he mumbles to himself turning his attention to the road.

•·°.°·•·

“This isn’t because of the incident at school, right? You told me he only chocked that Na kid. I mean, isn’t it good? Renjun doesn’t like him; he choked him. Or is he upset because he didn’t choke him enough?” Tae Il glares at him. Since Renjun, as soon as he reached the house, has asked to be left alone and didn’t want to eat, they had suspected something was not right.

Johnny raises his shoulders and hands, trying to convey cluelessness. Tae Il rolls his eyes, concentrating his attention on the papers on his desks. Johnny comes closer, stealing a candy. Tae Il had always had boxes of sweets on his desk or in every corner of his office. Gifts. This week, there are strawberry flavored candies.

“I don’t think so. Jeno told me he doesn’t know and… I noticed he doesn’t even want to talk with him. Renjun went straight to his room, avoiding him.”

“Oh. That’s bad.” Tae Il hums in response. The attention of the older focuses on the paper on his hand forgetting for a while about that drama. “Well, it’s Wednesday. I give them until Friday.”

Johnny puts the candy inside his mouth. Tae Il hums again, and Johnny laughs, seeing him squint, trying to read that paper.

Johnny chokes on the candy as he is trying to mention something about the loss of vision due the unuse of glasses.

Tae Il cracks a little smile.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

It is Thursday, and Renjun is sitting outside the library.

He feels tired.

As soon as the bell rang, announcing the end of classes, he took his backpack and ran there. He had not been in a good mood since yesterday. He only wants to sleep for a bit; he spent the whole night tossing and turning on bed, thinking and thinking.

It is spring, so the weather is nice for him to take a nap outside. He is laying on one of the banquettes outside the library. A tree close to the building provides shade for him. He tries to fall asleep, knowing it will make the time pass faster until Jeno is done with practice.

_Jeno._

Renjun closes his eyes trying to leave his mind in blank.

“Hi.”

Too soon.

Renjun does not open his eyes but hears him coming closer. No one says a thing for a couple of seconds. Renjun gives up.

“Did you skip practice?” Renjun props himself up making room for Jeno to sit by his side. Jeno waits a couple of seconds before doing it. He does not answer because there is no need for an answer.

Renjun stares at some petals that had fallen from the tree that is providing them shade. They had been smashed by someone stepping on them. Their bright yellow color is mixed with a dark brown.

He had avoided Jeno since yesterday, too. They had not talked at all. He even skipped lunch, hiding in the bathroom.

In that moment, he also notices that he feels hungry.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Renjun rapidly snaps his head to his side. Jeno has his eyes locked on him. The corners of his lips downwards.

“No. Nothing. You–”

_“He has to pretend he likes you because your dad will do something to him if he upsets you.”_

Jaemin’s words echo in his head.

Renjun’s chest constricts.

“Jun?” There is preoccupation in Jeno’s voice.

Renjun’s voice flutters. “Am I your friend?” He blinks hurriedly trying to dissipate the tears. 

“What?” Incredulity.

“I–I know that my family is dangerous. I know that what we do is not good, and most people are afraid of us, but you don’t have to be. I won’t let them do anything to you. You don’t have to worry.”

“I don’t understand you. I–”

Renjun sobs. He did not notice when the tears started to fall.

“You don’t have to be with me i–if you don’t want to. You can go and make friends. You don’t need to do what I tell you. You–You–” His voice breaks, and he whimpers.

Renjun is not aware his hands were trembling until Jeno cupped them in his.

Renjun cries for a while. Jeno does not let go of his hands.

Renjun is sobbing but is calmer when he asks him, “Am I an obligation for you?”

Jeno shakes his head.

“We are friends.” Jeno takes a deep breath. “I’m your friend, Jun. I’m with you because… I want to be with you. I don’t understand that about your family, but… I’m not afraid of you. I don’t want any other friend. I want only you.” Renjun cleans with the back of a hand a tear that had rolled down his cheek.

A warm breeze rustles the leaves of the tree. Some yellow petals fall too.

“We are friends, Jun. When I do things you say, it’s because I know you will feel happy when I do them. Junnie, I… we are friends. You are not an obligation. Why do you–” Jeno shakes his head again, half angry, half confused. He inhales all the air his lungs allow him and exhales all of the air. He has taken courage to say his next words “Renjun, I… I like you. I–I like you, and that’s why I am with you. We–We are friends and I–” Jeno stumbles on his words but stops, seeing the smile on Renjun’s face.

A beat of his heart is all that takes for Renjun to jump into his arms.

All the rest of Jeno's speech is never said.

Renjun hugs Jeno tight.

None of them says anything else.

Jeno holds him close.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

Renjun’s stomach grumbles. They are still on the banquette.

Jeno frowns and shakes his head.

It is still too early for Johnny to arrive.

“Come,” Jeno says, standing up. He takes his backpack and extends his hand towards Renjun. “Let’s look for something to eat.”

Renjun sniffles and nods. “I want those jellies that taste like yogurt.”

Renjun takes his backpack and takes Jeno’s hand while standing up.

Jeno smiles.

Renjun feels a lot way better. He… is happy. As they walk, leaving the library and the tree behind, sunlight starts bathing them. Walking right besides Jeno under the sun makes him notice how some parts of Jeno’s hair seem to be of another color.

His heart squeezes on itself in the middle of his chest.

Jeno stops with a curious expression on his face. They are still holding hands, and… Renjun had gripped his hand with too much strength.

_I like you._

Renjun shakes his head. Before turning around and continuing to walk, Jeno’s grasp on his hand tightens.

Renjun lets Jeno lead the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “We need to take Renjun to the doctor.” Tae Il raises his eyebrows as a form of question. He cannot speak since he has scoped a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “Haven’t you seen him? His cheeks are always red, and he seems to be so distracted. This morning he ran through the wall of the living room, he almost pierced the paper,” Johnny adds, taking the spoon in Tae Il’s hands before diving it with ice cream into his mouth.
> 
> “Jeno cut his hair.” Tae Il crunches his nose seeing that Johnny started taking the pieces of cookies on the ice cream. He stands from the kitchen counter looking for another spoon.
> 
> “And?”
> 
> Tae Il snaps the pint of ice cream from Johnny’s hands. Tae Il raises one of his eyebrows and if he would have been using his prescribed eyeglasses, he would have been peering over them.
> 
> Johnny keeps sulking, confused.
> 
> “Puberty. He is going through puberty.”
> 
> “I don’t think so. At his age, I used to devour everything on the fridge, but today he only took a bite of his meal. I seriously think he is sick.” He tries to take another spoon of ice cream, but Tae Il is faster.
> 
> Tae Il closes the container.
> 
> “It’s normal. It would take him sometime before it… goes away.” He puts the dessert back in the freezer.
> 
> “You sure?”
> 
> Tae Il contemplates it for a couple of seconds.
> 
> “No.” He drops the dirty spoons into the sink.


	3. Stage II - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is blood and a fight (not in that order)
> 
> TAKE CARE!!!
> 
> Thanks, Z

Renjun has his eyes closed. His breath is slow, and his body is relaxed. His mind is filled by music. The volume of his earphones will cause a scolding from Mr. Moon for being too loud.

He is in his room. He is laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Old glow-in-the-dark stars are on it. He has been pretending for the last hour that there is nothing hanging from his wardrobe.

A suit.

The suit he will have to use for the party. Today, he is seventeen. Tomorrow, he will be eighteen.

The song changes and for those couple of seconds of silence he manages to hear someone coming into his room.

_Jeno._

He knows it is him because he is the only one who can barge into his room like that. Maybe his father, too, but it has never happened. He knows it is Jeno because people will keep knocking until he opens the door even if it takes him an hour. It has happened before. Mr. Moon scolded him later for that too.

Renjun opens his eyes. Jeno does not spare him a glance as he is concentrated on looking for something on Renjun’s desk. He takes out his earphones.

“I thought you were sleeping.” Jeno finds the book he was searching for and turns, seeing Renjun rubbing his eyes.

Renjun smiles tiredly as he properly sits on his bed. He pats the spot next to him for Jeno to sit. He does it.

The mattress deepens where Jeno is. That makes Renjun tilt until their arms brush with each other. Renjun puts his head on his shoulder.

Renjun notices that the book in Jeno’s hands is History. They have a test in three days. They are on their last year of high school.

“I wanted you to come,” Renjun says as his cheek rubs on Jeno’s shoulder.

Jeno lets out a soft laugh.

“You know I can’t.”

Jeno has been forbidden to appear in any of the ‘meetings’ his family hosted since he was fourteen. Johnny had told him that it was something with him being safe. But Renjun, deep in his heart, knows it had to be with his father getting mad for the fuzz Renjun made when some member of another clan stepped on Jeno, and Renjun demanded an apology.

It happened years ago, and Renjun apologized to Mr. Moon, who ended up being hit by said member when he intervened, seeing that the man did not recognize Renjun and was going to… show him how to respect his elders.

Renjun snuggles closer, feeling pleased by the warmth of Jeno’s body. Without noticing, his head ends up resting on Jeno’s lap.

Automatically, he closes his eyes.

Jeno’s fingers start smoothing his hair. He tries to brush some tugs of his hair that are disheveled.

“But I still want you to come,” he whines, and the vibration caused by another laugh from Jeno reaches him. He does not know, but he is whining. “I don’t want to deal with Donghyuck and Yangyang alone. You know how they are.”

The presence of Na Jaemin is a constant pain five days a week with a schedule of 7 to 4. At least when they are at home, he doesn’t have to deal with him. However, other nightmares had arrived during the course of the last years. Lee Donghyuck is the only son and heir of the Clan Lee, which controlled the center of the country and the port city. They also had under their control the Western Channel. Yeah, a powerful family. The third most important clan. Liu Yangyang is the fourth son of Donghyuck’s father’s sister. Renjun does not keep track of why he is a person of interest, but Tae Il has told him something about him having too many sisters and _please, don’t even try_.

Yeah, he does not like those cousins that behaved like Siamese twins.

They always manage to pick on him. When they met for the first time, they had made fun of his snaggletooth. And now, after three years of braces, they made fun of his height.

“You can survive.”

Renjun whines again and Jeno laughs again.

The view that Renjun has from his lap in some way accentuates the crescents of Jeno’s eyes when he laughs.

_He looks so… good._

Renjun blushes at the common thought in his head and quickly withdraws from his lap. Jeno’s hand fall on the duvet.

He instinctively misses Jeno’s touch.

“You should get ready,” Jeno warns.

Renjun hums in response, leaving the bed. His fingers graze the suit while his head is turned, seeing Jeno on his bed.

While Jeno is busy cleaning his glasses with the hem of his cream sweater, Renjun peers at him.

Jeno notices it, and their eyes connect for a second.

Jeno cracks a little smile.

Renjun turns quickly.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

Renjun is standing on a corner of the room.

He is bored. People are talking.

And his father and his brother are there. He has not seen the latter in four years, but, honestly, by the unemotional response his brother gave him two days ago when they arrived, he knows neither of them had missed the presence of each other.

“Has your brother smiled once on his lifetime?” Johnny asks with a cup full of cola in his hand. He does not drink anything but beer and not when Mr. Moon is stressed.

Renjun inspect his brother, who is nodding to something someone from some clan is telling him. His face is stoic, and the only clue that he is not a robot is that, from time to time, he blinks. Four times in the span of a minute, maybe.

Yeah, Dong Sicheng’s resting bitch face is legendary. 

Well, the Dong family’s resting bitch face is legendary.

“When he was a child...” Renjun takes a step closer to Johnny. The man has to slouch in order to catch the faint tone with which Renjun is speaking. Those that surround them are quite curious seeing the second heir of the Clan Dong whispering something in a bodyguard’s ear. “... something happened to him. Something that changed him forever. Him and dad.” Johnny gulps and nods, curious. Renjun clears his throat. “There had been an old feud between our family and–” Johnny leans closer to the point Renjun’s lips almost kisses his ear. He does not perceive the grin on the younger’s lips.

Being the most dramatic and secretive, Renjun tells him a story about someone cursing his brother over a broken promise and broken orchids.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it. It must have been hard,” Johnny responds to the story.

He takes twenty seconds to notice that that was all a lie and Renjun is making fun of him.

Renjun chuckles. It was too simple to only say that his brother had not been born with a heart and the feeling of empathy. Cold.

“ _You_! Kid, how–” Johnny stops himself. Too loud.

Renjun bites his lips trying to not laugh.

People are watching them.

From nowhere, he appears.

“Hey,” The _e_ is prolonged as he waltzes close to Johnny. Mr. Moon has a smile on his face, but Renjun catches the way his hand goes to Johnny’s arm. Johnny suppresses the yelp caused by Tae Il’s pinch. “Behave,” He says to the both of them between his teeth, still smiling.

Renjun tries not to laugh seeing how comically open Mr. Moon’s eyes are, and his eyebrows communicate to Johnny warnings.

Renjun turns his head to the crow again.

His older brother’s eyes are on him. It only lasted two seconds. As he had been a stranger, Sicheng continues his chat with that other man.

Renjun is still looking at him. He wonders if he is like that with their little sister, too. Renjun has never seen her. He is still not sure how her name is pronounced, too, because no one had ever told him.

His thoughts are forgotten as he notices his father approaching Sicheng. He puts an arm around him. Someone clanks a glass with a fork. Those who were not already watching them stop what they are doing and put all of their attention on them.

“The Clan Dong appreciates the presence of you all,” his father announces hugging Sicheng close.

Renjun’s lower lip trembles as he averts his eyes to the floor.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

He feels glad to be light-footed. As he tiptoes across the wooden floor, there is no sound. He is quiet as a mouse as he slides the door open.

The garden.

He smiles to himself. He had sneaked out of his own birthday party.

He knows his celebration had not been the priority of the quorum of the night. His father had certain deals to close and wanted to show Sicheng around since not many knew his face on that part of the planet. They had not even brought a cake.

Being the quietest as possible, he goes through the garden. The usual way of going from the ‘work’ section of the house to the rooms was through the hall from where he had arrived in the garden. But the door connecting the two spaces had been locked on Mr. Moon’s instructions. Which was not so paranoid, considering that at least one representative of the other thirteen different clans which had a glass-like alliance had been invited. That, without considering their own guards and other additional members. One of the priorities of Mr. Moon had been to maintain in secret Johnny's collection of teddy bears out of everyone’s mouth. That, and to prevent any assassination under his watch and recently painted house.

So Renjun had no other choice but to enter through the second hall. The one close to the kitchen. Yes, he had to wait until dinner was over and no one was coming with food on the same trail through the garden.

He tries to push the door open, but it is strangely hard. He tries again, and nothing. He does not have to try for a third time because this time it opens itself.

No, it is not automatic.

Renjun’s heart jumps inside his ribcage. A response like he was scared. That, and… that was Jeno there.

“I thought you will have come earlier,” Jeno stretches his hand in order to help Renjun go up to the wooden stair that divides the garden and the house. Since Renjun does not have his shoes on, his toes are freezing. Policy of no shoes. No one. No matter who you are.

Yes, Mr. Moon and his _You don’t know how many knives can fit on a 9 ½._

“What made you so confident that I would ditch the party?”

Jeno raises an eyebrow. He arranges the glasses on his nose.

“You always do that, I knew it. I was waiting for you.”

Renjun takes his hand and bumps his shoulder against his chest, leaving the cold dirt of the garden behind.

They laugh.

_Why would I want to be there if you weren’t with me?_

That day, the moon is almost not there. But in the darkness, he can make out the face of Jeno.

That, and the fact he had spent most of his life imprinting every curve and mole into his mind.

They stare at each other in silence.

They, lately, always do that. When they are watching a movie in Renjun’s room, it had become a habit for more than a half of the time for them to forget that it is playing and instead have their eyes on each other. During the rare occasions in which they go out to eat, Renjun is always pushed next to the wall, Jeno squeezing him on the other side. Renjun does not mind since most on of their dinners him and Jeno feed each other, forgetting Mr. Moon and Johnny are in the same table.

They are close.

They do not mind holding hands when walking next to each other. Renjun has become used to Jeno’s hand on his waist or his head resting on his shoulder when Jeno is behind him. Those playful hugs that last too short.

Their hands are still connected. They are connected by their pinkies.

Both are smiling.

It’s almost spring, but Renjun feels so warm as in summer, having Jeno in front of him. The proximity is so that he could feel Jeno’s breath fanning his face.

His eyes lie on Jeno’s lips. The thought hits him fast, and he quickly goes back to his eyes.

But Jeno had noticed it.

Something bubbles inside Renjun.

Jeno’s gaze is now on his lips too.

So close.

Their first–

“Having fun?”

Now, Renjun not only dislikes Lee Donghyuck.

He hates him.

He hates him more than he hates Na Jaemin.

Jeno grasps his hand and drags him behind his back.

Lee Donghyuck, a blond version of himself and a couple of months older from the last time he saw him, and a red-headed Liu Yangyang stand there.

“Did you need something?” Jeno asks in his effort to hide Renjun, who is busy trying to remember if there are any hidden weapons close.

Donghyuck smiles. He wants to play. His eyes drift from Jeno’s face to their hands together on his side.

Jeno tightens the grip.

“Fancy seeing you here. Kinda missed your face during dinner.”

Jeno does not respond. Donghyuck does not have the patience to wait for a reaction.

“Hi, Junnie.” His raises the pitch of his already high-pitched voice. Renjun feels his blood rush to his face in anger hearing the nickname that Donghyuck decided to stole from Jeno once more on his lips “Couldn’t find you there to wish you happy birthday. Well, it was difficult since your dad, you know, made a show with your brother there that I forgot we came for you.” He feels his heart in his throat. But it is not until the next statement that Renjun losses it. “Stop hiding behind your dog, come out and say hi.”

Renjun pushes Jeno to the side but, before he could put a foot on the garden again, Jeno holds him by his arm.

Yangyang coos.

Yes, most of the time Donghyuck is the one talking and Yangyang is the one doing the audience reactions.

“No, Renjun,” Jeno tries to calm him.

“I thought you were the owner. It seems he has the leash now.”

Renjun tries to calm himself down too as Donghyuck blunts many epithets, towards both of them for a couple of minutes more. Lee Donghyuck and his big mouth. But Donghyuck crosses a line.

“You are weak. You are nothing. You’re only the son of someone important. Not even the first son. You don’t even have friends. Wait until something happens and you are left with nothing. Do you think Jeno would stay with you? He is not your friend. He–”

Renjun sees red and everything happens so fast.

Jeno, actually, is the one who punches Donghyuck.

Yangyang jumps on Jeno. Yangyang is on Jeno’s back trying to make him fall. He’s successful. Jeno falls on his knees and his eyeglasses too. There is a crack. In a blink, he sees Donghyuck on his feet too. His eyes on him.

Renjun trembles.

Renjun cannot move at all.

He is petrified.

Donghyuck is coming at him.

Jeno manages to escape Yangyang’s hold.

Renjun is pushed falling close to the door.

“Run,” Jeno tells him, grabbing Donghyuck by the collar of his shirt.

Renjun trembles.

Renjun cannot move at all.

He is petrified.

Jeno is being beaten by the both of them.

Renjun screams.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

Renjun has his head low. His lower lip trembles and he is close to burst into tears.

Someone had heard them and… came.

Everyone came.

Every single soul in the party had come.

It is late, and all of the guesses are gone.

He is in the office of Mr. Moon, which transforms itself on his father’s office when he is there.

His father is there. His brother is there too. Mr. Moon is there. Johnny is there. Other four guards are there too—those are the bodyguards of his father and brother which had arrived with them.

He is alone.

Donghyuck only got a small scratch on his face. His and Yangyang’s knuckles were the only evidence of what happened. Donghyuck’s father had not been present that night. The representative of Clan Lee had been his uncle, Yangyang’s father, who was… calm.

_“It will help them to man up.”_

He had said that. Of course, he had said such thing with a smile on his face. He was proud. None of his blood had been used as a punching bag.

_Jeno._

Mr. Moon had sent him immediately out of anyone’s sight when all of the members of the Clan Lee had said they did not want anything in exchange for such a scene and that everything was alright.

Renjun, for the first time, does not dare to talk.

His father repeats again and again a certain discourse.

He does not pay attention; he is worried about other things. About someone. He maintains his head low and nods.

Bad idea.

He is only aware of what happened when he collides on the floor.

His father is standing in front of him. His chest raising and falling quickly.

The left part of Renjun’s face throbs in pain.

Each time he blinks, he can see sparks on his left eye.

Tears want to fall.

Renjun does not allow them.

“Stand up,” his father orders.

Renjun does as he is told. His legs tremble.

“You can’t even defend yourself”

His father hits the same exact same place as the first time.

Renjun is on the floor again.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

Renjun walks fast. He is in a hurry.

He is not going to his room. He is rushing to the third section to the house. The place where the kitchen, the storerooms, and an odd room are. Jeno’s.

He sees the door of the room Jeno and his mother use. He does not remember much of the place. Only a counted number of times had he been there. Jeno said he preferred for them to hang out in Renjun’s room. Renjun accepted it because he did not like that room too. Too cold and humid is how he remembers it to be during that one and only night he decided to sleep there with Jeno when they were kids. Yes, not anymore since his encounter with a ghost there.

He does not manage to knock.

Jeno opens the door. He was waiting for him.

A bruise on his eye that is starting to turn black. Another on his jaw. His nose is red as a sign that it had bled. There are scratches too. A scab on his lips due to the blood.

“Mom just went to sleep. I–”

Renjun’s hand trembles as he tries to caress his cheek.

Jeno hisses. It was the pain.

Before the sob can leave his lips, Jeno presses him against his chest.

Renjun buries his face on the cream sweater Jeno had been using the whole day. It is tainted with dirt and blood.

There, Renjun cries.

There, Renjun knows he can cry.

*·.•°•·•°•.·*

They are in Renjun’s room. Jeno has taken them there. He had even put the lock on the door. Renjun is sitting on the border of his bed. Jeno is kneeling in between his legs. His hands are cupping his face.

“Did he slap you?” Jeno is scrutinizing his face.

“It’s nothing.” It is truly nothing. It is only swollen and red. Jeno on the other hand, no.

Jeno graces his thumb over his eyebrow. Now, he hisses too. Jeno frowns, and Renjun notices his jaw is clenched.

Renjun flinches as Jeno presses a cold towel onto his face. He had grabbed it from the bathroom on their way there.

“No, no. You need it more,” he tries to push Jeno’s hand away, but Jeno is stronger. He carefully dabs it on the left side of his face.

“I’m disappointing, right?”

Jeno stops for a second. He shakes his head. “No, you are not.” His voice has never been deeper.

Renjun goes back to avoiding the towel, and Jeno glares at him. “I couldn’t protect you. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I was protecting you. And, he did deserve it.”

Renjun moves back again, avoiding the intentions of Jeno to bring down the swelling.

"Jun" Jeno calls out. 

“You could have gotten in trouble for it.” There is desperation on his voice “What if his uncle had not reacted like that? What if he demanded a punishment? What if you–” The question is left in the air. Renjun is too scared to think about it.

Jeno lets out a small sigh. His expression changes. It is concern.

“I will protect you again. I will always do it. No matter what.” Renjun’s lower lip trembles. It is too much “No, don't- Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry,” Jeno says leaving the wet cloth over the bed. Renjun flinches again when the cold and wet hand of Jeno touches his skin. He cups Renjun’s face again in his hands and gently presses their foreheads together. Tears drench Renjun’s cheeks. Jeno’s thumbs are smearing them.

“I don’t want to lose you, ever.” Renjun confesses between sobs.

“I will always stay by your side. No matter what.”

Renjun shakes his head. The scent of Jeno’s blood reach his nose. The cuts and scratches are too fresh.

He pushes Jeno’s chest separating them.

“You can’t promise it. You can’t. Something can happen. It’s too dangerous. It all happened because of me. I–” Jeno catches his wrist. He pulls him close again.

“I promise you that I am never going to leave you alone.” Jeno draws Renjun far from the bed and closer to him.

“Many things can happen and–” Jeno puts Renjun on his lap. They are on the floor.

“We’ll be together.” Jeno declares. Renjun avoids his eyes. Jeno touches his chin, making his face turn. “Look at me.” There are still tears flowing as Jeno caresses his face “Remember about that pact. The one we saw years ago. When we went on that trip. The cup and the blood.”

Renjun remembers it. They were twelve. Mr. Moon had taken both of them there because Renjun had refused to leave Jeno for a week. Since his father could not arrive on time, it was needed that at least one of the clan was present. It would have been disrespectful for the ceremony to have anyone but the son of a Boss there. That day an alliance was formed. A promise. The highest oath of loyalty between two Clans. That ceremony was needed in order to stop a so-bloody battle between them. Both of the heads of each clan had made a cut on their palms. The blood that was drawn from each of them ended on the same cup. It was mixed with alcohol. Then, the two of them proceeded to drink from it. They became one. Their blood. They could not spare their own blood. They were bonded with each other till the both of them died.

Jeno's eyes are piercing through him.

“I swear to protect you until my last breath, Renjun.”

Renjun tries to put some distance. Jeno does not allow him.

“We can’t–”

A kiss.

Jeno kisses him.

His head spins, and his heart is about to explode.

They freeze there for a second. 

A kiss.

Their kiss.

They don't move at first, then… they cannot stop.

Their teeth clank together.

There is no coordination and there is desperation. There is the understanding for unsaid feelings. There is a plead for a forever. There is them.

Jeno moans in pain. The injury in Jeno’s lips opens. Renjun can taste Jeno’s blood on his mouth.

It is messy. It is even gross.

Renjun digs his nails on Jeno’s nape holding him close.

They pull apart. They needed to breath.

“We… we’re supposed to do it together. W–We both need to do it.” Renjun is panting. Jeno is also having trouble breathing, but he does as he is told.

Jeno kisses him again.

Jeno bites his lower lip. The skin is pierced.

Their blood is mixed in their mouths.

The taste of the other is in each other’s tongue.

Renjun feels his back crash against his own bed.

Jeno moans again. Half pain. Half pleasure. Half caused by the beating he had. Half caused by Renjun's force.

Both of them desperate to feel the other.

Renjun ends pressed against the floor. Jeno on top of him.

Renjun is not sure which of them whimpers when Jeno pushes away for an instant.

“I swear to protect you until my last breath.” Jeno kisses him again with the same fervor. He pulls away again, just a little. Their lips brush with each other. Nothing but them matters at that moment. Nothing but them matters anymore. Jeno looks for his eyes. They see nothing but the other on its reflection. Jeno promises, “I will die for you, Huang Renjun.”

A beat of his heart is all that takes for Renjun to answer.

“I will die for you, Kim Jeno.”

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

His body feels heavy, but he knows he needs to go. The work of dressing himself seems weird somehow. He has his pants on and his shirt. He is not sure whether to put on again the dirty sweater.

The sun is going to rise any moment now. Jeno knows it because the sky has a certain blue navy color.

He decides not to.

A white shirt and the jacket of a suit catch his attention. They are crumbled under the chair next to the desk. He takes them and puts them on the chair.

“Leave them there.” Renjun’s hoarse and tired voice breaks the silence of the dawn. He does what he is told and does not pick the pants discarded next to the bed up. Jeno turns.

Renjun is on the bed. His eyes on him, but his chest exposed. Red and purple marks adorn it. He can appreciate them because Renjun has the duvet covering him from his hips downwards. Renjun’s eyelids are heavy, but he refuses to fall asleep.

Without saying a word, Jeno goes close.

One of his knees dips on the mattress as he tilts his body close to Renjun. He manages to take the cover, and arranges it covering Renjun’s whole body. He does it not without appreciating for one more second the marks he had left. Now, only Renjun’s head is popping from the covers.

Jeno smiles to the scene.

Renjun smiles at him.

Their eyes connect.

Jeno dips, taking Renjun’s lips on his.

It lasts too short.

“I’ll come to see you later. Rest.”

Renjun nods. Jeno gives another kiss to one of his cheeks.

He peels himself out of the bed. Away from him.

He slides the door. He is going out.

“I love you.” Renjun’s voice echoes in the room.

Jeno turns his head. He does not have his eyeglasses, but he knows Renjun’s cheeks are crimson.

His heartbeat falters for a second. He composes himself immediately.

Jeno smiles at the boy naked on the bed.

“I know.”

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

Jeno is quiet as he reaches the room. He does not want to run into anyone. Not now.

But he cannot avoid a person.

His mother is waiting for him.

He closes the door behind him.

She is sitting right in front of the door. Her eyes are bloodshot and Jeno knows that the reason is that she has stayed awake the whole night.

“Were you with him?” The same old tone she had always used in similar situations. Her voice is like a shrink for his ears.

“Yes.”

His mother approaches him slowly. As a hungry animal dancing around his prey just for entertainment. She is close. She is too close. Jeno is sure she's noticing the marks on his neck.

The marks Renjun had left.

She chooses not to talk about them. She lazily moves her eyes through all his face. The bruises on it are black by now.

“You know what you have to do with him, right?” A remainder. She chooses to remind him that and not ask about if the bruises on him still pain.

“Yes.” His mother’s eyes pierce him. She is too close. She leans closer. She hugs him.

She is short. So Jeno decides to rest his head over hers, as always.

Jeno senses that she can feel Renjun on his skin.

Renjun is impregnated on his skin.

They are bound now.

“We are going to destroy them. We’ll make them pay for what they had done to us, right?”

“Yes,” Jeno answers as he hugs her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny freezes the moment he enters the kitchen.
> 
> Something that has rarely happened before.
> 
> Tae Il is already awake and sipping a cup of coffee. He is sitting next to the counter, staring into space.
> 
> He does not acknowledge his presence, not even after Johnny serves himself coffee and stands next to him.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> Johnny waits for anything, but no. He decides to talk.
> 
> “They–” His own throat closes in on itself. He takes a deep breath. “Did they–”
> 
> “No.” It is not the answer to the question he was going to ask. It was Tae Il’s way of hushing him. He did it so fast.
> 
> Johnny gulps. He lowers the cup of coffee, not feeling pleased with the idea of tasting anything at all.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> “No one can know it. If some–” The warning dies on Tae Il lips as the sound of someone dragging something appears.
> 
> They both turn quietly to the figure entering the room. Scaring.
> 
> Dong Sicheng is in his pajamas with his hair in all directions and dragging his slippers, making his way to the sink. His eyes are almost close and puffy. He takes a mug and opens the faucet. The water almost overflows the mug. He turns, not even sparing a gaze at the two men holding their breaths.
> 
> Before he leaves the kitchen with the mug, he yawns and scratches his neck.
> 
> “He is weirder than Renjun,” Johnny deadpans.


	4. Stage III - 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take Care!!
> 
> Thank you, Z.

“Jeno.” His name leaves Renjun’s lips as a mixture of a moan and a prayer. Too loud to be able to give anyone behind the door a clue of what they are doing. But no one is behind the door to listen to Renjun’s mantra.

No one but them have lived in that apartment for the last three years.

The few privileged people who know where they live could be counted with the fingers of both of his hands. It is dangerous that the public in general knows that Huang Renjun, second in line to inherit the throne of the Clan Dong, lived in an apartment in the capital. It is even less necessary for them to know that Renjun is majoring in International Business in the university ranked first in the country.

Of course, Mr. Moon would had not allowed them to go alone. On the same floor, the apartment at the end of the hallway is inhabited by Hendery and Xiao Jun—highly qualified soldiers. They report to him daily. That, and Mr. Moon calls him every two weeks to ask if they need anything. Although it is mostly to confirm with him that Renjun is not planning to drop out and run away. Jeno has been instructed to have both of his eyes on him at all times as soon as Renjun announced he was going to attend university and, consequently, he was going too.

_You know how he is. We can’t go with him in this. I’m leaving it up to you. Want to keep Renjun on his track on this?_

Jeno finds himself attending an expensive, prestigious top university. He is majoring in law. Although it might have sounded more logical to be checking on Renjun at all times, being stuck with him 24/7, Mr. Moon had let him choose between the more convenient options that could be useful in the future. So… he did not complain at all. He lives in a nice apartment and has his tuition, which was halved thanks to his academic efforts, covered.

His efforts are not to not ‘burden’ the vast economy of the Clan Dong but… because Renjun had decided to attend university on his behalf.

 _Jeno, this is incredible._ Look! _I can’t believe it. With this score you can get into any of them._ Oh, oh. _This one! You know this one, right? You had one of their brochures in your bag the other day. I saw it. The teacher talked with you about it, right? Yes, yes. Didn’t she say that they will like someone like you there? She said it would be good for you. Wanna go there?_

Mr. Moon had had to make two calls for Renjun to also be accepted. He had asked Jeno to go as well to look after Renjun, when it had been Renjun looking after one of Jeno’s aspirations in the first place.

He tries hard because he knew Renjun was trying harder.

He is doing all of that for him. And he… has to repay it in some way.

“S–Stop it. _Jeno._ Jeno, I’ll–”

Renjun comes into his mouth, as usual during those occasions, before he can even end his warning. Some of the white liquid drips from the corner of his mouth. He suppresses the grimace of discomfort at the sour taste on the tip of his tongue.

Renjun is drowsy, as usual during those occasions, on the bed. His platinum dyed hair is disheveled, his cheeks are red, his breathing is erratic, and his eyes are closed.

As usual during those occasions, Jeno stands up, feeling that his knees are sore. He goes to the bathroom. He needs to wash his mouth.

He squeezes the lid of the mouthwash, closing it.

When he goes back to the room, he finds Renjun laying on his belly.

He passes next to bed, not sparing him a glace, as he goes straight to their wardrobe.

He takes out the purple sweater he had been using, since it had been stained with a mixture of toothpaste and what had been on his mouth five minutes earlier when he was washing his teeth.

As a new baby blue hoodie is on him, a pair of arms tangles themselves around his waist. He feels breathing on his ear, as the one holding him is tiptoeing.

“Come back to bed. I want you.” He feels a light kiss on his nape.

Before a second kiss lands on him, he turns around, pushing him away.

“You need to end your project.” With those words, he manages to escape Renjun’s grip. Renjun groans in response. “No. You said you needed a little break and we had it. Now, go.” Renjun frowns and falls on the bed.

“I hate you.”

Jeno mocks what he heard. He does not bother replying and tosses Renjun a shirt.

“No. I want one… of yours,” Renjun requests before Jeno moves from in front of the wardrobe.

Renjun rolls his eyes as he notices the cheeky grin on his face. Jeno of course catches the blush on his face.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

His eyes feel dry and his back is itching after being scrunched for hours. Three more pages left.

“Done,” Renjun sings, closing his computer too hard from the other side of the table. The dinner table they use as desk.

Trying to not lose his thread of thoughts, he only hums in response.

He manages to reread one paragraph he’s written looking for any mistake when he feels two slim arms around his neck.

Then, a wet kiss on his cheek.

“I’m hungry.”

“Uhm.”

Silence.

“I’m hungry.” As he wakes from a trance, his eyes leave the screen and are now on a pouty Renjun.

“What?”

Renjun sighs and drops his arms. “Feed me.”

Jeno eyes the computer and then him.

“Want me to prepare something?” Jeno asks out of politeness, because Renjun is the one who cooks and Jeno the one who washes the dishes. Except for heating leftovers in the microwave, he is in charge of that. Renjun does not answer and Jeno moves his head to the side, confused. “Delivery?”

Renjun whines.

“Takes too long to come. I wanna go out. There’s a new restaurant I wanna go to.”

Jeno curses inside his mind.

Renjun blinks.

He is waiting for a response.

Jeno’s eyes go for a split of a second to his computer.

“… Or I will bring it, if you are busy.”

Jeno holds his breath.

A beat of his heart is all that it takes for Jeno to close his computer.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

Jeno never enjoys their time out.

He is paranoid when they are out. But who could blame him? He had been ten years old the first time someone pointed a gun straight to his face. It had been on Christmas Day when someone had confused him with Renjun, since both had been using matching jackets and hats.

Johnny had made him promise to never tell Renjun about it.

He knows someone is always following them. Xiao Jun’s eyebrows draw enough attention for people to trip on their feet to have a glance at his face, making it impossible for Jeno not to notice him walking eight meters in front of them. The eternal glare from Hendery at the back of his head is burning holes, so he knows he is there, too. But Jeno is always alert, just in case.

“Can we get ice cream after?”

Jeno’s jaw clenches but he nods.

He presses Renjun against him with an arm secured around his shoulders as someone passes close to them.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

“It’s on discount. You get one free,” Renjun cheers opening the package of vanilla ice cream and then munching on it. The cashier tells him to take another tub from the fridge. Renjun is waiting for the payment to be approved, holding his card in one hand while the other has the ice cream.

Jeno sighs and walks to the back of the store.

It is Thursday, and the day is taking too long to end. The cold wind from the fridge hits him when he opens the door. He takes the tub.

His mind is busy, and his own steps are too heavy.

Once they are home, he has to sit and continue with his essay. He needs to hand it in at 9, but he is sure it will take him until two o’clock to finish it. And since Renjun never sleeps if he is not in bed with him, he knows he cannot stay awake past midnight. Because that will mean that Renjun will not get enough sleep and will spend the whole day grumpy because he has to attend his 7 am lecture with less than five hours of sleep. Which means that Jeno will probably have to end his essay at school and probably five minutes before his class, because even if his lecture is at 9, he has to go with Renjun at 7. No, it is not ‘probably.’ He is sure that it will be like that.

Jeno sighs, calculating how tired he will be by the end of the next day.

Jeno’s heart jumps inside his chest.

“Where is he?” he asks the cashier. He starts to feel that his lungs cannot function.

“What?” the employee who had been accommodating the items on the counter asks, clueless.

“I came with someone. I **–** ” He rushes out of the place, not seeing the bag of items purchased nor Renjun. Especially because of the latter.

There are a few people on the street at that hour. It is not a principal street. Renjun had made a tantrum for Xiao Jun and Hendery to stay in the car since they only have to walk a couple of meters. They had parked the car on the corner of the adjacent street.

He curses.

His eyes quickly scan the street.

There is Renjun.

Right on the opposite corner from where they had come.

Oh, this time his going to hear what Jeno has to say about him leaving without saying a word and, even more, leaving without him.

Jeno curses again.

Renjun is not alone.

“Give them back!” A bottle of tea, a can of pear juice, three candy bars, and Renjun’s favorite corn snack fall on the floor as the man in front of him arranges the bag from his hands.

Renjun’s legs tremble. He also falls on the floor.

A force pulls him towards them, seeing the man taking the can in his hands.

He has not peeled his eyes off them, staring at the scene.

The man mumbles something. His arm rises.

Jeno is running. Jeno knows he is not going to make it.

A shadow passes faster next to him.

Someone screams behind him.

Jeno does not understand the command, but Xiao Jun manages to push Renjun flat on the floor, hovering over him before a loud thud echoes.

A bang.

The can lands on Xiao Jun’s back. The man falls on his back. Jeno stumbles, falling on his knees.

The man does not move.

Silence.

Jeno is dragged up by a hard tug on the collar of his jacket.

“Move!” Hendery screams at his face. So that was what he had yelled a moment back in a foreign language.

“D **–** Did y **–** you **–**?” Hendery releases him, and Jeno falls again. No strength left in his legs.

Hendery approaches them.

Xiao Jun props himself up, pulling Renjun to a sitting position. Xiao Jun kneeling on Renjun’s lap, inspecting for any injury. Renjun is pale, and he is staring at nothing.

After a couple of seconds, Xiao Jun turns and gives a nod to Hendery. Hendery understands, and he approaches the immobile man on the floor.

He inspects his work. Jeno notices him holstering his gun behind his back.

With the tip of shoe, he pokes the arm of the man.

He does it twice, and the man releases a pained groan.

Hendery says something to Xiao Jun that Jeno lacks the knowledge to understand. Xiao Jun nods. Then, he turns and explains something to Renjun, who does not seem to hear at all.

Jeno does not understand what Xiao Jun had said, too.

Xiao Jun helps Renjun to stand up. Color is still missing from his face.

Hendery passes by his side, ignoring him completely.

Xiao Jun raises his eyes and observes Jeno. He looks at their sides before he speaks.

“Let’s go,” he tells Jeno as Renjun is supporting his whole weight against Xiao Jun.

Jeno notices at that moment that people had gathered around them.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

His back hits the wall. All of the air in his lungs escapes due to the crash.

“Where were you?” Jeno has his eyes on the floor and not on Hendery. Hendery pushes him against the wall again. This time with more force.

“Stop.” Xiao Jun appears in the living room. “I told you to stop.” Hendery, who had his arm pressed on his diaphragm, releases him not without letting out a growl. Xiao Jun says something else in their native tongue, and Hendery raises his hands, taking two steps away from Jeno.

_See? I’m not doing anything._

Xiao Jun comes to him next.

“You okay?”

Jeno nods.

Hendery had shot blanks. He had shot with the gun on his left, not the one on his right. That was the one with bullets.

Xiao Jun took Jeno's face by his chin. He inspects his face, not convinced by the answer.

“I’m alright.”

Xiao Jun retrieves his hands after a couple of seconds.

“He is in bed. I left some pills on the nightstand. Make sure he drinks them.”

Jeno nods again.

Hendery talks. Jeno does not understand, but knows he is being insulted or cursed by him. He does not understand the words but has an idea of what they are.

_He is useless._

_He was terrified._

_He will get him killed someday._

“You are supposed to keep him grounded. You know it,” Hendery pities him, switching the language. “You will be a dead man if his father learns about this. He wouldn’t like to know that you cannot do anything to protect his son.” Jeno remains quiet. Xiao Jun holds Hendery back in order to prevent him from going too close to Jeno. Yes, Hendery had never been fond of him. Never. Something sparkles in his eyes for a second. Malice. “Well, I think he will like even less knowing what _you_ do with his son.”

Jeno knows he is right.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

He enters the room, expecting to find Renjun hiding under the sheets. He truly does not expect him to be tossing their things inside a suitcase.

“We’ll go away,” Renjun tells him before he gets the chance to ask “I don’t care. We’re going to run away. We’ll go far from all of this.”

“What?” He is astonished for a moment. Then, he reacts. “Renjun, calm down.” He tries to hold Renjun to stop him from emptying their wardrobes. Renjun slaps his arms away.

“No. We’re going to disappear. They will never find us.” Renjun tries to reach for their coats at the end of the closet. Jeno blocks his way.

“It’s just **–** You need to calm down, Renjun. Please.”

He tries to move Jeno away, but he is not the strong enough, so he attacks with words. “I have never asked for this life. I don’t like it. I hate it. I’m like a puppet. I **–** I **–** ” He is not breathing properly. He starts to hiccup as a response. Jeno holds each of his arms.

“It’s just stress. It will go away.”

Renjun keeps hiccupping but the expression on his face darkens. “No.” He is offended. He moves his arms, making Jeno’s hands fall. “It’s not stress, Jeno. I want to escape. I want to leave all of this behind. You saw it. They almost killed him. That man was drunk. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he was going to die. They **–** They almost _killed_ him… because of _me_.” The last words are pronounced with disbelief and as a whisper because of the lack of air in his lungs. Renjun shakes his head. Tears pooling on his eyes. “Let’s go. We don’t need this. You and I can be free of this. Jeno, we can have a normal life. We can be normal.”

Renjun is desperate.

Jeno blinks.

“We don’t have anything but this,” he reasons.

Renjun cannot believe what he had heard.

Renjun… is mad.

“No, look. Renjun **–** ” It is too late when Jeno understands he had made a mistake.

“You’re supposed to understand it. You are my boyfriend. You love me.” Something constricts in his guts. A bitter feeling invades him. “You’re supposed to choose me before our lifestyle. Over everything else.”

Renjun is more than mad. Jeno ends being pushed out of their room. Renjun closes the door on his face.

It is late.

Jeno does not how much time had passed, but it is really late.

He has his forehead pressed on the door.

He closes his eyes.

He needs to calm Renjun down.

He needs to end his essay.

“I just want you to be safe. That’s all.” Those are the words Jeno says to the door, loud enough for Renjun to catch them. He turns around and goes to the living room.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

Renjun is furious.

Renjun is furious, and there is nothing that can calm him down.

Especially when he is angry with Jeno.

The last time it had happened, three people ended up in the hospital because Renjun did something really stupid.

Jeno does not want to recall that memory. Renjun suffered from nightmares during the following month by the trauma of it. They had been sixteen.

At least, this time Renjun had locked himself in the room, and there was no way for him to escape through the window since they lived on the second to the last floor. However, Renjun locking himself in his room meant that he was skipping his classes.

In consequence, Jeno was going to do that too.

He was sure Renjun was going to run away the moment he stopped guarding the door.

“Yeah. I’m really sorry,” he said through the phone.

“Don’t worry about it. It happens.”

Jeno takes a deep breath. “It’s the last time. I promise you, _hyung_.”

Mark Lee laughs. “I told you that it’s okay. Don’t worry. I’ll talk with his professor. He’s nice so… Renjun will be alright.” Mark Lee was an angel. A naïve and too caring angel.

“Thank you.” Jeno holds his head. A headache. “Sorry, again. I owe you.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. Take care of Junnie, okay?”

Jeno hums in response. “Yeah. Bye.”

Jeno thanked the heavens above because Renjun had been gifted with a lovely senior called Mark Lee.

It was not the first time Jeno had to call Mark to avoid Renjun from getting into any problem caused by his sudden absences or tantrums. He had called him the enough times to recite Mark’s number by memory.

Jeno holds his head again. The bloody headache had appeared during dawn. He did not even get the chance to sleep for more than two hours. He ended his essay and had sent a message as an apology for his absence to his professor. Those were the minor of his problems, but at least something less to worry about.

His head was throbbing.

Jeno decides to look for some medicine.

He hears a click and drops the pills to the floor. He rushes out of the bathroom, finding Renjun on his way to the door.

Renjun is dressed, ready to go out.

“Going somewhere?”

Renjun jumps, scared. He had been caught trying to sneak out. But he composes himself. “Yeah. Need some fresh air.”

Jeno does not stay behind. “School. We can go to there. There is fresh air there.”

Renjun smiles. Renjun fake smiles. “Yeah,” he mocks. “Get dressed. I’ll wait for you outside.”

Before Renjun reaches the handle, Jeno puts himself in front of him.

“Move.” The demand of Renjun is not accepted.

Renjun scoffs. “Move.”

Jeno disobeys.

Renjun has had enough.

He pushes.

Jeno pushes back.

Things escalate quickly.

They are on the floor, wrestling with each other.

“Let me go.”

“Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Stop.”

“Shut up.”

“Renjun, no.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Stop being a child.”

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“You’re hurting me.”

Jeno stops moving. He has both of Renjun’s arms pinned over his head. Renjun is pressed against the floor. Tears on his cheeks.

“Renjun…no.” His voice fades.

“Let me go.” It is a cry.

Jeno had not noticed how hard he had pinned Renjun until he frees his grip, and there are red marks on Renjun’s wrist.

“I didn’t **–** I didn’t want to **–** ”

Renjun pushes him off and moves far from him.

Jeno unconsciously grabs him again.

“Ouch.” Jeno does not listen. He is still trying to reach the door.

Renjun’s voice is broken. He is sobbing.

“Let me go,” he asks.

“No.”

Renjun growls. Angry.

He abruptly slaps Jeno’s hold. And Jeno prepares himself to be punched.

It does not happen.

The door meters away from them opens itself.

No, it is not automatic.

Jeno’s heart jumps inside his ribcage. A response like he was scared. He is scared to see Mr. Moon right there.

It is his instinct to hide Renjun behind him, so he does it.

It is strange.

It is a bad sign.

Mr. Moon 's face is sober to a strange scene in which both of them are on the floor. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school right now?” His tone was calm, but it scared them.

Renjun’s breath falters. Jeno can feel it since Renjun has his chest pressed against his back and his breathing tickles his ear.

They both sense the trouble.

“I **–** I didn’t feel well. I **–** I stayed. Renjun was helping me.” Jeno makes the excuse. He stumbles on his words. It feels like they are small kids again being scolded by some mischief.

Mr. Moon looks at them. His eyes jumping between them.

“Really?” Jeno knows he does not believe it. Jeno decides to not even try again. So, he decides to change the topic.

“If it is about yesterday, it’s my fault. It’s my fault and I **–** ”

“I didn’t come here for that.” Three seconds of silence “But we’ll need to talk about it later. I came here for you,” Mr. Moon points behind Jeno’s back by just raising his chin. Renjun.

“What happened?” Renjun talks for the first time. His voice is hoarse and nasal. The tears are still draining on his face.

“You father wants to talk with you.”

_Is he in the country?_

“I d **–** don’t **–** ” Renjun always stutters on those situations.

_What for?_

“Now.” He does not need to raise his voice to impose the command.

“I **–** I **–** I **–** ”

Jeno reacts first. He nods. He moves his hand to his back and stretches it reaching Renjun. They are holding hands “I need to get ready. We will **–** ”

He is stopped the moment he tries to stand up. “Renjun,” Mr. Moon says “He said he wants his son, Renjun. Only him.”

Renjun grips his hand. Jeno turns facing him.

A call for the warmth and safety the other provides.

Renjun is scared.

Jeno wants to interrupt, but Renjun is faster.

He holds both of Jeno's hands on his. He gives them a soft squeeze. It is a caress even with the small tremor on them.

“I will go.” Renjun is on his feet and Jeno’s reflexes are so slow that the door is closed before he could try to hold Renjun back.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

It has been three days since the last time he had seen Renjun.

Neither Hendery nor Xiao Jun were there.

They were there to look after Renjun, not him.

No one. No calls. No anything.

No Renjun.

Jeno has not slept during all this time.

He is in class.

He cannot concentrate.

The class ends.

He feels like dying.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

“You look bad.” Jeno does not have enough strength to respond to Mark. He looks at him apprehensively. “It has to do with Junnie, right?”

Jeno drops his head. They are in a café inside the campus. The caring senior Mark had approached him and got worried seeing his appearance. He had offered to help. He could not. But Jeno was not going to be rude. “You’ve been together for so long. Before coming here, right?” Mark shakes his head, thinking about different scenarios of them.

Jeno smiles. Mark is naïve. He thinks it is a couple’s quarrel. The options are so broad in reality. It can be a battlefield in which the goal is to behead a whole clan. It had happened before.

“A lifetime. We have been together a lifetime.”

Mark gifts him a sad smile for his words.

He also buys Jeno a meal.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

Taking the train back to the apartment is something new. It is new, even though he is three semesters away from graduating. He had taken that ride only four times during all that time. Those four times Renjun had not been by his side.

He dials Renjun’s number again.

It sends him immediately to the voicemail.

Something is not right.

Jeno knows it.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

He thanks the doorman, but he feels disappointed by what he had told him.

_No. I haven’t seen Mr. Huang all day._

Jeno usually considered funny how the doorman, Mr. Bae—a sixty-something man—referred to them. He had joked with Renjun, calling each other Mr. Huang and Mr. Kim when they arrived in the building three years ago the first day, and Mr. Bae had welcomed them. Today, he feels conflicted.

As he waits for the elevator to arrive, he takes out his phone.

He tries again.

He is greeted by the recording of the voicemail, again.

His head hurts.

It had not stopped hurting.

Jeno starts considering it will never stop hurting.

The led screen indicates where the floor the elevator is on.

It looks like a countdown.

_8_

_7_

_6_

_5_

_4_

_3_

His phone vibrates in his hand.

_2_

His heart constricts.

_1_

The door opens.

His mother is calling.

He does not get in.

·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·

He opens the door of the apartment.

It is late.

Almost midnight.

Only one light is turned on in all the house.

The one in the bedroom.

He runs inside.

Renjun is there. He is on the middle of the bed, wearing nothing but the baby yellow pajama that matches Jeno’s soft pink one. His hair is still damp from the shower. He is sitting with his head rested on his knees.

Jeno stays at the door.

“You’re late.” Renjun has not moved from his position.

Jeno holds his breath.

He approaches him, quietly.

“School. I… didn’t notice it was this late.” His footsteps do not produce a sound as he lies.

Renjun remains quiet.

Jeno goes closer. As the distance between them is only a step away, his eyes scan for any trace of a bruise on Renjun.

Nothing.

Jeno sits on the bed. He is by his side.

He leans closer. His fingers brush Renjun’s bare feet.

He is cold.

“Renjun,” he calls his name not sure what to expect.

Jeno breaths again as Renjun hugs him tightly.

None of them say a thing as Renjun cries on his arms.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·**

In a blink of an eye, their semester is ending.

Their finals are almost ending.

Renjun only had to finish his projects. He is actually done.

Jeno will be done in two days. Well, no. Today he is taking his two last exams. He had asked to take one of his exams earlier, and it had been approved.

The sooner he was done, the better for him.

The first one is at 9, the other at 1.

He assumes he’ll be done by 3.

He smiles at the idea as he arranges the collar of his shirt. He inspects his looks before going out of the bathroom.

He enters the bedroom. He is quiet as he takes a coat and puts it on.

It is still too early for Renjun to wake up. Most of his body has been devoured by the covers. Only one of his feet is hanging off the bed, and his head is out.

Jeno goes close. He covers his feet and takes a sit on the edge of the bed.

Renjun is calm. He has not had nightmares lately.

Jeno’s thumb moves a tug of his hair that had fallen over his forehead.

He leans in, kissing the place. He is glad to be using contact lenses, knowing that when he always lowers to kiss Renjun, his glasses slip.

“Jeno?” Renjun’s voice is hoarse.

“I didn’t want to wake you up.” Renjun shakes his head. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands. He is trying to get up, but Jeno does not allow him. “I will come back soon. Don’t worry. Rest.”

Renjun nods. He cannot keep his eyes open.

Something inside Jeno feels strange.

He does not feel like leaving him alone.

“Good luck.”

Jeno smiles, mirroring Renjun.

“Thank you.” He kisses his forehead again. “Go back to sleep.”

Renjun slightly nods. Jeno is careful when he closes the door, pushing away any weird feelings.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·**

Jeno arrives around 6.

It had been an Odyssey, but it was over.

The smile adorning his face is huge.

“Jun?” he calls when he is inside the place. It is a habit, because his nose can tell him where he is.

Jeno goes to the kitchen.

Huang Renjun has an apron tied around his waist. He frowns, inspecting the boiling casserole in front of him. A wooden spoon as his tool in his hand.

“Jeno,” he greets enthusiastically, spinning on his heels.

Renjun kisses him as a welcome. Jeno kisses back, encircling his arms around his waist. Renjun laughs resting his hands on his shoulders.

“It’s over,” Jeno cheers kissing him again.

Renjun gives in exchange two pecks on his lips.

“Wanna celebrate?” Jeno nods with too much fervor. Renjun laughs as he kisses both of his cheeks. Jeno pouts. Renjun tiptoes and kisses him one last time. “It’s almost done. A movie, or… whatever you wish. A payback for all your hard work” Renjun winks, turning back to the stove.

The innuendo goes forgotten as Jeno notices something.

“Did you cook?” The smile disappears from his face.

“Yes. I’ve been crav–” Their fridge had been empty for three days.

“Did you go out? Alone?” Jeno’s heart beats fast.

His neighbors who were in charge of guarding Renjun’s safety had been called back a week ago by Mr. Moon. Xiao Jun had not detailed why and just mentioned that only one of them will be with them temporarily. Renjun decided to share that he no longer had to attend school three days ago, making Mr. Moon ask for Renjun to stay at home, and that, from time to time either Xiao Jun, Hendery, or even Johnny will be patrolling outside the building just in case. Something was happening, but Jeno was starting to relax, because things were supposed to be back to normal by tomorrow’s night. Something important enough to leave Renjun alone.

That is the reason Jeno had been trying to move forward most of his exams, but he had only won one day. The source of those strange sensations inside him.

Renjun remains quiet.

“You… _idiot_!” The words let his lips before he could register them.

“What?”

It was his chance to correct himself. Jeno loses the chance as his mind recalls the events from a month ago, wherein Hendery shot someone and Renjun was almost hurt.

Jeno is mad.

“What did you do that? Are you out of your mind?”

“I wanted to do something for you. I–I know how difficult this semester had been for you and–”

“And _what_? You decided to go out and try to get yourself killed?”

“I’m n–”

Jeno does not let him talk. “For what? Soup? You put yourself in danger for such a stupid thing?”

“It was not stupid. It was for you.”

Jeno huffs.

Renjun is starting to lose his patience.

“How romantic,” Jeno mocks. “Stop being an idiot and start acting like an adult. _You_ can’t do those _stupid_ things. You are gonna get killed.”

“Stop saying that.”

“It’s true. You can’t do what others do. You _can’t_ Renjun. It’s dangerous.”

“I just wanted to try to do something normal. I’ve been locked inside here the last three days because my brother is here.” Ah, the enough important thing “Who does that? No one. No one does that, because no one needs a bodyguard stuck behind their backs. You know how stressful is this? How I can’t even go and buy candy at the store?”

“I know. I’ve been with you all this time. Remember?”

“That’s what I’m saying. Did you notice that we had never had a date? Never it had been just us alone, outside this place. Jeno, I want it. I want to be normal. I want to feel free.”

Jeno’s brain does not digest any of it. Jeno does not even notice that Renjun’s lower lips trembles. “Are you doing this because you want to try to be normal? You can’t be normal. You want us to be murdered because you want to go on a stupid date? Renjun, stop being an–”

Renjun slaps him. It is still Renjun the one who reacts first of what just happened.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-"

Jeno hits with his fist a pile of pots next to the faucet making them fall on the floor.

Renjun... is scared.

Jeno… is mad.

Jeno leaves, because he knows things will get worse staying there.

He goes out.

He leaves a crying Renjun there.

The last thing he hears from Renjun is a whisper. A confession.

“I want to try to be normal. I want to try it with you. I don’t want more blood on my hands.”

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·** ****

He is sitting at the convenience store one block away from the apartment building. His head is throbbing.

Many thoughts in his head.

He buries his face in his hands, closing his eyes for a second.

An image of Renjun appears again, and he curses.

“Why you can’t understand?” he says to himself. It is meant to be for Renjun.

The throbbing increases.

He tries to comfort himself, remembering that Xiao Jun is now with him. After storming out of the apartment, he had sat by the hallway, sulking for fifteen minutes. He had been distracted by Xiao Jun calling his name. He had been glad it had been Xiao Jun. He had come to his place in order to allow him to rest a bit. Jeno felt bad to ask him to check on Renjun for a while. He knew he was not in the best state to be close to him, and, at the same time, he felt conflicted leaving him alone. Xiao Jun appearing was a blessing. Xiao Jun perceived that something had happened and told Jeno that it was not a problem. He had to go back at dawn, so… he did not have to worry.

Xiao Jun had also noticed something was not right with them.

It was so obvious.

During the last year they had been fighting more than they had fought in their other thirteen years together.

Their lives were not going as they imagined. Not how Renjun thought they would have been, not how he thought they would have been.

Jeno does not want to think about how they will survive the next ye–

His phone.

His phone is vibrating in his pocket.

It’s Mark.

“I know it’s late and… out of nowhere. But…. Remember the favor you owe me?”

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·**

“I’m sorry again. You know, for calling you during the night. My friend was supposed to help me. But… he ditched me.” Mark keeps apologizing as he laughs awkwardly.

Mark Lee antics.

“It’s okay,” Jeno reassures as he puts the box on the floor.

‘CLEANING’ is written with an almost unintelligible handwriting that he knows it does not belong to Mark. A happy face scribbled next to it. As Jeno is not sure where it is supposed to go, he drops it at the middle of the living room. Next to plastic bags that contain Mark’s clothes.

Mark was moving, and he needed some help. The reason why he had chosen to do it in the middle of the week at night had been that his friend could help him that time. But no, something had happened, and Mark’s friend had told him the news too late. He had hired a truck already and the landlord of his previous house had arranged for people to paint the place the very next day.

Yeah. Jeno had been the third person he had called. The only one who showed up.

Jeno was not sure if it had been a trick of the light but Mark’s eyes seemed to have sparkles in them once he appeared at his door.

“Are you okay with spicy food?” Mark asked him with his phone in hand and a look of gratitude on his face.

“Yeah. It’s okay,” Jeno accepted, feeling his stomach grumble.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·**

He is awoken by something unexpected.

An angel cursing.

Mark Lee knows how to curse.

Jeno jumps awake, sitting on the couch he had used as a bed. He blinks at the too-bright light coming from the curtainless window. He recalls eating with Mark. Chatting about Mark’s plans after graduating next semester and Jeno’s possible options for his internship. They chatted about a new videogame Jeno was expecting to be launched, and Mark commented about him trying to sign up in a gym. Mark mentioned about him expecting to find a roommate soon, and Jeno said that he had always wanted to own a cat.

He had burned himself off the last weeks studying and... everything. He had fallen asleep on the couch.

“Oh, man. That’s ugly,” Mark mumbled from the kitchen.

Jeno groaned, tired.

It was close to 10 am.

“ _Hyung_?” Jeno entered the kitchen and the smell of something burnt reached his nose.

“Hey!” Mark, who was wearing a white shirt and a pair of too big shorts, smiles at him “I tried to fix you breakfast.”

Jeno does not recognize what the two carbonized pieces on the plate that Mark is offering him were before being “cooked by Mark.”

Jeno smiles politely.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*°.•·** ****

The train is relatively less packed at around 11 am. No one seems to be in a hurry to try to reach their destination. No one but him.

Jeno passes his hand over his face. He is anxious.

He squints, trying to recognize the station the train had stopped at. His contacts in their container in the pocket of his coat. He had taken them off last night when some spicy sauce had splashed on his face while eating. Some of it had hit one of his eyes.

Mark could not find in all the chaos the liquid he used for his contacts, so Jeno opted to go on adventure on his way home with his bad eyesight.

Home.

_Renjun._

It has always been Renjun who disappears because of family business. It has never been Jeno the one to spend the night out. He had never slept but in that place over the last three years. He feels worried.

His phone has not received a call nor any messages. It’s at 20 percent, so he knows the person he wanted to know about had not contacted him on purpose.

Yes. Jeno expected Renjun to really hate him at this rate.

Jeno sighs again as the train begins to move again. The next stop is his.

He decides to finally do something rational over the span of the last 18 hours.

Jeno sends Renjun a message.

_I’ll be there in 10 mins._

That is all the message reads.

The train has reached his stop.

They need to sort things out.

They need to keep it together.

Jeno does not know what he is going to do or say, but he is sure things will be okay.

They must be okay.

He makes his way out. Before he reaches the stairs to exit the place, something happens.

 _Junnie_ 😊

Renjun’s contact name glows from his screen.

An incoming call.

Jeno smiles.

“Kim Jeno?” Behind him, someone asks. It stops him before he can pick up the call. Jeno turns.

The call ends.

Renjun calls again.

It ends again.

Jeno never gets to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is walking in circles.
> 
> Well, no. He is walking over and over the same straight line and turns. Over and over again.
> 
> Tae Il sighs. He takes off his glasses. They are in his office.
> 
> “What?” he groans, exasperated after witnessing Johnny debating with himself for more than half an hour.
> 
> “Do you–?” He scratches his neck. A tic.
> 
> “What, Johnny? What?” Johnny takes a seat in front of him. He is careful with the papers scattered over his desk as he places his arms over them. He intertwines his fingers as he talks.
> 
> “Don’t you think they’re too young for this whole cohabitating thing?”
> 
> Tae Il blinks at him, contemplating if he had misheard the question.
> 
> Johnny’s expression is fixed in concern.
> 
> Tae Il rubs his eyes with his thumb and his index.
> 
> “Don’t you think it was time to acknowledge it like that?”
> 
> “What?”
> 
> Tae Il puts his eyeglasses back.
> 
> “What do you think they’ve been doing since they were seven?” He takes one of the papers he had been reading in his hands. “They overpass us with experience. Trust me. If something happens, they will find the solution.”
> 
> Johnny pouts.
> 
> He leans on the chair he had been sitting on.
> 
> Johnny sighs.
> 
> “What?” Tae Il asks one more time, seeing Johnny debating with himself again.
> 
> “I was thinking about us. We’ve known each other for so long.” Tae Il tilts his head to the right, curious about the statement.
> 
> “Yeah.” He is taken away by those memories. A soft smile appears on his face. “Weren’t you… sixteen? Seventeen?”
> 
> Johnny smiles. “Fifteen. I was already taller than you by that time. Remember? But just half of a head by then.”
> 
> Tae Il frowns, pursing his lips. All of sweet remembrance forgotten.


	5. Stage III - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, be aware of the tags.  
> I hope all of you are alright.
> 
> TAKE CARE!!!
> 
> Thank you, Z.

He has been sold out.

His mother had sold him out.

He kicks the leg of the metallic bed, making the frame screech.

He has been isolated in that small room for hours. Nothing but a bed is there. There are no windows nor any light but the one coming from the slit between the door and the floor. Jeno is not sure how many hours has passed since he had been captured. Three men had caught him after he left the train. Feeling the muzzle of a gun on his spine was enough for him to do what he was told. They made him enter a van. A black cloth had been put over his head.

A part of him expected it to be Hendery playing a prank on him. He did really hope that Xiao Jun had told Hendery about his and Renjun’s quarrel and that Hendery had suggested to show him a lesson. He had expected that, but he had not heard any foreign word from his kidnappers. He became aware things were as dangerous and fatalistic as Mr. Moon had always feared the moment the black cloth was taken out of his head.

_“It’s him.”_

The face of his mother in front of him. His mother indicated that they have captured the right man. A fat man with too many golden rings on his chubby fingers was scrutinizing him from head to toe. He suspected that the man was the leader. He gave orders in Korean and, yeah, Jeno was fucked.

He had not expected his mother to go to another clan. He thought he had contained her, but it seems she had lost her patience.

 _“We have waited enough. Now. They need to pay_ now _.”_

She had looked for him a month ago and… he had been a fool.

She had told him it was time to do something. He had told her it was impossible, that Renjun was being monitored all the time.

Jeno had managed to postpone her plans for the last fourteen years.

He thought… that Renjun was safe from her once they were out of the house, but… no.

Jeno takes a seat next to the metallic bed. The cold floor freezes him.

He grunts in frustration.

The only reason he is valuable is because of Renjun. He knows his captors want to lure Renjun. Having him means having the Dong Clan at their feet.

Jeno grunts again, hurting his throat.

They had sent a message from his phone. They made him unlock it and… they had sent a picture.

Jeno with a gun aimed to his head, a clear enough image that was worth a thousand words.

 _“We told them that they had to fear us. They laughed at us. It’s not only family that is hurtful to lose.”_ The man had told him with a smile on his face. In that moment, it came to Jeno’s mind what Renjun had told him a month ago. The reason why his father had taken him away for a couple of days.

 _“A deal went wrong. They blame us. It was a lot of money for them, so…”_ Renjun plays with Jeno’s fingers on his lap. A heavy sigh leaves his lips “ _Mr. Moon said they are not that powerful. They just bark. It’s nothing. Don’t worry. You know how it always is.”_

Jeno had not given it the necessary importance considering every two months someone threatens the Dong Clan of cutting their tongues or taking their eyes out. He blames himself for not seeing a red light—his mother had come looking for him the same time that warning had happened. She had taken advantage of the resentment of that clan.

He is not scared because of him.

He is worried because of Renjun.

“Please. Don’t be an idi–” He stops himself. He should have not said that to him. He buries his face in his hands. “Please. Don’t do anything. I’ll–”

His hands tremble. His voice breaks. Air is missing in his lungs.

“I’ll go back, Junnie. Don’t worry. Don’t do anything. Please. Please.”

Jeno begs on that dark room.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

A metallic tray is on the floor. The food that had come on it is scattered on the floor.

Jeno trembles, seeing a man two heads taller than him glaring at him.

He had tried to show a pinch of bravery throwing the food offered to him. Not one of his best ideas.

The man approaches him.

He falls unconscious on the floor after the man hits him.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

His throat is dry.

Everything spins.

He feels like throwing up.

_Is he running?_

Everything feels numb.

Someone tells him something.

He blacks out.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

His eyes open widely.

He is lying on a bed.

His head feels heavy. A lethargic sensation is all over his body.

It is night already.

There is a window. The curtains block the light from the streetlamps.

He… is no longer in that room.

He is… somewhere else.

Jeno’s heart beats fast. He remembers being on the train. He remembers sending a message. He remembers getting a call from Renjun. He remembers those three men. He remembers the van. He remembers his mother. He remembers the fat man. He remembers himself in that dark room. He remembers being hit. He remembers… he cannot remember anything else.

Did he run away?

Have they found him?

Did Renjun—

The door of the room opens. The light of the room turns on. It’s a hotel room.

It’s his mother who enters.

She smiles at him. A woman in her forties. In other circumstances, she would not look so tiny and fragile because of the lack of weight. Premature wrinkles are on her face. The dark bags under her yellowish eyes too big. Sunspots on her face and hands. Her hair greasy and frizzy. The same attributes when the woman had appeared at the door of his grandmother’s house when he was four and had taken him away. His… mother.

A chill still dances on his body being near to her. Even after all these years.

“Here. Eat. I brought what you like.” Her voice is throaty.

Jeno props himself up on the bed. His body feels strangely heavy when he sits, leaning on the headboard. His mother sits on the bed and starts taking out food from the plastic bag.

A lunch box, a bottle of soda, and a package of cookies.

None of his favorites, but his stomach pains due to the lack of food.

“W–What happened?” His mother is trying to take out the lid of the lunch box with too much strength. Some of the content fall on the sheet he did not know had covered him. She curses at the almost orange color that had tainted the sheets. “Mom.”

“What?” Her eyes are as the ones of a deer caught in the headlights.

Jeno gulps.

“Mom. What happened?”

She furrows her eyebrows, and it takes her four seconds to answer. “We took you here.”

“We? Who? You and–?” She pushes the plastic tray of food into his hands. It’s cold. “Mom. Who brought me here?”

“The boys.” She nods and smiles at him. Her teeth are crooked. Her clothes are too light for the season. Fall. “We had to take you here.” Her hands tremble as she puts them on her lap. “Those idiots.” She shakes her head. Some of her hair fall on her face. Jeno does not move to fix them. “They didn’t want to listen to me. They wanted to send a proof of life.” Jeno’s heart constricts. A finger or any piece of his body that he will surely miss. “They said it’ll pressure them. But,” His mother laughs. “they don’t know them. They don’t know them as I know them. They didn’t want to listen to me.” Jeno is not sure if his mother is talking to him or herself anymore until she has her eyes on him again. “They wanted to hurt you. I didn’t let them, Yoon.” Jeno feels sick. He always feels sick hearing her calling him by his father’s name. He had stopped trying to correct her years ago. “So, I decided to take you out of there. The boys—there are two—I don’t know their names. They want money. They only want the money. They are going to ask for money. So–So, when the kid comes, we’ll take him. He will be yours.”

He is not sure if it is better for him to be in the hands of some leader wanting revenge on the Dong Clan or in the hands of men that had betrayed their leader for money. His mother… was not in her right mind. He knew it. He had known it for so long. For those men to believe her word and let themselves be lurked by money… He was not sure if they were also right in their right minds.

“Yoon. Eat.”

His eyes fall on the tray of food on his lap.

He feels goosebumps on every inch of his skin.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno has been missing for three days. He knows that because the Saturday night drama that Hendery likes is airing on TV. He wonders if he is seeing it while celebrating that Jeno is no longer there or… if Renjun has obligated him to look for him.

He knows the Dong Clan owes him nothing. He isn’t really part of the clan. He knows he is nothing but Renjun’s friend, and unofficial boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

The word makes his chest squeeze. It had always brought out that reaction from him. The drama plays on TV as his mind wanders to the day Renjun had gotten drunk for the first time. The day of their high school graduation. Jeno had been the one given the valedictorian discourse and Renjun… celebrated as if he had been the one graduating with a perfect score.

_“Isn’t Jeno perfect? He is. And he is mine. All raise their glasses, for Jeno. My boyfriend. My Jeno. I love you.”_

Renjun had announced that out loud in the grilled meat restaurant with one foot on the table and a cup of beer in his hand. Jeno would have played it cool, blaming it to the alcohol. He would have done that if Renjun hadn’t grabbed him by the tie of his uniform and put his tongue inside his mouth in front of all the people there. Those who lived in the house with them. Mr. Moon had invited everyone to the house to celebrate. No, no one blood related to Renjun had been present.

After Renjun had made some non-PG-rated sounds from his mouth, his head had landed on Jeno’s lap. He had blacked out. Then, Jeno had been the one who had to deal with every pair of eyes on the room on him while Renjun had been drooling on his pants. Johnny had dropped his jaw, while Mr. Moon had not even blinked. His mother… had frowned at him.

Jeno knew everyone suspected that they were not only friends, with those not-so-subtle touches under the table, with those glances and smiles every minute, or with him sneaking into Renjun’s room and bed almost every night. They gossiped about it, but… things change when things are said out loud.

The way home had been in silence. He had been in the car with Johnny, Mr. Moon in front, and Renjun nestling on his side. His head had been lowered, nervous.

He had felt Johnny on the driver’s seat stealing glances at him because, if Renjun loved him, it was only Jeno’s fault.

 _“Jen?”_ Renjun had called in his sleep. He had quickly turned his attention to Renjun’s head falling from his shoulder. Jeno had arranged his own jacket that had slipped from Renjun’s shoulders as he was moving.

 _“Hm?”_ He had tucked Renjun in his jacket and had arranged his legs for Renjun to lean his head there. One of his hands had kept Renjun’s head still for him to not get dizzy. The other had been secured over Renjun’s stomach, since it was impossible to put the seatbelt on him.

Renjun mumbled something.

_“What?”_

Renjun had cracked one eye open. He had smiled. _“Thank you.”_

Jeno had squeezed his hand over his jacket. Renjun had closed his eyes again. He had nuzzled his cheeks against his thigh as he fell asleep again.

Jeno had felt the eyes of the two other passengers in the car. When he had peeled off his eyes from Renjun, Mr. Moon had been observing him. His eyes lingered on Renjun for a couple of seconds before piercing on him.

_“Don’t ever let anyone know. Not his father nor… anyone.”_

That had been the only and last thing that was said about them ever. Even his mother had pretended it had never happened.

Loving someone in their world mean not only a weakness, but a death sentence.

Renjun’s mother had been killed because his father loved her.

_“I don’t want more blood on my hands.”_

The commercial break starts, but Jeno could care less about the drama.

His eyes go to the window. They’re in the suburbs. There are no skyscrapers or big buildings. It was a commercial zone, but, since it was late, the movement has decreased.

He had tried to run away.

He had taken his mother’s hand and had said he wanted to go out for a while. His mother had accepted, but the moment that he had crossed under the door frame of the room, a gun had been pointed to his temple.

Dealing with only his mother had been easy. He knew how to do it. He had been doing it for years now.

_“We will kill him. We will kill him, as they killed your father. Didn’t you hear that he likes him a lot? He is going to suffer as Yoon did.”_

Those were the words of his mother one night after he came from Renjun’s room with a new toy he had been gifted. Renjun had told him to choose anything he wanted. That it would be his. His mother had destroyed the action figure after hearing from where it had come.

Renjun was chosen as a lamb. As the sacrifice.

Jeno had never met his father. Not even seen a picture. He expects he resembles him because he had not inherited anything from his mother.

He has known his mother is not on the right state of her mind from the very beginning. He is not sure how his mother had reached the conclusion that the leader of the Dong Clan had something to do with his father’s death. It is true that his father used to be an underman of the clan. A dealer. Just that. Mr. Moon had told him that he had been stabbed by one of their clients.

_“He went to the border of our territory. We though it had to be with another clan, but… it was bad luck. Sorry.”_

Those were the words of Mr. Moon. He had been thirteen when he had asked about it. He had not been curious, but Mr. Moon had found him crying in the garden after his mother had lost control and had yelled at him over and over again. She had gripped him with too much strength, leaving marks on his arm. Jeno remembered her idea of revenge and decided to ask him. Jeno had felt that Mr. Moon had noticed something odd with her, since he had not said anything about him sleeping in Renjun’s room most nights or about not inviting her to his matches or anything at all.

He remembers the night he decided which side he was on. His mother’s or Renjun’s. He had not even known about his father’s story back then. Renjun had wanted to spend the night in the room he and his mother were given. They were eight. He remembers being woken up by the floor creaking. He had always been a light sleeper, but Renjun was not. Renjun was sound asleep by his side, not feeling Jeno’s mother slowly approaching to put a pillow over his face. Jeno pinched Renjun’s arm. Renjun woke up, screaming, and Jeno decided to scream, too. Someone in the kitchen had heard them and came running to the room. That day Renjun started to believe in ghosts, and Jeno decided to indulge him.

That night, he made a choice.

It had _always_ been Renjun.

During the years that have passed, his mother has always insisted on revenge. Jeno had never said no, because knowing what she’s planning meant knowing how to stop it.

Why would he want to hurt Renjun?

Renjun, who had been his first friend. His first best friend. His first kiss. His first boyfriend. His first everything.

Why would Jeno want to break the person who made him smile and laugh to get revenge for a man that had abandoned him before he was even born? Why would he hurt the person who told him he was in love with him to help a woman who left him as a newborn at the door of his grandmother?

Jeno knows where his loyalty lied.

With the ones who truly loved him.

His grandmother.

And… Renjun.

Renjun loves him.

Renjun loves him and… he loves him, too.

Renjun is the love of his life.

Jeno has sworn to protect Renjun.

Jeno is ready to die for him to keep Renjun safe.

Renjun loves him, and it is all that matters to him.

Even if Renjun’s love has put a price to his head, it’s okay.

Even if Renjun’s love would not be enough for the Dong Clan to accept the demands of his abductors, it’s okay.

Renjun loves him.

The commercial break ends. The drama starts again.

Jeno cleans the tears that had rolled down his cheeks.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno spits out a a mixture of his own blood and saliva.

They had punched him.

He raises his eyes, and there on the mirror he looks at the bruise on his jaw.

A proof that he was no longer in the hands of the Heo Clan. That had been the surname of the fat man. This time a video of him being punched had been sent.

Jeno had to give them a number.

He gave Mr. Moon’s.

He knew Mr. Moon was the only one able to stop Renjun from doing something crazy.

_“We’re going to run away. We’ll go far from all of this.”_

Jeno spits more blood. The words that Renjun from time to time had always repeated were on his mind.

Something glimpses in his mind. The first time they tried to go to a party. During their second week as freshmen, someone invited Jeno to a party, and Renjun had auto-invited himself. They did not reach the entrance of their apartment building before Hendery and Xiao Jun caught them trying to sneak out. All the excitement in Renjun died as they were sent back to their apartment, the idea of letting them go by themselves having been rejected. Renjun was so angry. Renjun felt bad to stop Jeno from going. Jeno had told him that it did not matter.

 _“At least I have you, Jeno. Even if I’ve to endure all of this…_ _I still have you. It’s worth it because of you.”_

“We should had run away,” Jeno says to his reflection on the mirror. It is meant for Renjun.

The taste of his blood lingers in his mouth.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Now, Jeno is scared.

They took him in the middle of the night.

Jeno’s eyes feel itchy and dry. He tries to make out the place he is being driven to, but, since he does not have his eyeglasses nor his contacts, everything is blurry.

They are no longer in the city, but they have not gone far. An hour-long trip. The sunrise is at any moment now. Jeno knows it because the sky has a certain blue navy color. The almost empty streets and the streetlights soon disappear.

The car stops, and Jeno peers outside the window.

Containers.

The container terminal.

Jeno is scared.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

His mother had told him that two men had helped her. Now, there are four.

They are four, and they are discussing with each other. Jeno is tied to a chair inside one of those containers.

Jeno knows they are relatively newbies. His first clue was the fact that they betrayed their gang kidnapping an already kidnapped person. Second, by how they had managed him they had no experience at all. Third, they are starting to realize that everything is a bad idea.

“I told you, Hong. If they were not willing to pay Heo for him, even less they’re going to pay us,” short one says. His eyes are too close to each other, and his eyebrows are almost nonexistent. Hong, who seems to be the leader, passes his hands over the military cut on his head. A third one who had been walking in circles approaches Hong. He points to Jeno as he talks.

“They were going to dispose of him. Heo was going to kill him to prove he was not kiddin’. They didn’t care. He’s worth is nothin’.” Jeno knows they are right. Jeno is nothing for the Dong Clan.

Still, Jeno’s heart beats fast.

_Renjun is alright. As long as Renjun is alright._

“He is worthy.” All of them, including Jeno, turn to her. His mother is standing behind him. Her calloused hands are on his shoulders. Jeno shivers at the contact. “Give them time. They will do whatever you want for him.”

All of them share a glance.

The third one who spoke stares at her.

“He is your son.” Some incredulity is on his voice “You just want him alive.”

“No, he is worthy.” The grip on his shoulders stiffens. The others stare at their leader. A frown on his face.

“We’re dead. We’re dead,” the short man without eyebrows murmurs. He is panicking. Hong starts panicking too. He takes out a gun from his back.

_Fuck._

“We called them. They didn’t say a thing. He's a nobody.”

Having a gun aimed to his head is something Jeno had experienced frequently during the last days, and just like the first time when he was 10, it still scares him.

When is it not scary knowing a bullet is going to go through your brain?

Jeno notices a little tremor in the hand with the gun.

“He loves him.” Jeno feels like throwing up. Those words on her lips are so disgraceful. The look of confusion on the others is evident. “Renjun...” _You don’t have the right to say his name. Not you. Not anyone._ “... loves him. He is his only friend. He will pay.”

Everyone holds their breath.

“He’s your son.” Disbelief and pity are what Jeno feels in the words of Hong. “You are using your son. Did you–?” Before he makes the statement, Jeno feels the hands of his mother brushing against his. There is a click in the gun. It’s loaded now. 

“Don’t!” Hong screams.

“He hates him too. This isn’t necessary,” she replies, trying to untie him.

Jeno sweats cold.

He is between the gun and his mother.

“No!”

The fourth man that remained quiet intervenes.

Still tied, Jeno cannot see the struggle on his back. He hears a loud thud. His mother is on the floor. She is unconscious. His eyes then go to Hong.

Before he manages to say a thing with his mother now disabled, he sees the leader nod to the man behind him.

A sharp pain on the back of his head is all he feels before everything turns black.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno wakes up.

It’s dark, and he can barely see a thing.

His head spins.

The back of his head is throbbing.

He feels drowsy.

He is still inside the container. It’s empty and humid.

He’s alone. Neither the four men nor his mother is there.

He tries to stay conscious.

He feels tired.

He’s still tied to the chair. His hands are freezing, and his ankles and writs hurt. A piece of cloth gags his mouth. He cannot move at all.

Jeno’s startled.

Gunshots.

He had been woken up by gunshots.

Someone is shooting outside. He recognizes the sound.

Not just someone—people.

Someone shoots and someone responds.

Jeno’s terrified.

He almost can hardly feel the tips of his fingers as he tries to move his hands. The rope is so tight.

Jeno needs to get out.

He needs to escape.

There is silence outside. It’s not a good sign.

Jeno knows he needs to do something fast.

The chair is nowhere secured to the floor. As he tries to propel himself to the front, the chair screeches. He is moving. He tries again. The chair moves again. It is only a few centimeters, but something is something.

Again.

Again.

The door of the container opens.

Not someone that Jeno has ever met.

A boy.

Jeno freezes, feeling the palpitations of his heart in the wounded place of his head.

The intruder rushes to him.

‘Who are you?’ Jeno tries to ask with the gag on his mouth. The boy doesn’t even glance at him as he takes out a knife. It’s small. Well, maybe only ten centimeters.

Jeno curses in his mind.

His hands tremble, and he is sweating.

He is starting to lose the ability to breathe.

The knife is sharp. It cuts the the rope with the first slide. The boy unties his feet. The door is half-open, and the brightness leaves him blind for a couple of seconds.

Jeno cops his nerves.

He does not know the boy. He seems to want to take him out of here. There is sweat on his forehead. The jumper on his body covers any trace of a tattoo. There is no way Jeno can recognize for whom the boy works.

He knows he cannot trust anyone.

He knows he needs to get out there.

A mixture of terror and desperation makes Jeno do something stupid.

Jeno kicks the hand of the boy. The knife falls against the metallic floor.

The next thing he sees is a gun.

_Fuck._

Again, Jeno cannot breathe. He trembles.

The boy starts talking. Jeno does not understand, but it sounds familiar.

It’s familiar.

Jeno regrets every single day to not have learnt Renjun’s language.

It had been always Renjun the one making efforts. But Jeno in some occasions could make words up. But his brain is blank as he sees the boy is pulling back the slide of the gun, loading it.

The boy is ready to shoot.

“Jeno!”

_Renjun._

Renjun is standing there. He had screamed from the door.

Bad idea.

The boy turns and shoots.

Jeno screams.

There is a flash that illuminates from the interior of the container clearly.

Jeno’s heart is going to jump out of his chest.

Jeno pushes his body, tackling the boy down. Both fall, since Jeno’s hands are still trapped against the chair. This does not stop him. Jeno hits him with his head. He tries to do something. He needs to do something.

Everything is so confusing.

Jeno is pushed.

Jeno’s right side collides with the metallic floor. Jeno hits his head.

Everything is blurry.

A beeping sound is in his head.

Then… someone shoots.

A whole chamber is emptied.

Blood.

There is blood.

The boy was shot on the head. The boy was shot on the head. The boy was shot everywhere. Renjun has a gun in his hands.

There is radio silence that Jeno isn’t sure last a fraction of second or the rest of his life.

Shock.

Panic.

Renjun falls to his knees.

Jeno cannot see well, but he is sure he is trembling.

The gun falls from his hands, and that snaps him from his thoughts. Renjun’s eyes are on Jeno. Renjun crawls to his direction.

“Jeno. Jeno. Jeno. Jeno.” His name is a mantra as Renjun tries to tug him close. His hands are still tied, but the chair is no longer a problem. Renjun holds onto him. Jeno’s nose is buried on his neck.

Jeno can breathe again.

Renjun digs his nails on his back as if he is trying to make them one.

Jeno tastes the tears he did not knew he had shed.

It lasts a second, or even less.

“We need to go out. We need to go out.”

Jeno nods unable to speak. Renjun scans the place and rushes to the knife discarded a couple of meters away. The pool of blood of the body next to them is tainting part of their pants.

Renjun frees him. Jeno’s legs feel like jelly as he stands up. He thinks Renjun will have trouble standing up, but, in a rapid movement, he is not only on his feet but holding the gun that belonged to the boy. He holds it firmly in both of his hands. He holds the knife, too.

His posture and movements are the same as he had seen in Xiao Jun and Hendery. In Johnny and Tae Il.

Everything is confusing.

Renjun is shielding him.

Protecting him.

His mind is a mess. His body is moving on automatic.

Renjun was guiding them to the exit. He stops abruptly a couple of meters away from the door.

“Your mom. Where is your mom?” It’s a whisper. It’s a red sign. “She called me. That’s how I knew where you were. Where is she?”

His eyes open wide. Before Renjun utters another word, another shower of bullets is heard outside.

Too close.

People are running.

Out of instinct, Renjun ducks.

Jeno follows him.

“D-Did you come alone?” Jeno is not sure how he was able to speak.

“No, people of my brother. They must’ve followed me.”

Did they–?

A lot of the questions in that moment did not need an answer.

Renjun is moving his head in different directions. Inspecting the place and debating with himself.

The door is still half-open. Just meters away. Jeno can make the light of the afternoon out there. Another container, a green one in front.

Jeno is trembling. His body is freezing in fear.

Another round of shots.

As in instinct, Jeno holds Renjun.

His mind played him a trick making him believe those shots were so close.

His hands tangle on Renjun's waist as he pushes his body in his embrace. Jeno leans his body, covering Renjun.

He is covering him.

A stupid idea.

The gun falls from Renjun’s grip and crashes against the floor. The knife falls, too.

_Renjun is alright. As long as Renjun is alright._

Someone enters.

Renjun breathes, alleviated.

Jeno stops breathing at all.

His mother.

Her eyes are on Renjun “You’re here.”

Renjun frowns, confused. The traces of calm in his face disappearing little by little. They are all gone as Jeno drags him to the back of the container. Far from the exit. Far from her. Renjun does not understand.

She rushes to him.

And… and… Jeno is faster.

He takes her body. He holds her seconds before she manages to catch him.

Renjun releases a scream, scared. Shocked. Confused.

“We have to kill him. You know it.” She struggles in his arms. She is desperate to reach Renjun. She kicks him and punches him, trying to be freed. Jeno is not sure what to do. She growls and moves frantically in his arms. He thinks he cannot hold her anymore. “You said you will do it. You said it.” His mother screams.

The floor is slippery. The blood had made it like that. Jeno slips. His mother hits him.

They fall.

She’s free.

Renjun trips in the commotion, trying to get away. He starts crawling backwards as she starts creeping towards him.

For a second, Jeno thinks Renjun will manage to get to the exit. In another second, Jeno knows his mother will catch him before he does.

Jeno jumps on her, dragging her back the moment she manages to catch Renjun’s ankle.

“Kill him. _Kill him_ ,” she screams as Jeno tries to hold her still. “Kill him. You promise me you will do it!”

She bawls.

Jeno manages to push her to the floor, immobilizing her.

A faux calm.

“What?”

Reality.

Jeno raises his eyes. Renjun is watching them.

Renjun… heard her.

Jeno cannot say a thing.

Renjun’s eyes darting between him and his mother.

Something is clear.

Something has broken.

His mother’s body goes numb. Her sobs stop. He is not sure what happens, but he still holds her.

It only takes him a couple of seconds.

Renjun stands up.

The gun that had fallen moments ago is again in his control.

Not breaking eye contact, he raises the gun to his direction. 

To him.

“Is it true?”

Jeno’s world stops.

No answer.

“ _Is it true?!_ ”

Renjun’s hand trembles. It had not trembled as he shot the boy.

“Yes.”

 _The plans changed a lot since we were kids. All of them ended with you dead_ , Jeno thinks.

“Did you… Did you lie to me? Did you–?” Renjun cannot continue. It is impossible to utter a word as he tries to suppress his tears.

He fails.

Renjun is crying.

_I lied to you._

_I deceived you._

_I don’t deserve anything from you._

_But, I lo-_

His mother hits him with the back of her head. Jeno sees white spots for a couple of seconds, disoriented.

She is free, again.

“Jeno.”

She grabs the knife discarded meters away.

“Shoot,” Jeno screams, seeing his mother standing up and Renjun paralyzed in front of her.

_No._

Renjun’s eyes jump on him as the woman threatens him with a knife.

_Do it._

“Die,” she condemns.

Renjun does not shoot.

She stabs him.

She stabs her son.

Jeno pulled her back. And put himself between them. He hid Renjun on his back.

It stinks. It hurts.

She doesn't care.

She draws the knife out of Jeno’s body. Right the right side of his abdomen, a spot of blood tints the shirt he is using. Bigger and bigger with every second.

Adrenaline is in his system.

He is blinded by a thought.

_Renjun is alright. As long as Renjun is alright._

_I swore to protect you. I will do it._

He jumps forward.

His mother makes a cut on his arm. One more on his hand. Then another on his chest as he tries to make her drop the knife. She hurts her face and yelps in pain as Jeno presses his grip on her wrists harder.

The knife falls.

Jeno pushes her to the floor.

Her head bangs against the floor.

Four seconds. She does not move at all.

Jeno feels dizzy.

Jeno feels like he is burning on flames during a second, then it is freezing.

He is getting colder at every passing second.

Goosebumps dance in his guts.

He falls to his knees.

“Jeno.” The worried voice of Renjun on his back holds him.

_You are alright. You are alive._

Renjun kneels by his side. The gun in his hand is laid to floor close to his knees. Renjun hands press on his side. The right side. Jeno hisses in pain. Renjun’s hands are covered with his blood. He is telling him something that he cannot understand. He cannot hear.

Jeno can’t breathe. And it is not because of the usual reasons.

The adrenaline is rushing out of his body.

It hurts.

It throbs.

It’s painful.

His mother moves.

A beat of his heart is all that takes for Jeno to shield Renjun behind him and take the gun in his hand, aiming it to his mother.

She’s bleeding. She’s hurt. She’s crazy.

“Stop,” he warns. A cold sensation invades his body.

She moves slowly, propping herself up. “You promised you will do it, Yoon. You said it.” She’s standing. Jeno clasps the gun firmly. She smiles and the cut on her face keeps bleeding. “Don’t worry. I’ll kill him for you.” 

She sprints towards them.

She tries at least.

Jeno pulls the trigger.

She falls to her knees.

Only a weak clicking sound from the gun.

She stumbled on the blood.

The bullet got stuck.

Silence.

Disbelief.

Confusion.

Everything is confusing.

Everything except choosing something.

_I will protect you, Injun. I will do it no matter what._

He was going to kill his mother.

He really did try.

Her yellowish eyes are on him.

“Were you going to–?” In slow motion, he can see the effect of whiplash the body of his mother goes through. The bullet enters her skull through her forehead. All her body moves likes a wave as the bullet pierces her brain. She did not manage to end the statement.

Blood emerges from the hole.

Her eyes are wide open.

Her body falls to the front.

Her head brushes his knees.

He was not the one who shot her.

Not now.

Radio silence.

No, it is him that cannot hear anything.

The rush of adrenaline ends.

Or maybe it’s his body that starts entering in shock.

The gun slips from his hands.

He cannot control his body.

He falls on his back as someone grabs him.

He only fells a prick on his stomach. Right were all the blood on his body is draining.

Things are blurry for a couple of seconds.

He is not sure of anything that it's happening.

Then, someone appears in his view.

_Renjun._

Things make sense.

He is crying.

_I told you I was going to keep you safe._

Jeno tries to move. His body does not respond at all.

_See? I promised you that I was going to protect you._

Renjun is screaming. He cannot make a word of what he says. He cannot feel Renjun holding him in his arms. He cannot feel the tears on Renjun’s eyes falling to his face.

_You look pretty. You were always pretty._

His breath shortens.

_We were supposed to make many things. Sorry for not sticking around for so long._

Every drop of blood leaves his body. Everything is fading.

_Sorry for lying._

Renjun keeps crying. He is disappearing.

_Sorry for many things, but… I did love you._

_I do love you._

As a last wish, their eyes connect.

_I love you, Renjun._

Jeno wishes he could say it, but he can no longer move.

His heart is slowing its rate.

_At least… I could do it. Our promise. I… told you._

He stops feeling everything.

_I will die for you._

Everything turns black.

_Sorry._

_Sorry for leaving you alone._

_Sorry._

_Yes._

_That’s all._

_Sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is pouring outside.
> 
> The sky is grey.
> 
> It is cold.
> 
> “You’re going to get sick.”
> 
> He feels something on his shoulders. He stops staring at the drops splashing over the empty street and turns his attention to the coat that was put on him.
> 
> It is not his. It is Johnny’s, it smells like him, and it is warm.
> 
> Johnny stands by his side. Both of his hands tucked in the pockets of his pants.
> 
> Tae Il’s eyes are on the rain again.
> 
> No one says anything.
> 
> Something is missing.
> 
> Johnny sneezes.
> 
> Tae Il exhales all the air in his lungs that he did not know he had been holding.
> 
> “Come. Let’s go inside. It’s cold.”
> 
> He makes sure to tug close to Johnny as they walk inside the house.


	6. Stage IV – 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, be aware of the tags. Injury. A broken bone and well... you know what happened last chapter.
> 
> Hope you are well.  
> Please, take care.
> 
> Thank you SO much, Z.  
> Thank you for reading the story 
> 
> :)

_His eyes open._

_He’s staring at the ceiling. There are old glow-in-the-dark stars on it._

_Johnny had helped them put them there. It has been years since that. Some of the stars that had fallen are glued instead._

_A groan comes from his throat._

_There is a little bit of tiredness in his body. He always feels tired when he sleeps in the middle of the day._

_It’s afternoon now. He knows it even if the curtains of the room are blocking some of the light. He blinks repetitively, trying to stay awake. He knows he will not be able to fall asleep at night if he keeps sleeping. It’s so warm and so cozy; he does not want to let it go._

_He decides to rub his face with his hands. He takes a breath, holding it in his lungs for a couple of seconds before releasing it. As he tries to sit—which is not that difficult, considering six pillows had been arranged for him to lie on—he notices that he is not alone in the room._

_Renjun._

_Renjun is sitting on the desk chair next to the bed, hugging one of his legs and using it as a headrest while his other leg is hanging from the chair with the tips of his toes almost touching the floor. He’s sleeping. The big t-shirt he has on exposes his collarbones. His hair is long enough to cover his eyebrows and linger over his eyes. A ray of sunlight that had sneaked through the curtains is kissing his left cheek._

_Jeno smiles at the scene._

_As if Renjun could feel his eyes on him, he wakes up._

_He lazily opens his eyes. The mark of the fabric of his jeans is printed on his right cheek. He blinks at nothing for a couple of seconds. He yawns. Carefully, he drops the leg that he had been holding and stretches his arms. He yawns again._

_Jeno yawns in response._

_Renjun quickly turns his attention to him._

_“Are you awake?” It’s a silly question that does not need an answer. It’s more a habit. Jeno nods as Renjun rubs his eyes with the back of his hands. With the tips of his toes, Renjun makes the chair roll closer to the bed. When his knees touch the frame, he leans in. “You okay?” He asks with his elbows sinking into the mattress._

_“Yes. Don’t worry.” Renjun examines him for a couple of seconds. Then, he crosses his arms and rests them on the bed together with this head. Jeno’s arm tickles as their skins touch. He only needs to raise his hand resting on his thigh to caress Renjun’s hair. He does it as Renjun starts pouting while observing him. “Don’t worry.”_

_Renjun moves his head to the other side without raising it. A way to communicate that he’s going to ignore what Jeno has just told him. Jeno’s hand is on the air, unsure of keeping on patting him._

_Renjun sighs with his face still turned away from him. Jeno sighs too, moving his eyes to the place where he knows Renjun is looking at._

_His leg._

_His right leg, which is on a cast._

_It had broken that morning._

_They are fifteen. And as any fifteen-year-old who is part of the soccer team, he had a match. It had been the semi-finals. No, the team did not make it to the finals. The morale of the team had lowered when the ace of the team fractured his leg ten minutes after the match had started. Jeno’s leg had been trapped in between the metallic structure of the porter’s lodge and another player._

_Jeno cried the first ten minutes. Renjun cried all the way to the hospital, and even more the way back home._

_And he would probably had kept crying if Mr. Moon had not let Jeno stay in his room once they were home._

_“He needs to be comfortable. I’ll lend him my bed,” was what Renjun had said as Johnny carried him through the house. Renjun tugged Johnny’s arm, guiding him to his room._

_Jeno decides to put his hand on Renjun’s nape._

_“It doesn’t hurt. I swear.” Jeno makes a circle with his thumb on Renjun’s skin._

_Renjun turns and raises his head, making Jeno’s hand land on his arm. Jeno does not move it at all._

_“I don’t want you to play soccer again.” It’s an order._

_“It will only take two or three months to heal.”_

_Renjun frowns at him, shaking his head. “No. You’re never playing again. I won’t let you.”_

_“But-”_

_“No. Never.”_

_Jeno sulks. Mad. “But-”_

_“I will tell Mr. Moon you’re quitting,” Renjun announces and tries to stand up._

_Jeno catches him by his wrist. “I like it. I won’t quit.”_

_Renjun huffs. Mad. “No. You will.” He shakes his arm, freeing himself, and walks straight to the door._

_Jeno tries to move to catch him again. He moves his left leg, then the right one. The cast is new and heavy that Jeno ends up colliding it with the ankle of his good leg._

_He yelps._

_“Jeno!” Renjun is alarmed. He jumps right to his side and starts panicking. “D-Does it hurt? Do you need something? I-I will bring Mr. Mo-”_

_Jeno catches his wrist again, stopping him there. He shakes his head and tries to prop himself up since he landed on his left side._

_Renjun helps him sit. Jeno notices he is trembling a little. As Renjun is helping him to lean on the headboard, he pushes himself to the right, making space for Renjun on the bed. He drags Renjun to sit by his side._

_Renjun does, letting himself be led by Jeno’s pinky tangled with his._

_Renjun furrows his eyebrows. Unease._

_“I don’t want you to be hurt again. I don’t want it.” His eyes start to redden, and his lower lip trembles._

_“Jun,” he tries to comfort the other._

_Renjun drags his free hand—the other one is still connected with Jeno’s pinky on his lap—to his face. He tries to cover his face with his arm. “I-I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t see you get hurt. I-I-” He is sobbing, tears run down on his cheeks._

_Jeno takes Renjun’s arm away with his free hand._

_Renjun bites his lower lip, trying to hush his cries. Tears and tears flow._

_“I-I was scared. I don’t want to lose you.”_

_It was just a broken bone, but… Renjun cared. He always cared if it was him._

_A warm and cozy feeling instills himself in the middle of his chest. Well, no. It is not the first time Jeno had felt that. But this time, it is surely stronger._

_Jeno frees their pinkies, now clasping each hand in one of his._

_Renjun hiccups. “I-I know you l-like it. But-t, if you a-again-”_

_Jeno understands._

_“Okay. I’ll quit. Don’t worry.” Jeno recognizes remorse on Renjun’s eyes immediately. He intervenes, squeezing his hands. He smiles at him. “We’ll be together more now. We’ll have time on the afternoon to do something together. You don’t have to wait for me anymore. We-We can go wherever you want. We’ll do many things. The two of us. We… we will… be safe… with each other.” Another tear falls from Renjun’s eyes as he closes them. “Don’t worry, okay? Please, don’t worry.”_

_Renjun nods with a shy smile._

_Jeno means it. He truly does._

_They lie again on Renjun’s bed. Next to each other. The cool of the wall on his right shoulder, the warmth of Renjun on his left._

_Their pinkies are interlaced once more._

_“I’ll never let anything hurt you again.”_

Jeno knows Renjun meant it. Jeno knows he truly did.

Jeno holds on to that memory as his eyes are on the window of a hospital room. It’s cold outside. It’s winter. The injury on his body throbbing.

He is twenty-one.

He’s alone.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

When he finally woke up, it was Wednesday. He managed to make it until Wednesday, although his heart had stopped beating on the ambulance on Sunday’s night and then it stopped again on the surgery table on Monday at midnight.

He had died.

Twice.

No, thrice.

When he finally woke up, there was no handcuff trapping him on the bed. And, soon he recognized the place. All of the rooms in hospitals were almost the same. Jeno had been in one before. Well, not him. Renjun. The first time for a high fever and a cold. The second time it had been a stomachache, which had been caused by stress. The hospital was ‘associated’ in some way with the Dong Clan.

_Renjun._

Renjun was not there. No one was there. He woke up alone in that pale room.

The heart monitor started to beep, alerting the nurses of the floor as he was panicking, not knowing what happened, his last memory someone shooting from his back.

The nurses came. He asked. He screamed a name. He was ignored. He had accidentally opened the stitches on his body. They sedated him.

That afternoon, a doctor had come when the sedative effects happened.

Dr. Qian.

_“You only need to know that you survived. That’s all.”_

And in that moment, he knew no one was going to say a thing. No matter how much he begged. But one thing was sure, and Jeno breathed knowing it.

Renjun was alive.

Renjun was alive because Jeno was alive.

He knew that there was no point of saving him to kill him in order to avenge the death of the heir. Or if the point of saving him to kill him was an option, the Dong Clan would have for sure not put him in a private hospital with all these commodities. They would have tortured him until he had wished to be dead instead.

Renjun was alive.

Now, Jeno needed to know if he was safe. Renjun was not in hands of another clan, but in the hands of his own family, and that was what worried Jeno the most.

He never belonged there.

Jeno knew that Renjun had heard his mother. Renjun knew that Jeno had lied. That Jeno had betrayed him. Or at least, he had comprehended that. Renjun would have been mad or, worse, hurt. No, Jeno knew he was hurt. Jeno had hurt him. But it was not Jeno’s fault. Jeno had never done anything to hurt him. Jeno had sworn to protect him, and he had been doing it. Jeno was sure Renjun was confused. The reason why he had not been there by the side of his bed. That or that his family knew what his mother had tried to do, and they had taken Renjun away from Jeno. Jeno needed to find him and talk with him. Jeno needed to explain things to him and maybe apologize. Everything was going to be alright. Everything, as always.

He needed to see Renjun.

He needed to see him no matter what.

No matter what happens next.

But no one but the nurses and Dr. Qian entered the room.

No one said a thing.

He was sure he could have been discharged after a week in there, but then he had caught an infection.

And for some reason, after he had been cured, Dr. Qian had still held him there.

Jeno liked the idea because it meant that he had been retained for a reason.

But time passed. Fall ended. Winter arrived.

And Dr. Qian told him he was free to go this morning.

Jeno finds himself on the hospital entrance five weeks after he had arrived.

The stab on the right side of his abdomen is healing. It still hurts due to the cold. A scar with a diameter seven centimeters there. Another on his left arm, which is a smaller one. Three centimeters, but it had sliced an artery. Another on the palm of his right hand. He had grabbed the knife with his hand. The scar goes through his index, his middle finger and, diagonally, his palm. All of them are healing, but the skin had formed bumps and the color is whiter. There are no bruises, but there are scars. He still limps a bit when he walks, but Dr. Qian said it was not going to last long.

The scars were proof that all of that hell had happened. That and that he was alone.

Jeno finds himself on the hospital entrance five weeks after he had arrived. No bills for his stay. The clothes he is using are not his but a sports suit from some kind of marathon organized by the hospital a year ago and a coat he is not sure he has to give back. No money on his pockets. No phone. No one waiting for him outside.

It is winter.

It is cold.

Jeno waits for an hour there on the entrance. After that hour he accepts no one was going to come.

Jeno walks away from that place.

He needs to find someone.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

The apartment building he had lived in for the last three years is three steps away from him. His heart is beating fast, his right-side throbbing. He limps as he approaches.

He pushes the door open.

His cheeks are freezing, and he can barely feel his fingers.

Jeno’s body has not yet crossed the door completely when Mr. Bae’s eyes land on him.

By the look on his face, Jeno knows there is no hope.

“You can’t go up,” he says, and, before Jeno starts running, adds, “No one is here. He… left.” That’s what he says before handing him a box and a suitcase fifteen minutes later, because Jeno had been shaken by the news, unable to move.

Mr. Bae had been handed them a month ago.

Jeno knows that those are the last things of a previous life.

The only things left.

Mr. Bae sees him, alarmed, as Jeno does not notice he had lost all the color on his face.

“May I use your phone?” he manages to ask with a broken voice.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

The day the _incident in the container terminal_ —as the news had called it—had happened three months ago. Jeno had to look for the details of that day on the web. Six people died that day. His mother had been the only woman. Her name hadn’t been written, only mentioned as an unknown woman in her forties. Jeno has the idea that the other four men had been those who had been lured by his mother. The fifth, Jeno knows, is that boy who Renjun had shot dead.

Renjun shot a person. Renjun killed a person. Renjun knew how to hold a gun and what he was doing.

Jeno recalls that day, but with every passing second, things get mixed in his head. He isn’t sure if he remembers things accurately, or if it is that his mind changes details every time, differing from reality.

Renjun is the son of a criminal that swindles, extorts, kills, a criminal who had sold his soul years ago in exchange of power. He is one of the heirs of the most powerful clans of the country. Those of the northwest zone. In the neighboring country—from where Renjun was born—they were known as the owners of the east. Of course, Renjun had to be tainted with the traits of his progenitor. What Jeno found surprising is that he did not know that part of Renjun. The image of Renjun shooting a gun without blinking does not match the one of a boy who usually woke up in the middle of the night scared by bad dreams.

He wonders three things: When did Renjun learn it? What else could he do? And, why did he not take Jeno to learn about it too? He somehow resents him for that.

Jeno could have known how to defend them with that knowledge.

Yes, Jeno was aware that his moral compass had broken many years ago.

_As long as Renjun was alright._

Jeno had gone to the safe house of the Dong Clan in the capital. He had been there twice before. He had reached the door and knocked.

Yes, Jeno had knocked at the door of a criminal gang. A gang which probably listed him as a conspirator of the attempted murder of their boss’s son.

He knocked for half an hour. Then, he started to scream Renjun’s name, then Mr. Moon’s, then Johnny’s. It was not until he said the name of the Boss that a familiar feeling of a gun’s muzzle on his temple made him shut up.

 _“Go. Go and never come back. This is a final warning,”_ someone he had never met had told him.

The house in which Renjun and he had grown up was a three-hour trip. Jeno had disposed of the idea of going there because he was sure the warning extended to that place.

And a part of him had been sure Renjun was not there too. Neither was anyone who would welcome his visit.

Jeno goes out of the shower, ruffling his hair with a towel, only his underwear covering him. He does it even when his roommate’s door, which is in front of the bathroom, is wide open. At least Jeno uses underwear... Mark on the other hand, no. Jeno considers it as something that made them grow close.

Well, no. _No_.

Mark had been the only aid Jeno had received. Jeno had no one left. When he was eleven, his mother informed him of the death of his grandmother. He never met any other blood-related relatives and with his mother’s death… he was an orphan. He tried to think of a friend or anyone else, but… there was no one but Renjun. Renjun and the people who took care of him.

Jeno never noticed until that moment that he had made his own life orbit around Renjun.

Renjun was all he had, always had. Renjun was no longer there.

_“That’s the problem with relationships. You become so dependent on the other that you both become one. He’s like the extension of your own body. And when you break up, it sucks. You have to learn to live with that part that had always been there.”_

That was what a drunk Mark had told him days later after having picked him up from the entrance of the high-class apartment complex, with Mr. Bae patting Jeno’s back, wishing him luck. Mark thinks he and Renjun had broken up very badly. That Renjun had kicked him out of his apartment and well…

Mark made the rule of never saying Renjun’s name out loud ever again after hearing Jeno cry the first two nights in the apartment.

If he only knew…

Jeno, nor Mark, never thought that they would become roommates.

Mark Lee was truly an angel.

_“Don’t worry about the rent. When you are on a better state, let’s talk about it. Just worry about yourself for now. You need it.”_

Jeno spent the next month learning how to cook for them both, always cleaned, and was as quiet as a mouse. Mark never had any complaints about him. And Jeno, the only two complaints he had about Mark was that Mark was noisy when he pulled all-nighters, and that he was also noisy in bed.

Yes, Jeno became quite aware of the active sexual life of his roommate their second week of living together.

_“About last night. Ha. You know… about… wasn’t it like too loud?”_

It had been, but Jeno had replied that he was a heavy sleeper—he wasn’t but seeing a flushed Mark with hickeys on his neck, arms, and legs was something he wished he had not witnessed. And it was not like Mark always brought someone different—it had always been the same person, who Jeno had luckily not met yet and who he always recognized from the same tone of those high-pitched moans, and who strangely Mark always referred to as _my friend_ . But who was Jeno to judge him? Mark had helped him a lot for only being the senior of his _now ex-boyfriend_. Mark Lee was an angel. A kinky one, but an angel.

Mark had called him a friend the same night he had picked him up. 

And, Jeno was glad.

Jeno closes the door of the bathroom with delicacy even knowing Mark isn’t in the apartment at that moment.

Mark is now in class, his last semester before graduating, and Jeno is putting on his uniform to go to work.

When Mark had reminded him about the semester starting again, Jeno had frozen up, being aware he could not pay the fees. And university was not a priority for him at that moment.

_“I’ll take the semester off. I can’t go now.”_

Mark did not need to know how Jeno had financed his studies without a penny on his name all his life. Mark decided to no meddle but was a little disappointed, thinking it had something to do with Renjun.

In some way, it did have something to do with him, but not as Mark thought.

It did not help that, around that time, Jeno had asked Mark to see if Renjun had enrolled that semester. Jeno had gone to the campus looking for him, knowing too well the buildings and places Renjun went, but there was no trace of him. As Mark was Renjun’s senior, he had requested Mark to seek any information about him, which Mark did, telling him it was the first and last thing he would do because Jeno had to move on from him and not stalk his ex.

No, Renjun had not enrolled too.

And Mark decided to ignore that that was odd too.

Jeno was not sure what do. He had no idea where Renjun was. There was no way to contact him. But he was going to find a way to get to him. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do after he found him, but… he was going to find him.

He needed to find him.

As Jeno arranges the jacket of the delivery service company he works in on the mirror of the elevator, he fixes the cap on his head and takes a deep breath.

Although making a plan to know how to find Renjun, he knows he cannot do anything without money. The elevator keeps going down. Jeno takes his phone out.

He dials a number. He has been doing the same over the past months.

The elevator reaches the first floor as the call is immediately sent to voicemail.

It repeats the message he’s heard hundreds of times.

Jeno goes out of the elevator and puts the phone back in his pocket.

He convinces himself that maybe one day Renjun will pick up to cheer himself up before dealing with another day without him.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno checks the hour on his phone.

3:53 am.

The phone turns itself off instantaneously, running out of battery.

Jeno sighs as he drags his feet through the hall, leading himself to the apartment Mark and he had been sharing for the last six months. His neck hurts, and his body feels heavy. He tries not to make a sound as he enters the apartment. It’s dark, so he knows Mark is sleeping. Which Jeno is kind enough to not disrupt, knowing Mark’s finals are in about a week. Mark has been surviving on coffee and energy bars before Jeno had decided to be a helpful friend and prepared meals for Mark to eat.

Jeno yawns as he passes in front of Mark’s door. He stops there for a couple of seconds since it had been a little too loud.

As there is no sound, he makes his way to his room at the end of the hall. After a couple of minutes, he goes through the same path again, closes the bathroom door with delicacy and turns on the shower.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno yawns again as he turns off the light in the bathroom. He starts calculating in his head; at that moment it’s probably 4 am, so he can have at least three hours of sleep before he has to wake up again.

His stomach grumbles. He has not eaten anything since 6 pm from the previous day, if he could count the chocolate bar he ate as a meal. He prioritizes his hours of sleep rather than food. He closes the bathroom door. As he tries to be quiet while making his way to his room, he shivers.

It’s almost summer, so he knows that even if he’s only wearing his underwear and a towel on his head, it cannot be the cold. So, he—

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Jeno stops on his tracks, a hand on the handle of his door. Goosebumps on every centimeter of his skin. He slowly turns on his heels, not sure if the lack of sleep has messed his head up. He isn’t wearing his glasses, and it’s dark. The blurry spot walks in his direction. It’s like a ghost.

“Kinda missed your face these past few years.”

With a cheeky grin on his face, Lee Donghyuck greets him, just a step away.

Yes, it is a ghost.

Lee Donghyuck, the only son and heir of the Lee Clan, which has control over the center of the country and the port city. The Lee Donghyuck whose clan owns the Western Channel and are now the second most important clan of the country. The Lee Donghyuck who had tormented him and Renjun during their adolescence. The Lee Donghyuck who he had not seen once since they had come to university.

That Lee Donghyuck is there in his apartment in the ungodly hours of the night, wearing nothing but a shirt too big for his body that covers until the middle of his thighs. And Jeno recognizes the shirt. It’s Mark’s.

Donghyuck laughs at his face.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno stands next to the door with his head low and his hands by his sides. It’s his room, but something inside him makes him behave as if he had stepped into the Lee territory with a target pointed to his head.

Donghyuck is sitting on his bed, lazily sprawled. His eyes scan the place as his nose scrunches, judging the lack of… everything.

“So.” Jeno’s body stiffens. It does not help that he is almost naked in front of him. He closes his fists as a way to control his nerves. “It was true.”

Jeno remains silent.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes at Jeno’s antics.

“Look at me when I’m talking,” he demands. And Jeno does as he is told. With his glasses on and the light of the room, he can see Donghyuck.

His tan skin and mischievous eyes are still there. The baby fat on his cheeks almost gone. A split on his left eyebrow that was not there the last time he saw him is there, too. His hair is now blond platinum and wavy. Now that he sees him clearly, he can see the smudged eyeliner over and under his eyes. His head is raised, and he looks at him as always.

As if Jeno was a cockroach he was going to crush.

A soft sound emerges from Donghyuck’s throat, a laugh.

It’s not mockery. It is another emotion Jeno sees him display for the first time.

“Stop staring. I know I’m pretty.”

Jeno’s not sure if it’s because he’s nervous or because of the lack of the coherency of his thoughts for what happened in the last thirty minutes, but he blushes.

Donghyuck laughs again.

“You truly are a case, Jeno.” And it’s probably the first time Jeno had not felt threatened by Lee Donghyuck in all his life. Weird. Donghyuck clears his throat. “So, as I was saying, I see that it is true. The rumors.”

“What rumors?” Jeno’s voice trembles a bit. Donghyuck does not point it out.

“About the Dong Clan. That there was a conflict. That people fought. That people died.”

“Doesn’t that happen always?” A small pinch of bravery assaults his guts. Donghyuck raises one of eyebrows. Then smiles. It’s mockery this time with some fury for being interrupted.

“When money, weapons, or power are on the line, it’s normal. Not when a nobody causes it.” Jeno’s breath falters. “How does it feel being stabbed?” Donghyuck’s eyes go to that place where a scar of seven centimeters in diameter is. There’s another scar on his chest that Jeno usually forgot about. Right on the opposite side of his heart. The knife had only pierced the skin. Almost reached a bone. A centimeter smaller than the one on his stomach. Jeno stops himself from covering them. Donghyuck has already seen everything he needed. “How much did they ask for you? What was the price of your head?”

Donghyuck considers it funny. Jeno’s silence makes him display a bigger grin. “You truly caused a lot of conflict, Jeno. Did you know that you caused the killing of half of the Heo Clan? Officially, it was blamed to some business going bad and money being lost. Unofficially, it was said that a mistress was the center of all of that. The whore of the son being kidnapped, and the fool losing his mind and going on a killing spree. Everyone thought they must have killed you—you, the whore—for the sociopathic Renjun to claim blood. But… seeing you here, I must admit, people like to blow rumors out of proportion. So, wanna share what happened? Because I’m sure something big must have happened for the Dong Clan to almost break their alliance with the rest of the clans in order to avenge a mistress. And I don’t think those scratches on your body are enough to justify that Renjun’s brother is now in charge of this part of their territory while Renjun had been excommunicated back to China?”

“What?”

Donghyuck opens his mouth and closes it. He frowns.

“Wait. You…” And something clicks in Donghyuck’s head, having connected some dots. “He threw you away, right?” He opens his mouth and smiles. “I can’t believe it. Oh, my… Yangyang will love hearing this. I’m gonna–”

“Is Renjun in China?”

Donghyuck stops snickering. “You did not know. Poor you.”

“Is he in China?”

Donghyuck accommodates himself. He straightens his back. “Yeah. Rumor has it he went back home to… take care of the business”

It does not make sense.

Nothing makes sense.

“Didn’t you say Sicheng is now in charge of this zone? He’s the first son. He–”

“ _Ya_. How could I know? Clans don’t go sharing their hierarchy with everyone to make it easy for people to choose who’s next to be killed.”

“But–”

Donghyuck sighs, seeing Jeno lose his mind. He leans back again. “The Heo Clan wanted revenge for the slaughter. Since everything was caused by the mistress— _you_ —they wanted the Romeo—Renjun—dead. Their clan broke many rules of the alliance. They’re now in a kind of ‘trial period.’ They wanted Renjun’s head, so his dad stepped down, naming Sicheng the head since he is seen as weak and a newbie. Then, he dragged Renjun back home. It was truly a mess. They shouldn’t have been so dramatic over that. The Dong Clan created a mess with the alliances.”

“Heo kidnapped me first.”

Donghyuck looks at him as if he had said the dumbest thing ever. He did. “And you are? Yes, no one. You aren’t even part of the clan for them to have acted like that. It would have been understandable if you had been pregnant with Renjun’s child because of then he’d be next in line and all of that. But, no. Or is there something you’ve been hiding?”

Donghyuck’s eyes glances down to under his belly button, and Jeno covers it. Donghyuck laughs at the action.

“They claimed blood, Jeno. Half of the clan versus one person. It does not make sense. It was… like a favor.” Donghyuck’s voice darkens at the statement. “You were kidnapped. You, the lover of the forgotten son of the Dong Clan. Everyone knew he had no power. He was not going to inherit anything. So, why did the clan avenge you? You know what I mean, right?” Cold sweat appears on his back. Jeno has no idea of what he meant “What did Renjun do to get you back? And why suddenly is it a rumor that the Dong Clan is dividing their power in two when for years everyone was told to kiss Dong Sicheng’s ass?” There is a pause. A final lunge. “And what did you do to have Renjun leave you here on your own with nothing but a suitcase and on the street?”

And in that moment Jeno remembers the reason why his and Donghyuck’s paths had crossed once again. Mark Lee.

“He disposed of you after all those years of undying devotion. After going nuts protecting you, he left you. It does not make sense.” And Jeno can feel that Donghyuck can see through him, making him cover the scar on his abdomen with his right hand. Donghyuck notices it. “Whatever you have did to Renjun for him to drop you like that… must have been pretty bad. Even more if Renjun sold his soul to his own family for it and leave you here after that.”

Jeno had been looking for answers over the last months, and today of all days he got them.

Lee Donghyuck and his big mouth.

It had been nothing he wanted to hear.

Some things were missing, but something was something.

At least a clue of what happened.

“He surely must not want to see your face, my friend. It’s impossible for him to have something as normal as a relationship. Especially with you. The shorty is really crazy. He will never be normal.”

_Normal._

“What about you?”

Donghyuck, who had been distracted with his thoughts while staring at the ceiling, looks at Jeno. “What about me?”

“You’re like him, too. You can’t have anything normal, too.” Donghyuck frowns, unable to understand his point. It’s his turn to laugh. “Mark.”

And Donghyuck holds his breath.

“Does Mark know about your family? About the blood on your veins? The blood on their hands?” Donghyuck’s nostrils flare. “So, has he been sleeping with a stranger by his side all this time? Do you even use your real name with–”

Donghyuck storms at him. For a second, Jeno’s sure he’s going to hit him.

“Don’t you dare try to do something. I can destroy you. I can do whatever I want. You have no one. You’re by yourself now. You’re nothing without Renjun having your back.”

Jeno ends up pushing Donghyuck out of the room. He closes the door on his face, strong enough that he hears Mark’s voice.

“Hyuck?” He hears Mark call from far, probably having woken up due to the noise.

Donghyuck does not make him wait; Jeno hears his steps going further away.

Jeno hits his head on the door. Something throbs on his right side. It’s the scar. Jeno thinks it hurts. Jeno knows it’s only his conscience, reminding him of his mistakes.

He has truly fucked everything up.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Jeno has a headache.

A mixture of the lack of sleep and all the things that have been on his mind since Lee Donghyuck’s appearance hours ago, but he gets out of bed. His shift starts in forty minutes, and he takes thirty to reach there. He is running late.

As every morning, he rushes out of the bathroom, cleaning the toothpaste on the crack of his lips, as he makes his way to the kitchen to grab something not nutritious when he finds Lee Donghyuck in front of the stove, making pancakes. An oblivious Mark Lee hugging him from behind.

The crash of two worlds.

“Jeno,” Mark greets, disentangling himself from Donghyuck. Jeno notices that the dark bags under Mark’s eyes are less notorious compared to yesterday. He tries not to think about Donghyuck being the nice “boyfriend,” indulging Mark in resting and taking care of himself.

 _Ugh_. It’s Lee Donghyuck he’s talking about.

A spawn of the devil.

Jeno has not been so subtle about glaring at the boy behind Mark, making the oldest chuckle uncomfortably.

“Well. Ha. You see… this is–”

“Jeno-ya. I can’t believe is you.” Donghyuck fakes a smile and greets him like an old friend.

“Wha-What? Do you know each other?” Donghyuck intertwines his body with Mark’s. Like a viper. It isn’t something cute, unlike what Jeno is sure Mark thinks of the gesture—it’s a warning from Donghyuck.

“Yes.” Donghyuck raises his already high-pitched voice, trying to sound cute. _Ugh._ “I can’t believe the world is _so_ small. I’m Junnie’s friend.”

Silence.

_No, he did not dare to—_

“Hyuckie,” Mark calls. Donghyuck tilts his head to the side and blinks at him as if he has no clue what’s happening. “That. About… Junnie. I mean Renjun is… a hard topic.” Mark’s eyes enlarge as plates and he scrunches his nose trying to communicate something to Donghyuck “ I told you about the...” Mark murmurs between his teeth as if Jeno couldn’t hear him “... he left him”

Mark Lee deserves a place in heaven.

He is so pure he would not survive in this cruel world.

Donghyuck frowns and pouts. Then, he opens his eyes as a sign of understanding. Jeno wonders what had Mark had told him about Jeno’s affairs. And even more, since when did Donghyuck know he was there. He’s sure it hadn’t been so long, because he would have come to him sooner if that had been the case. Maybe it had to do with Mark never pronouncing Renjun’s name right that Donghyuck did not come sooner. Jeno could not blame him. It took him a month before Renjun’s name flew correctly without effort from his mouth. Maybe Donghyuck though that certain Ronjin abandoned Mark’s roommate. And, who could have told that from all places on Earth they would have met there? 

“Oh. Yes. I forgot. Silly me. Sorry, Jen.”

The headache aches harder, and Jeno is running late.

“Yes. I gotta go.” He does not bother turning around.

“Wait. I made some breakfast for you,” Donghyuck cuts in, handing him a plate with three pancakes. Jeno stares at the plate, and then at Donghyuck. It’s a thanks for taking care of Mark during those weeks.”

Mark blushes when Donghyuck winks at him.

“They are really good,” Mark says, taking his own plate with a pile of pancakes. There’s a heart made from syrup on top.

Jeno considers it for a while. Mark will be upset if he doesn’t accept them, and there’s a big chance Donghyuck had poisoned his.

So, Jeno snatches two pancakes from Mark’s plate—the one with the heart too—and puts them in his mouth.

He murmurs a thanks and goes out.

He holds for the whole day on the memory of the burning gaze that Donghyuck gave him to cheer himself up.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Mark failed his last exam and hell had broken.

He felt bad for Mark, but Mark had only to retake it; that was all. However, Mark’s distressed state has brought a demoniac presence into Jeno’s life.

Lee Donghyuck.

Jeno had managed to never meet “Mark’s friend” for months, and now Donghyuck practically lives there. Always seeing him. Always there. Always throwing snarky comments. But nothing else, which is surprising.

Jeno thought that Donghyuck would disappear once Mark retook his exam, but no. Mark’s graduation ceremony is in a week, but Donghyuck is still there. He had been there for the last 23 days. Jeno has been counting.

Just a little part of Jeno feels… gratitude? Towards him. Jeno had started eating what Donghyuck prepares. It was for Mark and himself, but Mark was an angel, and Donghyuck started putting more water and rice. And, Jeno kind of likes his cooking. No, he is never going to say that out loud.

They aren’t close. Almost nothing. And by this, the 24th day, Jeno thinks he is used to Donghyuck’s presence.

Jeno never believed it would happen.

But Jeno never imagined his life would have changed that much since the last day he saw Renjun.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

“What are you doing here?” Jeno says to Donghyuck, who is sitting on his bed. Just like their first encounter almost a month ago. This time, Donghyuck isn’t wearing any makeup, but his clothes are actually Mark’s again.

However, Jeno knows something isn’t right.

They had never been alone together since the first time, and even more Donghyuck has never sneaked into his room.

“Does Mark–”

“Don’t worry about him. He sleeps like a log after–” Donghyuck cuts himself off, and Jeno bets he is blushing.

Jeno blinks at him. A little amused.

“You don’t need to be shy. Aren’t you aware I can hear you all night–” Donghyuck clears his throat hard enough for Jeno to quiet down. It’s not hostile. Donghyuck is embarrassed. A small victory for Jeno.

“I–I came to talk with you.”

Jeno stares at him.

“There’s nothing we have to talk about,” Jeno announces, taking off the vest he uses as a uniform during summer. He looks for his contact lenses’ case on his nightstand, ready to kick Donghyuck out.

“Renjun.”

And that is all it takes for Donghyuck to have Jeno in his hands.

“Did something happen with him?” The distress in Jeno’s voice is so evident that Donghyuck surely wants to mock him, restraining himself from doing so.

In exchange. A smile adorns his lips.

Like a wolf.

Jeno was still digesting the idea that Renjun was now going to assume the position he had always hated the most. The Head of a Clan. Renjun had always repudiated that life and now…

Jeno was only sure he needed to find him. And with every passing second, he was getting more desperate.

“What happened with him?” 

Donghyuck is relaxed. He knows he has won. “I’ve been looking at you, Jeno. During all this time. Mark has told me some things too. You really are a loyal dog. I know you’re trying to save in order to see him. It’s funny, I must admit. After throwing you away, what does the loyal dog do? He has three part-time jobs, saving money. Look at your face. You’re like a dead man walking. You don’t sleep. You almost don’t eat. What’s your plan? Now that you know that he is in China, are you going to walk there? To knock on his door and beg him to take you back? It wouldn’t work. Because you did something to him, and something pretty bad, right? His family is not going to forgive you that easily. You know they will kill you.”

Donghyuck is witty. Even if Jeno’s lips have been sealed during all this time.

“I want to offer you something.” A pause. Donghyuck is enjoying the power he has. Jeno just waits. “Work for me.”

He doesn’t expect that. Jeno waits for it to be a joke, or perhaps Yangyang’s about to appear out of nowhere and punch him as always.

But no.

“Why?”

Donghyuck does not answer, only observes him. 

“What makes you think I will be loyal to you? You know me. You know I don’t consider you dear to me in any aspect.”

Donghyuck sneers at his words, but calmly replies, “You haven’t said a thing about my family to Mark. Not about who I truly am.” _True._ “And, I don’t think my threats were what stopped you, right?” Partially true, but Jeno is not going to admit it. Donghyuck’s eyes are on him. Jeno does not break the eye contact. He knows that once he does it, it’s over. A test. It’s a test. “Remember that night? Renjun’s birthday, right?” _Yes, I do remember it._ “You hit me, knowing I was the son of a lord. The heir of crime syndicate.” Donghyuck’s antics “You didn’t care, even if that could cost you your life.” _Yes._ “You will not be loyal to me, but you are loyal to Renjun. You will always be loyal to him.” Donghyuck anticipates for a reply. Jeno does not feel the need to add anything else. “As long as I’m a bridge between you two, You are gonna be my dog.”

“What makes me valuable?”

Donghyuck feels pleased at the fast response. He tries not to show it. He needs to make Jeno think he has control over it. “I see you as a long-time investment, Jeno. Kim Jeno? That’s your name?”

Jeno clenches his jaw at the sound of his own name. “What I can offer you?” His voice is stern. Donghyuck knows he had switched something inside him.

“Power.”

Jeno chuckles. “I have nothing. You know it. I’m not a valuable piece for the Dong Clan. You said it. I’m a no one.”

“I don’t want them. I want my own power. My own empire.” Now, Jeno is not sure if he wants to hear what Donghyuck is implying. “Empires do not appear from one day to another. They need tears. They need blood. They need souls. They need capable people. And you are one of them. You can’t knock on the Dong’s crib and expect them to give you Renjun on a silver tray. You can’t expect that, being a no one.” Donghyuck stands from the bed. He walks straight towards him. “You will become powerful, my friend. They will come look for you. They won’t say no to what you want. They won’t be able to say no.” Donghyuck’s breath is on his face. It burns on his skin. He whispers, “You want Renjun, right? I will give him to you. We will take him away from them. They won’t be able to touch you. Nor Renjun nor you. You want that, right? You want Renjun.”

A beat of his heart is all that takes for Jeno to answer.

“What do I have to do?”

Donghyuck smiles.

He knows he’s won. He takes a step back and goes back to Jeno’s bed.

He sits there like he owns the place.

Well, he owns Jeno now.

“You have brains, right? The highest score and the perfect schoolboy. Two semesters away, and you’ll become a lawyer, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tae Il sighs, scrunching his nose, dubitative.
> 
> “Eight letters. Adorable and huggable,” he says out loud and waits.
> 
> Johnny munches on the pastry, and it ends leaving a trace of sugar glass on the tip of his nose.
> 
> “Moon Tae Il,” Johnny says with a smudged smile. Tae Il observes him for a couple of seconds. Johnny wiggles his eyebrows. No emotion is displayed on Tae Il’s face.
> 
> “Those are nine letters.”
> 
> Johnny pouts.
> 
> Tae Il lowers the crossword he has been working on since he started eating breakfast. He discards that in order to snatch the last piece of fruit from Johnny’s plate. The black-haired man does not say a thing, peering over the piece of paper.
> 
> “Your handwriting still sucks.”
> 
> Johnny evades the kick from under the table Tae Il was going to give him.
> 
> Even using those soft-green monster slippers, Tae Il always hits hard.
> 
> The calm morning gets interrupted by noisy stomps. Then, a door is being stridently shut.
> 
> Both of them remain quiet.
> 
> Tae Il drinks the now-cold tea on his mug.
> 
> “We aren’t going to go back any time soon, are we?” Johnny asks.
> 
> Tae Il finishes his tea. He stands up, taking the crossword under his arm. He leans close to Johnny, and, with his thumb, cleans the latter’s nose. He leaves the table without a word.
> 
> But Johnny understands what he meant.


	7. Stage IV – 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope all of you are doing well. From the distance, I send you all a really big and warm hug.  
> Please, take care.  
> 🤗
> 
> Thank you, Z

Jeno is twenty-three years old when he graduates from college. He is still twenty-three when he gets accepted into a law firm. It is not surprising at all, since the firm has as a frequent client—the Lee Clan.

Yes, it was all Donghyuck’s doing.

And as an ambitious investor in his life, Donghyuck expected from him nothing but the best. Which Jeno understood clearly after losing his first case. Lee Donghyuck broke three of his ribs and a finger. Yes, Yangyang had not lost his touch after all those years.

_“Kings are gods, my friend. Gods don’t commit mistakes.”_

Donghyuck and his fixation on an empire of his own. Jeno is not proud of what he has done, but he—after two other beatings, a cut on his shoulder, and cigarette burns—knows how to move things. He asks, and he is answered. He investigates, and he gets what he needs. His eye-smile is everything. As long as he knows what he wants to get, he gets it.

No, he is not at the top of the firm. He’s still new. Twenty-six. Only three years, almost four. He is not at the top yet, but he is the assistant of the one and only Kim Doyoung. The one you need to call to take the devil out of jail and make the judge apologize for wasting their time. Yes, ruthless.

Well, Jeno is one of his assistants. Kim Jungwoo flaunts the title of being the favorite one between them both Jeno is not proud of what he had to do in order to be by Doyoung’s side, but… it was something no one but him did. Not even Donghyuck’s influences could help him achieve that position in such relative short time.

He rarely has cases by his own, officially, because most of the time, if he is not working with Doyoung and Jungwoo, he is working on something no one knows about. All of it always comes directly from Donghyuck. He prefers working with Doyoung, though, because not many can pay his fee and not many are worth the attention of the devil’s attorney, quite literally speaking.

It is always a thrill to work with him in a case. They always win no matter what, but Jeno gets to learn the ways to always achieve victory. He knows he cannot lose.

At the moment, Jeno is standing a couple of meters away from the entrance of the court. He is standing at the end of the stairs, while Doyoung is at the top, talking with a bunch of journalists about his client’s plans, now that he is going to be released. A man that left three families without their homes.

Doyoung is going to appear on three cable stations and possibly four newspapers. Jungwoo—as always—is standing behind him, appearing in the frame.

 _“The camera loves me. What can I do?_ ”

“Why does Jungwoo always looks like those rich trophy wives when he stands next to him like that?”

Jeno chuckled at the statement.

Yes, Jungwoo looked exactly like that, especially when winking and waving his hands as if in a beauty pageant next to Doyoung.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes as Jeno used that phrase to mock him. “Yes. Be blessed by my presence, honey.”

It was truly an honor to have the head of the Lee Clan by his side, Jeno wanted to point out. After the death of his father, Lee Donghyuck become the first in command. The Big Boss. The rumor on the streets was that the Lee Clan was a kill away from becoming the most important clan of the country. In two years, or three maybe, they will hold the title—if Donghyuck was not still settling himself as the rightful leader after two years of his father’s departure. People appeared from everywhere, claiming the title, and Donghyuck was busy taking care of them. But who knew, maybe things would happen sooner than expected. Jeno was not sure if tomorrow he will wake up with the news that Donghyuck is the Head of the Heads. It had happened like that when Donghyuck took his actual position as the leader of his clan. Jeno heard the news about the death of the Lee Clan’s boss from Doyoung. A week later, Donghyuck was crashing on his place preparing the dinner for them both as a celebration.

Yes, it was only Donghyuck and him now.

Doyoung dismisses the journalist, and they quickly disperse. He leans into and says something to Jungwoo. Jeno knows the latter has noticed Donghyuck’s presence next to him because Jungwoo whispers something to Doyoung, and they both quickly turn their eyes to them.

Donghyuck makes a peace sign. Doyoung only stares at him in response. Then, he glances at Jeno and nods.

 _‘That’s all for the day. Go.’_ Jeno assumes Doyoung is telling him, since he and Jungwoo turn and walk away from the court, leaving him behind.

Jeno sighs.

“Time flies. It’s already lunch time. Let’s eat. Your treat,” Lee Donghyuck tells him not waiting for a response.

Three bodyguards escort them to a car.

**·•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·** ****

Lee Donghyuck is like a child. He can go to the fanciest and most expensive restaurant of the city and order a hamburger from the menu. He does not even drink wine; he favors orange soda. For dessert, he always asks for cake. Chocolate cake or, on rare occasions, short strawberry cake. ****

Lee Donghyuck is one of the most feared people in the country. Someone powerful. They have not discussed the fact that Donghyuck’s dream of an empire has already almost been established years prior from Donghyuck’s original plan. But many things happen in a world in which you always have someone ready to stab you in the back, even from when you are a baby. Donghyuck has power. He is a snap of his fingers away from being the most powerful one. ****

But Jeno knows he isn’t happy. ****

Lee Donghyuck has not dyed his hair in years. There is no eyeliner or any trace of makeup on his face. He always wears black suits and black shirts. He rarely smiles when he is not drunk—and he rarely gets drunk. ****

Lee Donghyuck only orders short strawberry cake on rare occasions, too. And Jeno probably is the only one who knows why. ****

That was Mark Lee’s favorite cake. ****

No, Mark Lee isn’t dead. ****

He’s in another continent, living a normal life, probably having erased every memory of Lee Donghyuck. ****

Mark left Donghyuck after he—on Jeno’s advice—told him the truth. About clans, heirs, money, and blood. They had even been engaged then. Donghyuck has never blamed him for that. He had blamed Mark Lee ****

But Donghyuck had no time to dwell on his feelings since, less than a week later, his father had died. He became the Boss, and... ****

Lee Donghyuck only orders short strawberry cake on rare occasions—when things are not right or will probably become dangerous, or both not right and dangerous. ****

Once had been right after Mark had packed his things and moved from the shared apartment that he and Jeno had shared. The one Donghyuck had bought—he had made Jeno lie, made him say it was all thanks to Jeno’s new job and had them become roommates again. ****

 _“Keep an eye on him.”_ ****

Yes, Jeno had to nanny Mark just in case. After they got engaged, Jeno had expected to always be the third wheel, but he rarely saw Donghyuck in the new apartment. He and Donghyuck had met more times because of a job than because of Mark. ****

They had eaten short strawberry cake in a half-empty apartment. Jeno had a black eye, thanks to Mark. He had thought they were cheating on him at first—which was partially true, in that they were hiding a criminal life, but well... Jeno does not recall seeing Mark, the angel, cry. Donghyuck, the demon, cried on behalf of them both. ****

Another occasion in which they ate short strawberry cake was two weeks later after Mark had gone with the premise that Donghyuck was jinxed and had ruined his life. Donghyuck appeared in front of his door, and Jeno had panicked—Donghyuk’s father had died less than a week ago, and he had disappeared for a week. ****

Donghyuck had then prepared dinner for them both, and they had eaten in silence. Donghyuck had said it was a celebration for him becoming the new boss. Jeno had chosen not say anything, seeing a couple of tears roll from the other’s eyes as he had stuffed the cake into his mouth. ****

There is a Donghyuck before and after that. ****

Today, Lee Donghyuck orders a short strawberry cake. ****

Jeno is distracted, trying to suck a piece of lettuce stuck in one of his teeth when a piece of cake is put in front of him. Yes, if Donghyuck eats something everyone eats the same thing. ****

“You’re still working on it?” Donghyuck asks before taking a strawberry and putting it in his mouth. Jeno sips on his glass of wine, rinsing his mouth. ****

“I’m working on the thing you told me,” Jeno answers, taking a spoon of whipped cream into his mouth. “It’s more than dirty. I told you I’ll hand it to you by the end of the month.” ****

Jeno takes care of certains parts of the business that Donghyuck does not like to share with the whole firm, or only with some people when strictly necessary. If something happened, it was easier to make a small number of people -and not a whole building- disappear. ****

It had been said by many that once Donghyuck establishes himself on top -not needing the approval of the older members of his clan for the big actions he takes as it has been happening so far-, Jeno will become his right hand. One of them. Which Jeno considered fact, because he has had more work the moment Donghyuck had risen as the successor, and Jeno many times acknowledged himself as his secretary. Not just taking people out of jail or bribing who needed to be bribed—Jeno knew how Donghyuck drank his coffee—not coffee, per se, but some overpriced chocolate drink with extra whipped cream and way too much syrup. ****

Who would have imagined this development, considering Donghyuck had made Jeno cry and beg for mercy, trying to put worms inside his mouth, the first time they had met when they were eleven-year-olds? ****

“No, honey. Not for that.” The nickname is something that had just casually appeared years ago, and Donghyuck does not want to let it go. “Good news.” ****

Jeno takes another bite, leaving his plate almost empty, only the strawberry that Jeno always keeps for last left. ****

“What?” Jeno is passive, waiting. ****

“Have a suit? I’m taking you out.” ****

Jeno rolled his eyes. Yangyang had made certain comments about them both being too nice to each other. Jeno played along, torturing the boy. ****

 _“Your cousin is kinda… cute.”_ ****

No, it wasn’t true that they had crossed certain line on their relationship of partnership, but Yangyang didn’t need to know that. ****

“A party. It’ll be nice.” ****

Jeno stabs the strawberry with the fork. “Hyuck, I don’t-” ****

“It’s a welcoming party,” Donghyuck whines. Before Jeno has the chance of putting the strawberry into his mouth, Donghyuck grabs his arm. “The principal guest is Dong Sicheng.” A buzzing sound installs into his head. Something tickles inside his chest. “Yep, baby bro is coming too.” ****

The fork falls from his grip. The strawberry lands on the white cloth that covers the table, leaving a stain. Donghyuck smiles. Jeno’s heart beats louder. ****

“You’re still working to get him, right?” Donghyuck frees his arm, feeling the tension in his muscles. Jeno’s lips form a line. “I’m charming, but you haven’t stop thinking about him after all this time. After what?” Donghyuck wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. Tasting his own words. “Four years.” Jeno suppresses the urge to correct him. “Loyal dog,” He laughs rolling his tongue over his teeth. Like wolf tasting the blood of its prey. An old tic. “We are still on our way to raise our empire, but… our plans always change.” He takes the last bite of his own cake. “We have to make things work someway. Wanna come? There’ll be free food.” ****

Donghyuck raises his eyebrow, teasing. The one that has the slit on it. And Jeno convinces himself that not a thing has changed at all, no matter how much time has passed. ****

Lee Donghyuck is a demon. And not just any demon—the dealer of the devil, ready to bargain for his soul.

**•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

The car they’re in at the moment is black. A sedan, but Jeno is sure the case and the windows are bulletproof. ****

Donghyuck is playing with his phone, changing the music on the radio. They’re both sitting at the back, Donghyuck on the right. The most important person always goes on the right. ****

The song he had chosen is a soundtrack. The one of an epic movie. ****

 _We’re going to a battlefield,_ Jeno wants to point out, but he restrains himself. ****

Donghyuck does not seem to be nervous, but Jeno knows he is. Everyone at that party is going to be nervous. ****

A welcoming party for one of the Heads. A welcoming party that was more of an exhibit. Dong Sicheng was diving into a pool infested by sharks. As long as he did not bleed, they will not get his throat. Maybe. ****

Jeno knows the protocols to follow. Donghyuck had explained to him how his _welcoming party_ had been. ****

_“Be a stone. Don’t let them see anything. A crack and you’re done.”_ ****

So, he’s sure he needs to stay glued to Donghyuck just in case. The last time he had been to any of those _meetings_ , he had been fourteen. And he had not been alone. Even more, he had not been the plus one of one of the Heads. Donghyuck is going to be there, but not really. Once they are out of the car, Lee Donghyuck, the boss of the Lee Clan, is going to appear. The man who barely portrays any emotion on his face. The mask will be on him, and Jeno’s sure Donghyuck had many things to worry about but him. ****

Jeno’s eyes land on Donghyuck’s face. Jeno feels his hands sweat, and he is sure there is a small trail of sweat on his back too. Donghyuck’s face is illuminated by the screen of his phone. Jeno is not sure what he’s looking at, but Donghyuck’s tongue is out on the left corner of his mouth, a sign of concentration. He isn’t frowning, more on a hypnotic trance staring at his phone. Jeno does not dare to interrupt the faux calm Donghyuck is distracting himself with, noticing they are only minutes away. ****

Jeno closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The soft beat Donghyuck has chosen helps him put his mind at ease for a couple of minutes. ****

He is entering a wolves’ cave in order to rescue someone from their claws. ****

He cannot let himself be driven by emotions right now. Jeno does not allow himself to do it. ****

The car stops. ****

Jeno opens his eyes, and Donghyuck presses a hand against his chest. His eyes darken as he speaks. ****

“Don’t forget. We came only to see,” Donghyuck warns before someone opens his door for him. No traces of emotion, even in his voice. ****

 _Yes. Okay. Only to see him._ ****

_I’m going to see him._ ****

Jeno smiles, feeling the place where Donghyuck’s hand was throbbing. ****

He leaves the car excited.

**•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

There are criminals laughing while smoking cigars. ****

There are criminals lounging with a cup of liquor in their hands and a gun on their belts. ****

They’re greeting each other as old friends as they plan to take over the other’s property. ****

And then there is an idiot standing on the corner of the room not knowing where to go. ****

That is Jeno. ****

He’s standing next to a decorative plant, hands behind his back and eyes scanning the place. ****

The reunion has taken place in one of those venues where weddings and events are held. It looks like those reunions of syndicates, like someone is going to receive a certain award. Somehow, it seems like that. ****

The place is big enough to host large numbers, but there are no more than sixty people. Just the most important ones of respective clans and their security. No commoners, but him. A thing no one had to know. A big square room. There was a principal long table that faced all the rest, almost back to the wall. The rest of tables were in front of it. Divided in two sides, an empty space in the middle, just right in front of the principal one. ****

Only some people are sitting where they should. Yes, the seats are even arranged by names. The son of the owner of the place is a wedding organizer and thought it will be lovely to have the surnames of criminal gangs printed as illegible calligraphy as decoration. ****

Other people are standing on small groups, talking between themselves, discreetly eyeing others with the corners of their eyes. ****

A thrilling calm. ****

Jeno has been the focus of attention of some of them. ****

The plus one of the man that is aiming to become the Head of the Heads is quite eye-catching. ****

The suit Jeno is wearing covers any tattoo on his body that’ll identify him as part of a certain clan—though has no tattoos, but scars. The scars he has aren’t particularly easy to see from a distance. The only two that aren’t covered by his clothes are the one on his right hand, spreading across his palm to his fingers, and the other on his neck. A horizontal cut close to his jugular. Three centimeters. A client who had not been pleased and decided to put a knife to his neck. If it hadn’t been for Yangyang and Mark, Jeno’s career would have ended that day. ****

But the collar of his dress shirt and the tie he has partially cover the small scar.

So, there’s no trace on his skin that gives away an affiliation to a clan. The slim fit of the suit gives off that he’s not carrying a weapon. His hands are not calloused, and his clean nails are proof that he is not in charge of any physical work. People can only speculate, seeing him come out from the same car as Lee Donghyuck. ****

 _“Stand next to me. Your pretty face needs to be showed off by my side,”_ Donghyuck had joked the moment they had entered the building. He had told him that but disappeared five minutes later, leaving him alone, not knowing where to go. Yangyang had only wiggled his eyebrows and given him a cheeky grin before following his cousin. Jeno had stared at them, frozen on his spot. ****

That had happened an hour ago, and Jeno was starting to feel his heels hurt for standing up for so long without moving. He had contemplated looking up for the table the Lee Clan was supposed to go, but he had not been sure if there is a place for him to sit. He is not a member of the clan. ****

Maybe Donghyuck’s warning to only come and see referred to _I only brought you. You watch. You go back home._ ****

This meeting is not a place for commoners. Even as a friend or an intimate acquaintance of someone, you could not be useless. You have to be someone with a certain ability or capacity to be invited. ****

Not even spouses came. ****

Dong Sicheng’s wife is not in the list of guests of her own husband’s party. ****

It could have been for protection, but Jeno believes it’s mostly because her only trait’s that she’s the daughter of someone important in the West. ****

The few pieces of information Jeno has gathered during the last years. ****

In consequence, Jeno does not want to cause the relationship that Donghyuck had with the older members of his clan who were not happy with him to sore even more. Jeno does not want to cause an uproar against Donghyuck that will be justified as Donghyuck disrespecting a member of his clan because his date had taken said member’s seat on the table. Donghyuck was the Boss of his clan, but it had not been a democratic decision. ****

Jeno remained at a corner, doing what Donghyuck had told him. ****

 _See_ . ****

_Look for him._ ****

There were no familiar faces. Just fake smiles, teeth covered with gold, tattoos, and scars. ****

Jeno figures the dinner’s about to start, noticing the number of people increase, but there is no trace of the one he is looking for. ****

Some bright light illuminates his eyes when he sees an old man with too many sunspots on his bald scalp checking the labels on the tables, looking for his seat.

Jeno’s now sure where the Dong Clan’s members where going to go. He’s sure where the place of the younger brother’s going to be. On the right of the principal guest. ****

Will leaving a note under his plate be enough? ****

Jeno decides to try before Yangyang comes looking for him to tell him to go since there is not a seat for him. ****

Jeno makes his way across the room. ****

His hands are on the inside pocket of his jacket. A pocket right over his heart. His hands are searching for a piece of paper in his wallet to write on when his elbow hits someone. ****

“Sorry. I didn’t…” ****

The eyes of the man are nothing but hostile. It isn’t even eyes; it’s only one eye. ****

Jeno feels chills run through his body. ****

The man has a mustache and his eyebrows are shaved. An ugly irregular scar runs through where his right eye is supposed to be, shaped like a star done by a kid. Jeno only supposed that he’s missing an eye because of the scar and the eye patch he’s using. His skin is toned by the sun, and he and Jeno share the same height. ****

Jeno quickly composes himself, trying not to stare at the patch.

“Sorry. It was my fault,” he says, bowing. ****

Jeno does not raise his eyes, continuing to stare at the discolored tip of the man’s shoes. ****

 _‘A minor clan,’_ Jeno guesses by the lack of fancy. No jewels or flashy colors. Plain black as a mourning dress code. ****

Jeno stays inclined three seconds more before the man groans. ****

Jeno takes that as a sign to move. ****

“Sorry,” Jeno says again, trying to move on, but the man detains him. ****

“Name.” The voice is throaty, as one of an old smoker. ****

Jeno curses in his mind. _Hyuck is going to kill me._ Jeno knows Donghyuck wouldn’t care if Jeno by mistake hit someone lightly with his elbow. However, if Jeno causes trouble, Donghyuck’s for sure going to beat him up. ****

Slowly, he turns, tongue full of apologies that die the moment he meets the other’s eyes. ****

 _Recognition?_ ****

The man of one eye frowns, inspecting Jeno’s face. As if he knows him. ****

“Name,” the man roars, taking a step closer to him, interrupting Jeno’s thoughts. ****

Jeno gulps but does not talk. ****

“Name,” The man insists taking another step closer. Jeno steps back, but the man grabs his arm. ****

 _Fuc-_ ****

“What happened here?” Another low voice, making Jeno turn. ****

A pale man half a head taller than Jeno is standing at their side. His facial features are sharp. His lips are red, eyes piercing. His face could have been considered perfect, but Jeno notices something asymmetric with his eyebrows. Like a part’s hollowed. On the edge of his left one. ****

Another intimidating person. ****

Jeno turns to the one-eyed man, who was grabbing his arm harshly. ****

The newcomer clears his throat, making the man with the eye patch turn to him for the first time. ****

“Did something happen?” ****

Whoever’s the tall pale man, he’s important. The man with one eye releases Jeno after a couple of seconds of internal debate. A frown on his face. Between the both of them a silent discussion had occurred. ****

It did not last more than ten seconds. ****

The one-eyed man does not answer and turns not before glancing Jeno from head to toe and giving him a death glare. ****

Goosebumps. ****

“Did something happen?” The tone is stern and somehow electrifying. ****

Jeno gulps again. ****

Not many interfere on small confrontations between people of criminal gangs. Not many can just stare at someone and make them back down. ****

Jeno focuses on him, trying to recognize the unfamiliar face. ****

He’s young. A couple of years older than Jeno, maybe, and a person of relevance, Jeno assumes. The three most important clans are the Lee Clan, the Oh Clan, and the Ryu Clan. There’s no other young members of the Lee Clan other than Donghyuck and Yangyang, and Jeno’s pretty much acquainted with some of the Lee Clan’s faces to have never seen him. The Oh Clan is the third more important, but they have all have a distinguishable flower pattern tattooed on their left template. Something not so clever when the police looks for them, but the leader is sentimental and old school. ****

The last, the Ryu Clan. The one on the top. But by what Donghyuck had told him, they’re mostly old people, and the new line of succession are still high schoolers. ****

The stranger presses his lips to a line. He’s running out of patience. ****

“I accidentally…” Jeno’s voice was disappearing as he realizes how silly the incident had been. ****

The man’s eyes are everything but friendly. He stands in front of Jeno with his chest broad and his chin high. ****

He enjoys seeing Jeno intimidated. ****

“ _Name._ ” ****

He curses in his mind again. ****

“Jeno.” It’s not him who answers. But it’s from a familiar voice. “ _Jeno?_ ” ****

Kim Doyoung appears from behind the pale man. ****

The breath Jeno releases is one of relief. ****

“ _Hyung._ ” Jeno sounds like a small kid finally seeing his parents after school ends. He restrains himself from jumping into his arms. Doyoung stands in the middle of them, eyeing them both. ****

Doyoung frowns, turning his attention to Jeno. ****

“What are you doing here?” ****

Jeno opens his mouth and closes it. ****

“Do you know him?” The pale man asks, turning to Doyoung. Jeno bites his tongue, trying not to ask the same question about the other. ****

Doyoung hums, not even turning to the man. ****

“It’s Donghyuck, isn’t it?” An accusatory tone. Jeno nods. Doyoung sighs. “That rascal.” ****

“Lee Donghyuck?” Jeno stares at the man, hearing the familiar name. Well, he _is_ well-known. Points to boost Donghyuck’s ego. Doyoung tiptoes as what Jeno assumes is an action to look for Donghyuck in the crowd. ****

“For how long has he left you by yourself?” ****

Jeno gapes, unable to answer as he is interrupted again. ****

“Are you from the Lee Clan?” ****

Again, he couldn’t answer, as Doyoung turns, taking the pale man’s arm. “Where is the Lee Clan supposed to sit?” Doyoung asks, ignoring the questions of the man. ****

Jeno can only see Doyoung’s back, but he’s sure he glares at the man due to the lack of response. The man frowns, rolling his eyes. “There,” he says, pointing at somewhere from behind Jeno. ****

Doyoung turns and orders him, “Wait for him there. Things are going to start soon.” ****

Both Jeno and the man stare at him. ****

“Do I have to escort you there?” Doyoung reprimands. ****

Jeno drops his shoulders and shakes his head. Everything but the wrath of his boss. The eyes of the pale man shines with a glint of jeer at the scene. ****

As Jeno makes his way to the arranged table, he steals a last glance at Doyoung dragging the pale man by his arm, far from where they had been. ****

He does not notice the pale man eyeing him too. ****

He does not notice he forgot to ask why Doyoung is there too.

**  
  
**

**•.°.*.•·•.*.°.•·**

Dong Sicheng came to claim his place as one of the Heads. He is one of the fourteen heads. He is a foreigner from a distant land, partially metaphorically poetically speaking. Jeno remembers a crash course he had received from Johnny many years ago. ****

 _“They are part of an alliance with families from the country because they are suppliers. They decided to make them_ brothers _because they are powerful. Everybody wanted a piece of what they had, but at the same time everyone was afraid of someone else monopolizing the supplies. So, to make things fair for everyone, they became part of an alliance in a foreign country. All of the clans have a share. Same benefits. Same deals. But they are not stupid. They know their power. They fear them, so they made a_ rule _that no one who is not Korean can become the Head of the Heads. Think of them as an honorary member with the same benefits and everything else, except the chance to rule.”_ ****

_“Why don’t they do something about it? You said they’re powerful in their country. Why don’t they take over the alliance? They can govern them.”_ ****

Johnny had laughed and ruffled his hair as Jeno had been helping him wash the car. ****

 _“The Boss knows what he is doing. Has a big plan. For some reason he has not done anything here.”_ ****

_“But what if the other clans gang up and attack? They’re afraid, so they… What if they do something to them?”_ ****

Johnny had stared at his hands and had handed the sponge he was using towards Jeno. ****

 _“They are not alone. They have us..._ ****

_We’ll protect them, right?”_ ****

The network of the Dong Clan has remained clandestine. Even after all these years, Jeno is not sure about their operations. They are a mystery, and maybe that is their charm. ****

After all this time, they have managed to maintain everyone being captivated by them and owing them favors. ****

That is why there are three powerful clans. ****

They do not owe anything to the Dong Clan. ****

 _“The footnotes of their deals tie you for life. You owe them your soul.”_ ****

That had been Donghyuck’s words. ****

One of the few clauses in the relationship he had with Donghyuck is that Jeno should never meddle in the deals with Donghyuck’s family on a level Donghyuck had not requested and to not ask about other clans. ****

A pact of silence between leaders. ****

That explains the lack of information he had managed to get during those years. ****

Jeno doesn’t know where their headquarters are. He had clues and five points on a map with an approximated range of 20 kilometers. ****

The Dong Clan is a mystery everyone wants to figure out. ****

The smiles directed to Dong Sicheng are the proof. They want to have his good graces. ****

His stoic face is still the same. Hiding everything. Jeno considers it to be the reason why he has not aged a day during all those years. No wrinkles, nothing.

He is sitting on the spot Jeno had guessed he will sit. The spot on his right is occupied by someone else. There is no younger brother there. ****

Some member of some clan is giving a certain speech in broken Chinese that Jeno’s ears do not enjoying. The intonations are not right, and it is delaying the delivery of the food. Some of the members on the principal table are trying to suppress their laughs. Jeno cannot recognize anyone but him. ****

Jeno does not know anyone at the table but Dong Sicheng. ****

A pressure on his chest appears. ****

It had been only five years since the last time he had had contact with that clan… but things are different. ****

He had never been a part of it. Always on the edge, but… there used to be faces that he thought he could call family. ****

But, now… there is none. ****

The man giving the discourse mispronounces a word. A curse. The face of everyone on the table contorts in displeasure. Well, except Sicheng’s, who doesn’t move at all. ****

He just blinks. ****

It’s still creepy. ****

“Oh! It had to do with his mother, didn’t it?” Donghyuck shrinks into his seat by Jeno’s side, quite entertained by the scene. Everyone is silent in the room, somehow inferring what had just happened. ****

Surprisingly, there had been a seat reserved for him at the Lee Clan’s table. Yangyang had made a face of disgust when Donghyuck, after hearing Jeno say he thought he was going to be dispatched before dinner, told him that he was a gentleman and was going to send Jeno home with his stomach full. ****

 _“What an awful date I will be if I do so, honey.”_ ****

The enjoyment of displeasing Yangyang. ****

“He told something about his grandfather,” Yangyang announced from the opposite side of the table. Right in front of Donghyuck. As always, his eyes on everything behind the back of his cousin. Protecting him from any danger. ****

Jeno wanted to add that the whole statement was about his grandfather and a chicken, but the silence was interrupted by footsteps. ****

Jeno shivers. ****

The pale man has entered the room. The pale man who had decided to interrupt a while ago. Everyone turns their attention to him. His eyes are fixed on the main table, as if the rest does not exist. Jeno has not seen Doyoung again. His eyes are looking for him, but there is no trace of him. ****

Something hits Jeno in the middle of his chest as he sees someone entering the venue with him. He thinks it’s Doyoung, but no. ****

His breath gets caught in his throat. ****

It is not the pale intimidating man who causes that. It’s the man behind him that does. ****

“ _Yah._ He hasn’t grown an inch since the last time we saw him. So short.” Yangyang snickers at Donghyuck’s remark.

Jeno stops listening. ****

Jeno stops breathing. ****

Huang Renjun enters the room with an expressionless face, and all are eyes on him. ****

 _Fairy._ ****

The same face. A different way of walking. He doesn’t hunch anymore. ****

The same slim body. Different hair color. It’s not dyed. ****

 _Gracious._ ****

The pale man walks in front of Renjun, and Jeno notices a certain stiffness from members at the principal table. Some members of the other clans too. ****

The pale man tilts down to Dong Sicheng’s ear. ****

Everyone holds their breath. ****

Jeno almost hyperventilates. ****

Renjun reaches the table. ****

“Short legs,” Donghyuk singsongs. ****

Renjun stops as the eyes of his brother land on him. ****

Donghyuck hisses by his side. “Don’t you dare.” Jeno feels a strong tug on his arm. Donghyuck holds him, glues him to his chair. No one else had noticed Jeno had almost stood up. Not even Jeno, hypnotized by the scene. ****

Hypnotized by him. ****

The beating of his heart is all he hears. ****

He is only three tables away. ****

Sicheng nods, and Renjun nods in response. Like a domino effect, all the members at the table move. Someone from somewhere makes another chair appear. The members on the right side of Sicheng drag their chairs to the side, and the chair is placed for Renjun to sit. He sits. Next to his brother. The pale man helps Renjun. Then, again. He leans in and whispers something to Sicheng’s ear. ****

If Jeno was paying attention to them, he would have noticed a soft red tint on the ears of the pale man. Sicheng cracks an almost imperceptible smile at the comment. The pale man retracts himself and positions himself to the nearest wall, close to the main table. ****

No one has blinked. ****

Renjun has his eyes unfocused at the empty middle space. It would have appeared as though he’s staring at the man giving the speech. ****

He’s also wearing a suit, fit is a little loose. It seems that his eyelids are a little puffy. ****

Jeno’s hands tremble. ****

“My brother apologizes for his delay,” Dong Sicheng announces. He has an accent. Everyone is quiet. It’s not like someone would dare complain about it out loud. At the lack of response, he eyes the man that was giving the speech. “Done?” His lower tone makes it sound like a threat. ****

“Yes. Yes. I—We brought some entertainment.” ****

The place fills with music, and some traditional dancers arrive a couple of seconds later. ****

Jeno does not pay attention. His vision is only on one person. ****

The music surrounds them, but Jeno only hears radio silence. ****

He is there. ****

Right there. ****

There. ****

Close. ****

The corners of Jeno’s eyes are filled by brilliant colors caused by the costumes of the dancers. Jeno moves his head as one of the dancers obstructs his vision. ****

The dancer turns, and he sees him again. ****

There. ****

After five years, he’s there. ****

Renjun is absently looking at somewhere in front of him. ****

Another dancer obstructs his view. ****

Jeno moves his head again. ****

The dancer keeps spinning. ****

Jeno tilts more. ****

The dancer is gone. ****

But he is there. ****

Right there. ****

Renjun is there, in the same room, stealing glances to his brother by his side. ****

Another dancer appears. ****

Jeno doesn’t have time to move as the dancer goes as fast as she arrived. ****

A beat of his heart is all that it takes for Jeno to reach heaven. ****

Renjun’s eyes are on him. ****

Jeno stops breathing. ****

Everything disappears. ****

Renjun’s eyes are on him. ****

Everything is in slow motion. ****

Renjun blinks. ****

Jeno blinks. ****

He saw him. ****

He is seeing him. ****

A fire in his chest burns everything inside him. ****

Jeno’s hands are sweating. ****

He feels his body tremble. ****

His eyes are on him. ****

Renjun gasps. ****

 _Surprise._ ****

Jeno cannot move at all. If so, he will be smiling. ****

Another dancer covers Renjun. She disappears just three seconds later. ****

Renjun is still looking at him. The small gap between his lips makes him look clueless, adorable. ****

Jeno feels goosebumps on his skin. ****

There. ****

Right there. ****

Jeno opens his mouth. He wants to scream his name. ****

 _Junn–_ ****

A prick on his left leg makes him break the eye contact. ****

Lee Donghyuck’s stabbing his thigh with a fork. It’s under the table, so no one else can see it. Lee Donghyuck pretends to pay attention to the dancers, but his knuckles are white, and his hand trembles, pushing the fork in with more force. ****

A warning. ****

Jeno awakes from his trance. ****

Maybe Donghyuck has made a hole in his pants, he does not care. ****

His eyes look for him again. ****

Renjun is no longer looking at him. ****

He has turned his head to a side. ****

An emotionless expression on his face, as if… nothing had happened. ****

Something sinks in his chest. ****

Breathing is taking too much effort. ****

Donghyuck sinks the fork deeper. Jeno turns to him. He’s still acting as if he’s paying attention to the show. ****

Maybe his leg will bleed, he does not care. ****

Jeno feels someone’s eyes on him. ****

He turns again. ****

The music ends. ****

The dance ends. ****

Dong Sicheng is staring at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moon Tae Il closes the door trying to not make any sound. Only a soft click.
> 
> He tries to not drag his feet as he walks, but he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. He takes a turn. Then another.
> 
> He arrives at his room.
> 
> He takes a deep breath as he opens the door.
> 
> It is dark.
> 
> It is spooky.
> 
> It is dangerous.
> 
> Moon Tae Il is pulled inside his own room by the collar of his shirt. The door is stridently closed. They are alone. His back hits the wall, and his lungs lose all the air in them.  
> “Don’t. Say. A. Word,” he threatens him.
> 
> A soft laugh.
> 
> A little of mockery.
> 
> “Just two.” A gun on his back, ready to be unsheathed. “Sexual. Tension,” Johnny announces.
> 
> Tae Il hits Johnny’s hands that are pushing him with too much strength against the wall, demanding to be released. Johnny apologizes for not having controlled his strength. He helps to straighten the wrinkles on his suit.
> 
> “C’mon. That was the most interesting thing we have seen in years. Show a little interest.”
> 
> Tae Il rolls his eyes and goes to turn on the lights of his room. As he turns again, Johnny is laying on the bed. By how messy the sheets are, he assumes he had been waiting for him for a while. He had a small meeting. Lasted almost an hour.
> 
> Tae Il goes to the wardrobe, looking for a pair of pajamas.
> 
> “Here,” Johnny announces, shaking one in his hand and telling him he got them ready for him. Tae Il hangs his jacket on a hanger and starts unbuttoning his shirt.
> 
> “So,” Johnny drawls the vowel. “Are you seriously going to pretend nothing happened? Really?”
> 
> Tae Il does not have a shirt on him and, as he tries to grab his pajamas, Johnny hides them behind his back.
> 
> “C’mon,” Johnny whines. Tae Il stares at him. Johnny huffs. “You saw it. I know you saw it because I saw it. That was... time stilled.”
> 
> Tae Il wets his lips with the tip of his tongue.
> 
> He sighs.
> 
> “… you said it. I saw. You saw it… Everyone saw it.”
> 
> Johnny freezes.
> 
> Everyone.
> 
> He understands Tae Il did not mean everyone, but one who is everyone.
> 
> He lowers his head and gives Tae Il the pajamas.
> 
> Both are wordless.
> 
> Johnny stands up. Tae Il is right in front of him.
> 
> Johnny tries to say something, but quickly drops it.
> 
> Johnny takes the top of the pajamas and starts putting them on Tae Il.
> 
> Johnny helps him button it up.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> Johnny crouches until his head is resting on Tae Il’s shoulders.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> Tae Il pats his back.
> 
> Silence.
> 
> Tae Il massages his nape with his thumb.
> 
> Silence.


	8. Stage IV – 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.   
> First of all... sorry for not having a fixed schedule for updating. Sorry.  
> Second, I hope you all are okay. Please, please, take care.  
> Here, a warm hug for you all.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hope you like it.
> 
> Thanks, Z.
> 
> And... just a little of promotion of a fic that I liked and feel like sharing [As Things Fall Apart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025534)
> 
> See you... next chapter  
> 🤗

“I swear I’m going to skin you alive if you do something stupid,” Donghyuck warns him for the umpteenth time. If Jeno had a tail, he’d be wagging it. But since he doesn’t, he only nods enthusiastically.

It is a Saturday morning, and they are going to a certain place downtown.

It had been almost two weeks since the welcoming party, and things had been hectic for the alliance, according to Donghyuck. Everyone needed to pay respects to the new Boss. Better to be known as the clan who gives the new boss an expensive gift to woo his heart. Dong Sicheng has been a head for the last five years, but there has never been an official ceremony as the one weeks ago. Rumor has it he’s now going to relocate himself to the country. Which is a big deal, since his father had only made sporadic visits during the years he was in charge. Always leaving someone else to fill his spot. Leaving Renjun there was proof that he  _ cared _ about the Alliance. So, not many complained and were more than happy to have the Dong Boss faraway. Now that the Boss is here, many are fighting for a smile from the cold man.

Lee Donghyuck was not one of them, but he truly did not want to cause gossip about him disrespecting a member. He only has to drop by with a basket of fruits, say hi, and wish him good health. He is not exactly expected to do that, but  _ who the hell gives only a fruit basket and a card with a Chinese proverb as a respectful gift _ ?

That had been the gift they had sent to him months after he was positioned as the Boss. Jeno did not consider it so bad, considering Donghyuck was overwhelmed by the funeral and his ascendance.

A really tricky gift. A congratulatory and mourning gift somehow.

But someone else had given Donghyuck a brand new green car as a gift, so… he had resentment Jeno would consider petty.

None of them ever got the chance to know what the meaning of the message on the card was because Donghyuck translated it with his phone and threw it into a bin after the translation did not make sense. Jeno had only recently passed the intermediate level of his Mandarin class by then, so the meaning had been lost in the trash.

The basket, on the other hand, had been a really big fruit basket with exotic fruits that grow only during winter, but Donghyuck enjoyed liquifying the fruits every morning with a maniac laugh while cursing the Dong Clan.

Jeno had begged—he did really do it—Donghyuck to bring him to that short meeting to meet the Boss of the Dong Clan.

He, unfortunately, could not just knock on their door and request to see Renjun.

The dinner ends in a blink of an eye that Jeno can only remember throwing furtive glances at Renjun from afar—much because Donghyuck was holding a knife close to his kidney, telling him to be subtle.

Renjun never returned the glances, and when the Dong Clan excused themselves too early into the night, he never turned back, covered instead by the back of the pale man he had met earlier that Jeno coult not even catch a last glimpse of him.

He’s sure, deep down, Donghyuck is enjoying being in between him and the love of his life. But Jeno takes Donghyuck’s words seriously. A small mistake and they are done.

“Renjun,” he says. Donghyuck sighs. “He’s the only one I want.”

“Stay away from Sicheng. The dude is creepy and... If he kills you, I’ll kill you for letting him kill you. Got it?”

Jeno smiles and nods. He notices Yangyang staring at them from the front seat.

Yangyang winks at him, hearing their conversation. “Get him, tiger. All for Renjun’s round ass.” The last part is a running joke between the cousins, started after Jeno got drunk and confessed he had been celibate since Renjun went away and swear loyalty to… well…

_ “Bless Renjun’s round ass! The end of Jeno’s dry spell.”  _ had been the statement that Donghyuck had made, emptying half a bottle of beer on the shirt he was using. Which was Mark’s. Mark had been the only sober soul that night, and he had made sure to record it.

Jeno raises an eyebrow and smiles at Yangyang with malice.

He pulls on his seatbelt, freeing himself enough to tilt to the right and resting his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder as the other is busy arranging the plastic covering the fruit basket. He had been busy stealing some grapes and poking the fruit trying to spoil some.

“You still owe a piece of my heart, honey,” Jeno declares, kissing Donghyuck’s cheek.

Jeno laughs, hearing and seeing Yangyang scream and tug his hair at having witnessed the scene.

***.•°•.•°•.***

The Dong Clan owns a seventeen-floor building in one of the most commercial zones of the capital. A new acquisition, according to Donghyuck, that Dong Sicheng had made as soon as he arrived in the city.

A headquarters.

A bakery, a coffee shop, a photographic studio, a restaurant are some of the tenants of the floors. Of course, the higher ones are reserved for the owner.

The façade was of a construction company.

The branch of a Chinese construction company.

They even have a pretty secretary in the lobby.

_ “Lee Donghyuck,” _ Donghyuck had announced to the girl with a wink when they had arrived, shaking the basket that Yangyang had been carrying.

Currently, Jeno sits alone in a second lobby. They have another secretary welcome you once you go out of the elevator. Afterwards, some glass doors open, then you get to another lobby with a gorilla doing the same as the small girl outside, though he asks not for your name but your clan and if you carry any weapons.

_ “The Boss of the Clan Lee and his cousin.” _ Before Yangyang could complain about the title given to him, Donghyuck had dragged him away, mouthing to Jeno a  _ sit there and wait _ . They had then disappeared through the only hall there.

At least there is a sofa in the waiting area. Although Jeno has been sitting there for more than thirty minutes. No one but he and the gorilla are there. No one else had come after them. Jeno assumes Donghyuck had waited to be the last one to visit.

Jeno yawns, taking his phone out of his pocket. He uses a suit on his free days too, a trait from his professional life because Doyoung always scolds him about always being ready to meet your worst enemy wearing polished moccasins. Jungwoo had explained that Doyoung had once been found by a high ranked politician with bunny slippers on at the market once, and it had traumatized him.

He types a message and sends it to Donghyuck, knowing he isn’t going to get a reply.

**(** **っ** **⇀** **⑃** **↼)** **っ B O R E D**

His eyes trail down to the only path that someone could come from or go through. A lonely hall connecting the waiting area with the presence of the Dong Clan.

There’s a certain fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

This is the closest he has been to Renjun in so long. He knows that the chance that Renjun is there is minimal, but… something is something. He is not sure what he wants to get being here, but at least he is trying. He could try now. He had been planning to sneak into the place, but the gorilla had stopped him.

He has nothing but memories of the last years.

He had lost his phone. There isn’t even a picture for him to hold on to.

His finger hovers over a name.

**_Junnie ❤️_ **

He had saved his contact years ago, and during the first two years he had kept dialing the number at least once a day, waiting for him to pick up. There was no response.

Then, by himself, he decided to stop trying. He has only been sending messages on his birthday, on New Year’s Eve, and on really rough days for the last two years.

Now… he debates with himself if there is a chance of him picking up. He has been spending his nights thinking about it until he falls asleep during the last weeks.

The last time he had seen Renjun five years ago, Renjun had been hugging him in his arms. Renjun had been crying, probably asking him not to die. Two weeks ago, Renjun’s face was of surprise at seeing him. Of course, Renjun could not have tried to approach Jeno with his brother so close. Not in front of everybody. Jeno understands that never in a million years would Renjun leave him like that. Without anything and alone. Jeno is sure it was all his family’s doing. Renjun loved him. No. Renjun loves him. Jeno is sure Renjun loves him, and everything that had happened had been for a reason. That Renjun had not contacted him during all those years was because of his family. Renjun had been keeping his promise after all.

_ “I won’t let them do anything to you. You don’t have to worry.” _

It has been five years, but Jeno does not mind at all.

It was not Renjun’s fault they had to part.

It was the Dong Clan’s fault that they had been separated.

Jeno is only a distraction for Renjun, according to them. Jeno knows Renjun’s father had stopped seeing the relationship they had with favorable eyes as they grew older. Every clan wants to be remembered forever. To last until the last of times. It is only achievable with heirs and a continuous lineage. Jeno could not bear a child for Renjun, so even that small incident years ago had been an excuse to get rid of him.

Now, Renjun is there. So close.

Jeno is not going to let him go without a fight.

“ _ We’re going to run away. We’ll go far from all of this.” _

Renjun’s words from years ago are the root of Jeno’s plan. He’s going to–

“… for the next month. You know how he becomes.” Jeno almost drops his phone.

He recognizes that voice.

The glass doors open, and the gorilla greets someone.

Jeno is not sure if he should hide behind the sofa or stand up and greet him too.

He does not have a chance to choose, as Moon Tae Il stops on his tracks right in front of him. A coffee table in front of the sofa separates them, physically.

Jeno stands up immediately. “Mr. Moon.” He greets automatically.

Mr. Moon stares at him. As if he had seen a ghost. Jeno is a ghost. He presses his lips and does not blink, seeing Jeno.

A wave of emotions engulfs Jeno. In a certain way, Mr. Moon had been the man that had seen him grow. That somehow raised him. Him and… Johnny. The closest resemblances to paternal figures.

Mr. Moon looks older, but at the same time it’s like five years had no effect on him. It is weird. It is familiar.

Jeno did not have the chance to say goodbye years ago.

They were stripped out of his life so abruptly. But Jeno reminded himself that it was not like they had to be there for him. They were there only because of Renjun.

Jeno had always been a plus one all his life.

The sourness of those thoughts makes Jeno drop his eyes to the floor and bow.

In other circumstances, he would have hugged him. He wants to do so.

Jeno laughs at the thought. Mr. Moon is somehow terrifying, but… he is Mr. Moon.

_ Hi! It’s been so long. I’m glad that you are well. It’s been so long. Many things had happened. I graduated with the highest marks in my class. Again. I promised you I will do it like that. I got a job, too. According to my boss, I will become a renowned lawyer. I haven’t been the most honest, I must admit. But I know you will tell me that what I did was what I needed to do. I have been saving for a house, as you told me I should start doing so as soon as I earned my own money. I haven’t been arrested yet. No, no. I won’t get arrested—never, as I promised you when I was a child. Nothing illegal. A white collar job. Yes, bad joke. I just… I have been working hard this few years. I’ve done it… by myself. Me. Alone. These are few, small things, but it’s something. There should be more, but… I’ll keep working harder. I will do it, Mr. Moon. Is… that good? Are–Are you proud? Are you proud of me? _

Jeno’s heart beats fast. He’s a little scared at the same time.

“I never thought I’ll see you ever again.” He still has a heavy accent. Mr. Moon is escorted by a taller man. He is standing behind Mr. Moon. No, it is not Johnny.

Jeno had not missed his eternal burning glare.

Hendery.

Jeno’s muscles tense.

There is another man behind Hendery who Jeno sees for the first time in his life. The man is shorter than Hendery but a little taller than Mr. Moon. His eyebrows are two fine lines, and he has a piercing on his right ear. He eyes Jeno with some curiosity.

Mr. Moon is wearing a suit as always, while Hendery has a pair of dress pants, a dress shirt, and a vest. The stranger is wearing jeans and a leather jacket.

Hendery huffs. “ _ Huh.  _ I can’t believe you’re alive.”

Jeno’s heart constricts. Hostile as always.

_ Neither do I. _

Jeno clenches his fist as a way to relieve stress. Hendery is cracking a small mocking smile, then his features distort into anger.

“I should have disposed of you when I got the chance.” He spits the words as his nostrils flare.

_ He knows. _

Jeno, on automatic, stares at Mr. Moon.

_ He knows, too. _

The way he is looking at him tells Jeno that.

Jeno feels a tickling sensation.

_ Guilt _ .

“You’re nothing but an ungrateful bastard who took advantage of us. You played with him and almost killed him. How the hell did you come here? Answer me you piece of–” Mr. Moon puts a hand on Hendery’s chest, stopping him from jumping on Jeno. Jeno understands every foreign word from him.

“Go,” Mr. Moon instructs him. Hendery stops staring at Jeno and frowns at the instruction, confused. “Go.”

In that moment, Jeno notices how Hendery and the other man are carrying boxes. They are closed, and Jeno has no clue what could possibly be inside. Mr. Moon has a clipboard on his hands that he hands to Hendery.

Hendery does as he is told, not without glaring at Jeno a last time.

The other man grins a mischievous smile at his direction, quickly following Hendery.

“Come with me.”

Jeno drops his head as Mr. Moon leads the way.

***.•°•.•°•.***

They are in an empty office. One of the meeting rooms. The smell of paint still lingers in the air. There is not a wall but an enormous window that surrounds the room. Mr. Moon has his hands inside the pockets of his pants, watching the surroundings of the building.

Quite a unique view from a seventeenth floor.

“How have you been?”

Jeno is taken by surprise with that question. “G-Good.” His voice cracks, and he tries to clear his throat. “Good, Mr. Moon.”

Mr. Moon does not react at all. His eyes are on an adjacent building, seemingly reading an ad for a hair salon. Jeno doubts he can read it since he does not have his glasses on.

Mr. Moon hums. “How have you been, Jeno?” he repeats, this time with eyes on him.

Jeno trembles.

He does not answer.

Mr. Moon appears to be reading his soul with just a glance.

“Because if you were good, you would not be here.”

“I-I didn’t come to ask for anything,” Jeno stutters as he used to do as a child caught sneaking in the middle of the night into Renjun’s room. Somehow, this seems to be like that, “It’s not like that. I came with Donghyuck.”

Not the smartest response.

“Lee Donghyuck. The Boss of the Lee Clan.” Jeno feels each word as a slap to his face “You came with him.” Jeno holds his breath. “You are with him.”

No questions. 

Affirmations that carry enough significance for Jeno to be condemned of death.

Jeno knows Mr. Moon does not need an answer.

Jeno imagines Mr. Moon calling him a traitor seconds before shooting him straight through the middle of his head.

But Mr. Moon does not do it.

He rubs his eyes with his thumb and index.

Something he has always done to relieve stress. He has done it multiple times while reading Renjun’s report cards.

“You, kid. Why?” Mr. Moon reprimands him.

A mixture of tiredness and disappointment in his voice.

Jeno feels worse than being shot.

“Him? That demon? Lee Donghyuck? Do you know how many people want him dead? What he had done to become the Boss? Do you know how many would kill you just by being near him?” Jeno’s legs are barely supporting him. As though it is like every time he had gotten scolded by Mr. Moon. His right ear throbs, feeling as if Mr. Moon is moments away from tugging it. He does not do that, too. “He is a kid who is playing with fire. He’s not ready and… he is going to drag you with him in his fall.” There is silence between them, and Jeno keeps his eyes on the floor. He feels that he has no right to look him in the eye. Mr. Moon waits for a response, but… Jeno does not dare to talk. “You got your chance to be free from this. And you are still here. Here with one of the most dangerous people in this country. What were you thinking?” Disbelief, a little anger. Jeno feels small. He would rather be punched, not this. “You are capable of many things, Jeno. You’re a good boy. Why are you staining your hands with dirt?” He does not raise his voice, but they reach to the deepest of Jeno’s core.

The scar on the right side of his abdomen throbs.

It is impossible for it to pain him after all those years, but Jeno can still feel the burning cold sensation of the blade in him.

It is his mind playing tricks.

“Jeno… why?”

Jeno takes a deep breath and gains a little courage. Just a little. “It was the only way.”

Mr. Moon releases a sour laugh.

“The only way. The only for what? To die? You almost did it, years ago. Remember?”

Jeno feels something burn his throat. His hands tremble. The first time in years, he recalls the memory.

His head is starting to ache again.

Jeno’s chest rises and falls quickly.

Mr. Moon exhales the air in his lungs. He takes a step closer to Jeno. Jeno restrains himself from backing away.

“There is nothing bounding you to this word. You are not part of this. You… never were.”

An addition.

An unpleasant sensation runs all over his body.

He puts his hand on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno shrivels at the action.

“What did you want to get from this? Jeno, you could have walked away from all of this and have a normal life.” Jeno’s heart skips a beat.  _ Those words…  _ “You could have forgotten about this life. You know well what we get from this. Death. That’s the only way we go. You don’t deserve that”

_ I do. _

“There are many things out there, far from this. Something safe. There is nothing worthy in this kind of world. There is no glory. There is no happiness. There is nothing. There is nothing waiting for you here but remorse.”

A glint of pain blemishes the round and bright eyes of Mr. Moon. As he blinks, the emotion is buried again.

“Jeno. Why? Why are you still here?” Jeno wants to tell him the truth, but… he restrains himself. Something inside him tells him it will not be the best idea to say it outloud.

Jeno doesn’t want to jinx it. And Jeno remembers who the Boss is.

An enemy.

Mr. Moon works for the enemy.

“I- I want something. I need something.”

“There is nothing in this world for you. The price that you have to pay is your life. Are you willing to give your life for that? Is it worth it?”

“Yes.” The answer slips from his mouth before he could register it.

Mr. Moon drops his hand from his shoulder. His jaw is clenched, clearly furious.

“And what is that?”

And as a divine response, Jeno’s phone vibrates.

Jeno takes a step back. Far from Mr. Moon. He is sure he had only caught Donghyuck’s name on the screen.

_ Bathroom. _

It is all that it reads.

“You are going to repent from what you are doing, Jeno.”

He bows at Mr. Moon as a farewell. “Thank you.”

Those are the only words that Jeno gives to him.

He means them from the bottom of his heart.

***.•°•.•°•.***

Jeno is rushing to the place.

He is glad there are signs there guiding him to where the bathroom is.

He knows the way is correct because he stumbles into Donghyuck in the middle of the hall.

“I need to find Yangyang.” Donghyuck’s already nasal voice is even more nasal since he is pinching his nose, preventing it from bleeding. 

Someone had punched Lee Donghyuck.

His eyes are glassy, and there are traces of blood on his shirt and his lips.

“Whe-”

Donghyuck interrupts him pointing to his back. “His temper is as shitty as always. Good luck,” Donghyuck announces taking out his phone, dialing Yangyang’s number with a hand still holding his nose. Donghyuck, head leaned back, disappears into the same path Jeno had arrived. Jeno goes to where Donghyuck had emerged from.

Priorities.

Jeno’s heart beats fast.

The tremor in his hands does not get better.

He leaves his mind empty.

Jeno sees the door of the bathroom and pushes it open.

His world stills.

After all this time, finally.

Renjun is there.

A really anticlimactic scenario, but who cares.

Huang Renjun is standing with his head low in front of the mirror of the bathroom. The water is running in front of him as he has his hand under the stream. Probably trying to bring down the swelling of his knuckles. The reason for Donghyuck's bleeding nose. His lips are curled, and there is certain redness in his face. His nostrils are even flaring.

He is pissed.

It’s cute.

Huang Renjun looks a little older, or still the same. Jeno’s not sure.

He blinks at him as if he will disintegrate, as if he is an illusion.

It feels like a dream.

Jeno is not sure if his heart had always beaten that fast with him so close. His heart always beats fast when he remembers him, but… now he is there.

“Ju-Jun?” Jeno’s voice cracks again.

Renjun did not hear him enter, he knows, because he flinches in surprise. Maybe too lost in his thoughts to hear the door closing.

His eyes focus on him.

Jeno beams.

There is something different, Jeno recognizes. He’s not sure what it is, but there is something different. He is still short, though. Or maybe it is Jeno who had grown. Jeno does not care about the answer.

Renjun is surprised.

His eyes open wide, his mouth gasping.

Just like a couple weeks ago.

Jeno, this time, manages to smile.

_ Jun. Junnie. My Injunnie. _

All for this moment.

All for this.

The tap Renjun had been using turns itself off automatically, breaking the spell around them.

Renjun’s frown reappears. As if he had noticed a plan.

Jeno takes a step closer.

Then another.

His arms open to receive Renjun in his arms.

It does not happen.

Jeno had many things planned for this moment.

Five years of longing. Five years of working hard.

He never expected it to happen inside a bathroom, nor that he would grab Renjun forcefully into his arms. He could not control himself.

Renjun’s lips are chapped, and the scent of coffee is in his breath.

A kiss.

His eyes are still open even after Jeno kisses him. A small peck on his lips.

Renjun stands there, frozen. His eyes are big, and there are freckles Jeno cannot recognize. 

But, he still fits inside Jeno’s arms.

Jeno smiles at Renjun looking at him in awe.

He closes the distance again with another small kiss.

Renjun’s eyes are still open.

Something is strange.

Renjun does not respond but also does not push him away.

Jeno tries again. And again.

Short small kisses on his lips.

Jeno cups his face in his hands, now he is the one sulking and in awe.

“Renjun?”

His name tastes so sweet in his lips. Renjun blinks at him. Again, lost in thought.

“Renjun?” Jeno calls again resting his forehead against his.

The bitter scent of coffee is somehow unpleasant.

Since when did breathing become so difficult with Renjun so close?

Jeno tries again.

He leaves his lips on his for a couple of seconds more.

His lips are chapped and rough.

A feeling takes hold of him as he feels that he’s only forcing the kiss. Jeno tries to push the idea away.

Renjun moves slightly.

Jeno panics.

Jeno pulls Renjun closer to him and bites his lower lip.

Jeno is trembling.

Renjun opens his mouth, moaning in pain, but Jeno takes advantage of it and pushes his tongue inside.

Renjun remains immobile for a couple of seconds. And, then… he finally closes his eyes.

Jeno smiles between the kisses. Renjun is kissing him back. Jeno groans, feeling Renjun’s teeth sink into his lower lip. He mirrors the action, making Renjun moan again.

Jeno can feel the tears wanting to fall from his eyes.

Their teeth clank against each other.

Jeno moans now.

Jeno pushes Renjun against the door of one of the bathroom stalls.

Jeno is panting.

It is… different.

Jeno is desperate.

Jeno wants more.

His hand that had been cupping Renjun’s face also goes to his waist.

It is still petite.

Jeno shoves him against the door, trying to look for some stability, for something for Renjun’s body to be pushed against.

Renjun moans again. This time in discomfort. Something metallic had resounded against the door.

Before Jeno can ask, something vibrates.

Renjun’s phone.

Jeno pretends he had not heard the buzzing as he tries to kiss him again, seeking his lips.

Jeno does not reach his lips.

Renjun turns his face, making Jeno’s lips land on his ear.

Jeno does not manage to say a thing as his lungs loses all the air in it after Renjun pushes him, shoving him to the floor.

Renjun had pushed him hard, far away from him.

Jeno stares at him.

Renjun stares back.

His lips are red, and his face is red, too. His fists are clenched, and his eyes are cold.

He is way more than pissed.

Jeno has difficulty breathing, and it’s not caused by the punch to his chest. It is… Renjun.

The way Renjun is glaring at him. The way he can feel something burning between them.

Something is broken there.

_ Did you… Did you lie to me? Did you–? _

The last moments he had with Renjun years ago assault him.

He is no longer on the seventeenth floor of a building. He is on the cold floor of a container, moments away from being stabbed by his own mother. Renjun standing in front of him with tears in his eyes, hurt. A gun between them. Jeno closes his eyes, trying to dissipate those memories. When he opens them again, he is once again in the bathroom on the seventeenth floor, but it is the same as in the container years back.

The exact same way. A gun between them. Renjun pointing the gun at him. Renjun had pulled a gun from his back. This time, Renjun is not crying, not even trembling.

_ No. _

_ No. _

Jeno stretches his hand, trying to touch him, but Renjun slaps his hand away. He did it with the muzzle of the gun.

_ This is real. _

Renjun is aiming at Jeno, again.

It feels like that day over again. But his mother is not here. There is no a corpse. There are no people outside, shooting. There is only him. There is only Renjun there. There is…

“J-Jun?” Jeno’s voice cracks once more. The response is a click on the gun. It is loaded now.

He is going to shoot.

Renjun is going to shoot.

Renjun is going to shoot him.

_ I don’t understand the things about your family, but… I’m not afraid of you. _ He recalls what he had said as his eyes fix on Renjun’s finger twitching above the trigger.  _ I don’t want any other friend. I want only you. _

Jeno does not remember fearing for his life the last time they had been in the same position, but now… Renjun is not hesitant.

Jeno is scared, because he understands. He is afraid Renjun will shoot him.

Something… had been lost.

Renjun’s phone continues to vibrate in his pants.

He does not lower the gun as he picks up the call.

“Talk,” Renjun demands from the person on the other side of the phone.

The tone on his voice has not changed, but Jeno feels like he cannot recognize it anymore.

It is not Renjun who’s in front of him.

It is not Renjun who he had kissed.

It is not Renjun who’s aiming at his head with a gun.

Renjun sighs. He closes his eyes, and the gun tilts just a bit. His knuckles are still white from his tight grip.

“Yeah. I’m coming.”

Without sparing him a second glance, Renjun holsters the weapon back. Jeno remains on the floor as Renjun walks away.

Renjun leaves him there on the cold floor.

He… had lost him.

He has lost him.

***.•°•.•°•.***

He is on autopilot.

Jeno has not moved from the couch since he had arrived. Hours ago.

He stares at the ceiling, and the only light in the place is the one coming from the windows. The artificial light of the streetlamps. He had not drawn the curtains yet, and it is already the middle of the night.

There is silence.

There is emptiness.

It had never been so difficult for him to breathe.

His lips have been sealed all day. His fingers are cold. His head has been hurting for hours now. His stomach is empty.

_ There is nothing in this world for you. _

The events of the morning are fragments of glass that pierce his soul as he remembers them.

_ There is nothing waiting for you here but remorse. _

Mr. Moon’s words are starting to make sense.

They should not.

Jeno’s chest falls and rises quickly.

The back of his eyes start to burn.

The pain on his head is growing and painful.

He needs to breathe.

He needs to breathe.

He–

There is a light coming from the floor.

His phone vibrates from somewhere, discarded there.

It is an incoming call.

Doyoung.

Jeno picks the call without being sure that he can talk. There is no need.

“I need you for something… big.” That’s the only thing Doyoung announces, not waiting for a response before hanging up.

Jeno feels a tear drop from the corner of his eyes.

“Okay,” he answers to Doyoung’s untold request to a dead line.

With that small word, his voice breaks.

The last breath of oxygen leaves him.

He is suffocating.

He starts crying.

He does not stop crying.

The world keeps spinning.

Jeno’s world has stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He knows something is wrong. He knows it, but he indulges himself, enjoying that moment of borrowed happiness.
> 
> Filling his stomach with fast food in the middle of the night tastes even better as Johnny watches Tae Il stuff French fries he had dipped into the chocolate shake minutes prior into his mouth.
> 
> Johnny had found it disgusting the first and second times he had seen Tae Il chugging up such a beverage. Now, he orders extra fries for Tae Il.
> 
> It might be comical for the other patrons to see two men in their forties who seem to work in an office eating in a shady and probably unsanitary cheap restaurant in the middle of the night. One of them gulping down a chocolate drink with fries on it, while the other devours two burgers and a liter of cola directly from the bottle.
> 
> A groan of satisfaction leaves Tae Il’s lips as he throws his head back.
> 
> “That was good,” he announces. Johnny chuckles as Tae Il unconsciously starts patting a pointed and round belly.
> 
> Johnny takes the last bite of his food and finishes the bottle of cola in two gulps.
> 
> A couple leaves the establishment with a take-out, and now it is only Tae Il and him in the restaurant. The owner is behind the cash register, finishing his cigarette.
> 
> Johnny is cleaning the corners of his mouth with a napkin when Tae Il starts tapping his fingers on the table.
> 
> A tic of his when he is thinking about something.
> 
> The tapping is not bothersome. It is melodic.
> 
> 3 then 1 then 3 again. 2 and 2.
> 
> “What if…” The words dance in the air.
> 
> “What if?” Johnny asks. Tae Il is staring blankly at the table. His eyes are open wide, and it is kind of comical. As if he is in a trance.
> 
> A tingling in his guts is telling Johnny that the train of thought that Tae Il is preoccupied with at the moment has to do with the abrupt invitation to eat from Tae Il.
> 
> They had not seen each other the whole day, and as soon as Johnny had reached his room, Tae Il had asked him to go out with him.
> 
> “Kinda hungry. That’s all. Want to go with me?”
> 
> Tae Il is the kind of man who had a list of transgenics-free diets glued to the fridge, so…  
> A short escape for them.
> 
> “What? What if… what?” Johnny inquired again.
> 
> Tae Il blinks, cracking a small smile.
> 
> “Nothing.” He shakes his head. “I got it.”
> 
> His eyes shine, looking at Johnny.
> 
> “Got what?”
> 
> Tae Il stands up. Johnny pouts, confused. “That I have you here”
> 
> “Oh, gosh. Are you flirting with me? ‘Cause my heart just skipped a beat. Wow, that was–”
> 
> Tae Il does not wait for him to end his sentence. He is already at the door.
> 
> Johnny chuckles again. He stands up, and the owner is already picking up the used dishes. Johnny thanks him for the food and turns to the exit.
> 
> What if our lives were different?
> 
> What if we had chosen other paths?
> 
> What if we hadn’t committed those mistakes?
> 
> What if…
> 
> No. I got to meet you.
> 
> “I’m getting old here,” Tae Il whines, holding the door, waiting for Johnny to come.
> 
> Johnny rushes to his side.


	9. Stage IV – 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I'm terribly sorry (I feel worst since I got... lost for so long).  
> Those times are rough times and... well...  
> I really hope you all are okay. Please, please, please take care.
> 
> This isn't beta-ed because... someone (me) wanted to end all of the story beforehand and... I just got this... in months... and I'm still struggling with the rest... sorry
> 
> Thank you for waiting for this and for still reading this.  
> Thank you, Z... 
> 
> Here, a warm hug for you all. And a thigh hug also to make up for all of this time away.
> 
> I only assure you that I won't ever drop this... It's just difficult sometimes. But I will end this.  
> I truly planned to update having all, ALL, but... I thought that maybe someone will miss this and... it's been truly a while.
> 
> Thank you, really.  
> Take care  
> 🤗
> 
> -Just be aware of the tags. A friendly reminder-

Jeno is poking with his fork the half-eaten piece of chicken on his plate. It is not that it tastes bad, but Jeno is not hungry.

“ _ Ya.  _ He’s depressing me” Yangyang howls at his side as a complaint. Jeno scrunches his nose at the interruption of his thoughts.

Donghyuck snickers before sipping the orange soda from his mug.

Jeno rolls his eyes as Yangyang starts whining again.

They are in Donghyuck's apartment. It is his apartment but Jeno had been a tenant for the last few years. Not a tenant per se considering that he had never had to pay rent nor any amenity. Jeno did not even need to buy groceries because whenever Donghyuck decided to “borrow” the kitchen -which was two or three times per week- he ended stocking the shelves. From time to time when things were not doing well out there, it became Donghyuck’s hideout. For some reason, most of those times in which the Boss of the Lee Clan stayed there, Jeno ended sleeping on the floor of his own room while Donghyuck used his bed.

_ “I’m a guest here. Be nice to me” _

They slept in the same room although there was an empty room and an empty bed in the next room. Donghyuck only once stated -because Jeno had only asked once- that it was because there was no fun on sleepovers if friends don’t keep talking until they fall asleep. Jeno indulged Donghyuck by lending him his bed, keeping him company and avoiding mentioning that although the free room had been Mark’s, Donghyuck should not be afraid to enter it.

“For  _ fuck _ ’s sake”

“Yang” Donghyuck called out the bad word.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck frowned and hit the leg of his cousin who had been resting on lap.

“Stop fighting with Jeno” Yangyang gagged as a response to the offense that his cousin was taking Jeno’s side. Jeno was going to stick out his tongue as a mockery but Yangyang’s tense shoulders made him stop.

“It’s not him” Yangyang groaned as he stood up. The phone on his hands was vibrating with incoming messages one after another.

“What happened?” Jeno holds his breath. Any trace of Lee Donghyuck on his free day wearing oversized printed sweatpants on a Tuesday morning were erased in seconds. Yangyang cursed again but this time Donghyuck called him out for the lack of information provided.

“Something with the port. Seems that someone rearranged a date”

“Someone did what?” His stern tone and piercing glare sent a cold breeze towards Jeno.

“I’ll fix this in a minute,” Yangyang answered immediately, putting the phone on his ear. He turned on his heels leaving them alone in the kitchen.

Jeno did not dare to move. And, as if he had not been discussing some kind of illegal operation worth thousands of dollars, Donghyuck asked Jeno to pass him a sachet of ketchup. Donghyuck took a big bite of a chicken drumstick and kept munching on it.

_ “He is a kid that is playing with fire. He was not ready and… he is going to drag you on his fall” _

“What?” Donghyuck asked with his mouth full.

Jeno lowered the plastic fork on the table as Donghyuck gulped down the chicken.

“You sure is… nothing?”

“It is never nothing,” Donghyuck assured him, dropping the bone of the chicken on his plate.

“But you… aren’t doing… anything”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows as a way to show surprise of his words. He rolls his tongue over his teeth. That tic of the wolf tasting the blood of its prey. His eyes are fixed on Jeno.

“Are you gonna make some suggestions on how I should do my job?”

Jeno cursed internally. That was what he needed to make his week worse. Piss off Lee Donghyuck.

“No” His voice was strengthened. Donghyuck remained quiet for a couple of seconds scrutinizing him. As if in any moment, he will discover what was on Jeno’s mind.

Donghyuck always considered that his moment of ascendance to the power was going to be when he would be close to his mid-thirties having gained by his own methods the respect and title of  _ Boss _ . However, things abruptly took another direction when Donghyuck’s father was assassinated. Until that day, years later, there was no culprit. And for some reason, the Lee Clan have never addressed a revenge or executed any action about it.

_ “What he had done to become the Boss?” _

There was a rumor. A really big rumor in which it was said that Donghyuck’s hands were bathed with the blood on his own father.

_ “I want my own power. My own empire” _

Donghyuck rested his chin on his right hand. He crossed his legs and gave Jeno the sweetest smile.

“What’s on your mind, Jeno?” Donghyuck batted his eyelashes tilting close to him “What should I do for you to share your secrets with me?”

“I was told that I have given you my soul”  _ My freedom. My chance to… be normal.  _ Donghyuck cooed.

“Did someone have to remember you?” Jeno displayed a grin.

A demon.

Jeno bit his lower lip. It was entertaining “I think it made me notice I was swindled” Donghyuck snorted.

“Sorry, _honey_. Don’t take backs” Jeno took his mug, in which Doyoung’s face was printed with the legend of _‘If Kim got your back, no one else can get you’._ It was a publicity advertisement that Jungwoo had thought was innovative. It was not and Jeno was the owner of the last three surviving mugs that Doyoung had not destroyed. Jeno raised the mug and made a small toast for his fortune being held in Donghyuck's hands.

Jeno had already lost his mind the moment he decided to not kick out Donghyuck out of his room those years ago after listening to his offer for a job. Jeno had nothing left. He had been desperate. Now, thanks to Donghyuck, he was still carrying on.

_ ‘He’s going to drag me on his fall, but at least he’ll cushion the fall’ _

Jeno smiled.

Yes, he had already lost his mind.

“This is because Renjun. Isn’t it?” Jeno almost choked on the orange soda.  _ Almost _ . As he laid the cup back on the table, Donghyuck sighed. “You fool. Don’t worry. I gave you my word that you will get the shorty” Jeno bit his lower lip again, but this time stopping the bitter smile that wanted to appear “Even if it is necessary, I myself will bring Renjun to you on a silver tray. Okay? Don’t be sad”

Jeno can’t stop the soft laugh that leaves his mouth.

Donghyuck’s melodious laugh harmonized his.

Yes, Donghyuck’s demon presence had been a blessing during those years.

Yes, who would have believed it?

“What-” Jeno turned his attention to Donghyuck, who had interrupted himself.

Donghyuck’s eyes… were soft. Jeno is not sure if it was a trick of the light but Donghyuck’s eyes seemed to have sparks on them seeing him from the other side of the table “What you and him had was good” Jeno squints his eyes not sure if he had misheard the words. Donghyuck clears his throat and takes another sip from his mug “He didn’t need to hide anything from you” He murmurs.

Mark Lee had been once the one nursing Jeno’s broken heart. Now, it was Jeno, the one nursing a heart that Mark Lee had broken.

Jeno contemplates what Donghyuck said. It had never been that Renjun had to fake his origins. He always knew what it meant to be with Renjun.

Danger. Pain. Blood.

Mark ran away the moment Donghyuck opened his Pandora’s Box. He had been scared of all of that… evilness. Although Jeno has never said it to Donghyuck, Jeno understands the decision of Mark.

Mr. Moon was right when he said that in that kind of world there was nothing waiting for you. It was a one-way path to death. Jeno knew it, but Renjun was on that path. And, he did not mind the end as long as Renjun was by his side.

Mark had a common life. He did not have to worry about being killed just because someone considered you as an obstacle as Donghyuck had been doing since forever.

Mark was normal. Donghyuck never comprehended normality.

Renjun wanted to be normal. Jeno understood it a little too late.

“Things are not as you think. I was the one who had secrets”

“Everyone has secrets. That’s the spice of life” Jeno shakes his head.

_ No _ . Jeno had never told Donghyuck about his mother and her plans of revenge. Donghyuck only speculated about his scars but dropped the topic years ago.

There is a feeling of tension in the air. For different reasons for Donghyuck and for Jeno.

“But after all… you did everything because you loved him” Donghyuck states staring blankly at the half emptied plate that Yangyang had left. He clears his throat “You had secrets because you loved him, right?” The eyes with which he is looking at him as he ends to pronounce the question resembles the ones of a child looking for comfort. Simple as that.

_ You lied in order to protect him, right? _

_ You hid him the truth because you knew he won’t be able to handle it, right? _

_ You didn’t do wrong, right? _

In some way, those questions apply for them both.

_ You weren’t asked to kill Mark, Hyuck. _

_ You weren’t asked to use his own feelings against him. _

_ You weren’t me. _

_ You aren’t me, Hyuck. _

_ You are excused. _

“Haven’t you heard that all’s fair in love and war?” Jeno jokes feeling a burning hole in the middle of the chest. He drops his head back justifying it as an action to bottom up the orange soda and not to stop the tears that want to fall from his eyes.

Donghyuck snickers.

“You are _so_ lame” The magic of the touching moment ends. But Jeno is sure he had given some comfort to Donghyuck. “Bet you whispered  _ I love you _ in his ear when you were doing it.”

When Yangyang comes back to the kitchen he finds a red-face Jeno choking and a maniacally-laughing Donghyuck rolling on the floor.

*.•°•.•°•.*

“For whom did that old lady take me?  _ Ha _ , the sausages are from today my ass. They were as wrinkled as her face” Jungwoo whines at Doyoung as the former only hums in agreement turning on the engine of the car. Jeno still feels the bubbling sensation of embarrassment caused by Jungwoo fighting with a lady in her sixties. He had to hold back Jungwoo from jumping on the old lady who had thrown him a ladle.

They had gone into a rest stop only after half an hour on their trip. Doyoung decided to indulge Jungwoo with food there since he had been complaining about not having taken breakfast yet. It was around 2 pm the moment they picked him up. And since Jungwoo made a fuzz, not even starting the trip yet, because Jeno had taken the front seat, Doyoung decided to appease his bad humor with greasy food.

A happy Jungwoo made Doyoung and Jeno happy.

They leave the rest stop as Jungwoo starts playing with the radio of the car. He stops on a trot station.

Doyoung remains unperturbed as Jungwoo starts singing with his whole heart the chorus of the song. Jeno, on the back seat, used to such scene, puts on the neon pink neck pillow that Jungwoo had brought and gets comfortable ready to re-read the paperwork Doyoung had made him collect during the whole week.

A yawn escapes his mouth, quite tired only after five minutes reading those papers. It had been a couple of busy weeks with extra hours. They had to get everything ready for the new client.

The only details that Jeno had been given was to gather a lot of information about real estate from the public register. Jeno just did as he was told.

_ “Not even a soul needs to know we are looking up for these” _

It had been Doyoung’s instruction.

It was not the first time Doyoung had given him only scare pieces of information before starting to work into something. It was not also the first time Doyoung had called him telling to pack his things for a trip of a couple of days. Jeno had ten minutes to get ready before Doyoung arrived at his place. Not the first time Doyoung has been so meticulous and secretive about something. And probably not the last time also.

At least this time, they are not traveling in the middle of the night nor to the border of the country. Jeno is legally tied to not say a word about that job that took them six days to finish on the border. Doyoung became international after… what they did there.

Kim Doyoung, the devil’s attorney, and his boss.

Jeno yawns again.

He starts wondering what kind of client they will be involved with this time. For some strange reason Doyoung told him not to pack a suit. Neither he had seen that Doyoung nor Jungwoo brought one. He wonders what kind of client will be that, Doyoung is using sandals to meet up.

One thing that Jeno is for sure is that the next three days will be full of work. The trunk of the car is filled with the enough boxes of papers -papers are not hackable and just burning them is enough to make evidence disappear- that Jeno is sharing the back seat with the suitcases. The suitcases are on the right side, as if they were the most important person -Jeno had heard that the most important person always goes on the right side of the backseat.

Jeno is sure that less than half an hour has passed since they have left the rest stop, but he feels tired. The radio keeps playing. Jungwoo is munching some sweet potato snack and sharing it with Doyoung.

Jeno puts the papers on his hands to a side.

He snuggles on the neck pillow.

It won’t harm him to rest for a bit.

He closes his eyes.

_ “It’s weird that you both are always SO close. You know” Jeno truly doesn’t see anything weird about it. But he remains quiet as the girl at his side tilts closer to him. He can feel his boobs pressed on his arm. He feels the need to push her farther but doesn’t do it at the end. _

_ “We are friends” _

_ “Do you let your friends come so close to the point people think you are kissing?” The girl breathes against his ear. _

_ ‘I’m letting you do so. And you are not even my friend’ It’s what he wants to reply, but he is muted by the uncomfortable feeling of her boobs against his arm again since she has caged his arm holding it against her chest. His heart beats fast. _

_ How did he end up in that situation? He cannot remember it well. He had been alone during lunch break and the girl had taken the chance. It was not an everyday thing for Kim Jeno to be sitting alone eating his lunch. It was not an everyday thing for Huang Renjun to be absent of school. But that was the last thing the girl minded, having trapped Jeno on the stairs of the third floor where not many were there at the moment. _

_ “Or is that you have already kissed?” Jeno feels goosebumps over his body. The goosebumps are uncomfortable. The boobs more. _

_ “We-We haven’t kissed” For some reason, he feels… weird. _

_ The girl laughs. Her boobs shake again. _

_ “I know it, fool. I just…” Her tongue pops out of her mouth and for some stupid reason Jeno follows the motion it does wetting her lips. _

_ She laughs again. _

_ “Wanna try?” Straight to the point. She doesn’t bother with more conversation. _

_ Jeno freezes. _

_ She laughs again. _

_ His arm is released, she is aiming now to press her boobs against his chest. _

_ Something inside Jeno tugs his body far putting some distance with the girl. Jeno ends against the wall. The girl is leaning. She finds it funny. Jeno… is confused. _

_ “I-I can’t.” _

_ “C’mon, fool. It’s not like you have a girlfriend” Jeno is ready to stand up “Or is it that you have a boyfriend?” _

_ Jeno freezes, again. _

_ She laughs, once more. _

_ “Are you dating Renjun? ‘Cause I’ve not seen you with anyone else” She mocks. _

_ “No” For some reason, he feels offended. _

_ “You sure he isn’t your boyfriend? He acts like it. Taking you away from everyone” The girl says as she -little by little- is erasing the distance that Jeno had put seconds ago. _

_ “We are friends”. _

_ “So, you are the kind who lets your friend so SO close. Like you let him take your hand, rest his head on your lap, hug you… You sure you haven’t kissed? No need to be shy, Jeno. Tell me” _

_ “It’s not like that. We’re friends” _

_ Silence. _

_ “We’re friends. That’s all” He repeats. _

_ The tip of the nose of the girl bumps against his. _

_ “You are weird” _

_ Her breath is the one of bubble gum. _

_ “Friends don’t touch each other so much. Even more two boys. It’s weird” _

_ Jeno wants to reply, but his brain decides to prioritize evading the lips of the girl rather than the response. The girl ends kissing his left side. _

_ She laughs again. _

_ “You have such a cute mole here” She says kissing the place again. _

_ Jeno does not stop her. _

_ “If we kiss, people will stop seeing you as weird.” _

_ “What?” The girl scoffs as Jeno escapes once more her intentions by holding her by her shoulders. “Me? Weird?” _

_ “It’s Renjun. I told you… you’re weird… together. Everyone thinks so. Always so close. As a couple” _

_ Something similar to cold water is what Jeno feels running down his spine. _

_ “We’re not dating” Jeno repeats for the umpteenth time “Renjun is not… weird. Neither am. Please, don’t talk about him like that” _

_ The girl rolls her eyes. She slaps Jeno’s arms away as she stands up. _

_ “You sure? Just think about how close you are, fool” _

_ She leaves him there… confused. He stands up, ready to follow the girl and ask more questions. But, he freezes, once more. Right on the same path that the girl has taken, Na Jaemin is watching him. _

_ Jeno blushes, even more than he has already. _

_ His mouth opens and closes again. He is not sure how much of that Jaemin has witnessed. _

_ Jaemin opens his mouth and closes it again, too. _

_ “Boys can date boys” It’s what Jaemin finally says before disappearing from who knows where. _

_ Jeno pretends to be sick for the rest of the day. He hides in the infirmary. _

__

__

_ “Are you sure you are okay?” Jeno stands up abruptly as Renjun’s hands tried to touch his forehead. Renjun frowns, confused. _

_ Jeno is confused too. _

_ Very confused. _

_ “I think it is better if you just copy my homework. I-I already did it. It’s not like you were going to understand it anyway” The frown disappears. The cheeks of Renjun get colored. His eyes open wide. Embarrassed. _

_ “It’s difficult for me… you know that I’ve never could do Maths” Something stings on Jeno’s chest as he sees the pained expression on Renjun’s face. Renjun drops his head “You told me it was okay to ask you. That you could explain to me. You know that… I didn’t want to be absent today” His father had arrived two days ago. And… he had taken Renjun somewhere “I’m trying hard, but it’s difficult” The last statement is a whisper. _

_ Jeno’s apology is at the tip of his tongue. _

_ Weird _

_ “I’m tired. Okay? Just… copy it. That’s all” And he leaves the room. _

__

__

_ Right before they enter the building, Jeno drags him to a side. Between some trees. Somewhere difficult for anyone to see them. _

_ “Jeno. What’s going on?” Renjun stares at him concerned. His eyes are round and full of worry. Jeno quickly releases his grip on Renjun’s arm as it had burned him. _

_ Renjun notices it. _

_ “I’ve been thinking that it’s better if we take some time off.” _

_ “What? Time off? What do you-?” _

_ “Alone” He interrupts rudely. “I just… want some time for myself. I mean… we spend so much time together. Isn’t it tiresome to be with me all day?” _

_ “No.” _

_ Renjun is honest. Jeno is lying to himself. _

_ “Renjun” He is offensive, as a wounded animal “It’s… weird that we spend too much together” That word tastes so bitter on his mouth. _

_ “Are you… uncomfortable with me?” _

_ “I’m just tired. Okay?” _

_ “Are you tired of me?” _

_ The sting goes deeper on his chest. _

_ “… yes. Well, just a little. No, I mean-” Renjun is not able to say anything else “. It’s just for a couple of days. Okay? I just… need to be far from you” _

_Jeno hides in the library for the rest of the week during the break. From there, he sees Renjun sitting alone on_ _the banquettes outside the building._

_ He just… sees him… from far. _

__

__

_ “Don’t do that” He hissed mad. _

_ “I didn’t-” Jeno doesn’t think twice before shoving him off of his shoulder. _

_ Renjun trips, falling on the floor. _

_ The sound of a whistle is heard. _

_ The attention of the whole class is on them. _

_ “Kim, what did you do?” Jeno’s heart jumps on his chest as the P.E. teacher approaches them. _

_ “I-It was my fault, sir. I… fell” Renjun interrupts still on the floor. Jeno cannot even make an excuse. They were doing just stretching exercises with the pairs they had chosen at the beginning of the year. Renjun had leaned to close for some support, since their height difference made it more difficult for him. _

_ “Kid, I just saw him pushing you a-” _

_ “Gosh. He’s bleeding” A girl shrinks on the crowd that has formed around them. _

_ In that moment, Jeno sees a cut on one of Renjun’s knees. _

_ “Kim!” The teacher decides to prioritize the scolding. _

_ “Sir” Renjun calls again. Unattended. “It was my fault. I… It wasn’t Jeno's intention” He insists “Right?” Both of them -Renjun and the teacher- see him, all of the class sees him. _

_ “Yeah” It is his weak response. _

_ Jeno remains quiet as Mr. Moon nags at Renjun for not being cautious at school once they are home. _

__

__

_ The soft tug to his glasses is what wakes him up. _

_ “Sorry” It’s a whisper that Renjun pronounces. _

_ His glasses slip to the middle of his nose as he blinks trying to wake up. The glasses slip due to Renjun’s attempt to take them off. _

_ Jeno is disoriented for a couple of seconds. Then, he recalls falling asleep on the middle of the class. The sports festival at the school is going to happen soon, so they are on a free hour. Not many people are in the saloon. _

_ “Sorry, I tried to take them off” His head turns to the direction of the voice. Renjun is standing in front of him. Leaning close to him. Close “You fell asleep and you had told me how uncomfortable it is to sleep with them on. So-” _

_ “Did you touch me?” _

_ Renjun gasps as a response to his hostile voice. _

_ “I-It was only your glasses. I just-” He is nervous “Just like this. See?” Renjun’s hand approaches his face. _

_ A dry slap is the sound that everyone hears next. _

_ Renjun’s thumb has unintentionally caressed the skin on his cheekbone. Right where his mole was. _

_ Jeno’s hand throbs. Renjun’s hand too. _

_ “Don’t. Dare. To. Touch. Me. Again.” Jeno can feel that everyone is seeing them. _

_ Renjun’s bottom lip starts to tremble. His eyes are becoming red. The same color as the place where Jeno hit him. The same as his cheeks, humiliated. _

_ Jeno hears Jaemin’s voice as he leaves the room without sparing a second glance to Renjun. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ Renjun’s voice cracks as he answers “Yes. It’s nothing” _

__

__

_ No one says a thing. They don’t say anything at all. _

_ It’s the morning of the sports festival. _

_ Mr. Moon forces Renjun to go. He warns Renjun that he cannot longer keep skipping school. Jeno keeps his head down eating his breakfast as Renjun is scolded once more in front of him. _

__

__

_ “Je-no” She makes a dramatic pause between the syllables. _

_ He does not stop his track. _

_ “Hey, you. I’m talking to you, fool” She runs towards him. Before he can escape inside the men’s bathroom, she grabs his arm and he can feel his boobs again. _

_ “What do you want?” _

_ “Why so angry?” Jeno shakes his arm trying to be free. _

_ “What do you want?” _

_ “Just wanted to say hi” She scoffs as Jeno pushes her not so lightly “Don’t be rude” And now she has his hand between hers. _

_ “Let go” She pouts, shaking her head. _

_ “No. Give me my kiss” _

_ “What?” Jeno says. Renjun mimics, standing a couple of meters away from them. _

_ Both Jeno and the girl turn towards him. He is staring at them both. His eyes soon fall on their hands connected. Then, they jump to Jeno, he doesn’t even pay attention to the girl. _

_ Jeno’s guts contract themselves. _

_ A tickling sensation on the back of his head appears. Before he can name the type of feeling that has caused it, he forcefully makes the girl drop his hand. He turns immediately, hiding himself in the bathroom. _

_ Jeno stands in the middle of the empty place feeling his heart go faster and his stomach empty. He feels that he needs to throw up. _

_ Renjun enters the room almost immediately. _

_ Jeno’s heart now jumps. _

_ Renjun leans against the metallic door, as he is trying to stop a monster from coming inside. As he is protecting Jeno from anything that can come from outside. _

_ “Get-” Before Jeno has the chance to end the command, Renjun asks. _

_ His chest heaves at a fast speed, but the words roll out of his mouth firmly “Why can she touch you and I can’t?” Jeno holds his breath, and his uneasy heart. _

_ Renjun had always been the brave one between them. _

_ Jeno turns. “Get out” _

_ “Why her and not me?” No, Jeno cannot keep running away. It had been enough for Renjun “Why not me?” _

_ Jeno is a coward. _

_ “I don’t know what you are-” _

_ “Do you like her?” Renjun’s voice had never been so stern. _

_ Jeno’s heart is so difficult to control. _

_ “What? No. I don’t like her.” The need to clarify it overpowers everything else. _

_ A beat of silence. “So why do you let her touch you? Why can she hold your hand?” _

_ “I-I just-” _

_ ‘I’m confused’ _

_ Jeno drops his head. He tries to escape, but Renjun obstacles the only exit. _

_ “Why?” Renjun cannot hide it anymore, he is also afraid. “Jeno… tell me. Please” The voice of Renjun now fluctuates “I need to know why I did for you to hate me” Those words are so wrong. _

_ His own self betrays him making him spurt it desperately “I don’t-I don’t do it” _

_ Jeno then notices that that has been the closest he had been to Renjun during the last weeks. Renjun against the metallic door and Jeno standing in front of him. The tips of their shoes are touching. Jeno needs to tilt a couple of centimeters more to rest his head against Renjun’s. If Jeno stretches his fingers, he could intertwine them with Renjun’s. _

_ That has been the most they have talked too. _

_ “I don’t hate you” He repeats as Renjun stands in front of him with his bottom lip trembling and tears ready to fall. _

_ “If you don’t do it, let me hold your hand” This time his voice is stern again. _

_ Renjun has fixated a goal. As long as he wants it, he gets it. No one can stop him the moment he has made a decision. _

_ And Jeno has run out of excuses and… it hurts him seeing Renjun hurt. _

_ It is his pinky that starts everything. Jeno’s pinky grazes over Renjun’s hand. It is Renjun, the one that takes his hand on his. A strong grip that none of them wants to let go. _

_ Jeno’s heart is desperately knocking against his ribcage. Renjun is just holding his hand, and his insides are a mess. _

_ “You don’t hate me,” Renjun says with eyes on his hands together. His voice trembles a bit. _

_ It is so difficult for Jeno to breath. _

_ “I don’t-” Jeno’s words fade as neither he nor Renjun had noticed tilting close. Jeno’s lips hovering over Renjun’s nose. _

_ Renjun raises his eyes connecting them with Jeno’s. And… Renjun’s eyes have never been so brown and shining and… beautiful. _

_ The tip of Renjun’s nose is tickling the tip of his nose. _

_ His breath is caressing his lips and… _

_ Jeno crushes Renjun’s hand on his with the same force as the realization comes to him. _

_ ‘I want to kiss you’ _

_ “… Jun” Jeno cannot do anything else than say that sweet nickname. Renjun is the same, staring at him unable to move. So close. His cheeks are red. _

_ Jeno feels an urgency in his guts having Renjun so close. _

_ Renjun is the one who wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. _

_ “I-” The confession gets trapped in his mouth; the lonely word that had left his lips makes Renjun shiver. He shivers too. “I- ” _

_ ‘I like you’ _

_ ‘I lo-’ _

_ The metallic door is opened. _

_ Renjun is pushed forward. _

_ Renjun collides against him. _

_ Renjun’s lips end against the corners of his lips. _

_ The next seconds, hell breaks. _

_ He and Renjun are on the floor, having lost balance because of the impact. Renjun was quite confused due to the hit of the door against his head. He is plastered against Jeno’s chest. _

_ Three boys are on the door eyeing them. _

_ “Sorry for the interruption” One of them snickers enjoying the situation. One of their classmates. _

_ Other whistles and laughs as Renjun whimpers his right hand rubbing the back of his head pained by the hit. _

_ Jeno feels his heart explode on the middle of his chest. _

_ “Pair of weirdos” A disgusting comment from someone from the door. _

_ And that’s all that takes Jeno to push Renjun off him, making him crash against the wall. He stands up and he is welcomed by his reflection on the mirror. _

_ His hair disheveled and his cheeks red. _

_ The place that Renjun’s lip touched throbbing. _

_ Weird _

_ “I hate you” That’s the only thing that Jeno mutters pushing his way out of the bathroom. He never turned back as Renjun kept calling his name. _

_ Jeno… ran. _

_ Jeno ran away from him. _

__

__

_ The tears wanted to fall. They were burning against his eyes, but… he was not going to let them fall. _

_ His hands trembled and… his heart too. _

_ He just- _

_ Renjun kis- _

_ He buried his face against his hands. _

_ It was so confusing. _

_ He- _

_ Renjun- _

_ His teeth pressed against the flesh on his lips. He pressed them with enough strength to pierce the skin. _

_ He could hear at the distance the sound of whistles. He could also hear the cheers of crowds. _

_ Everyone seemed to be so happy. It was the sports festival. Of course, everyone was happy. No class at all. Just games for the next three days. Even they were allowed to go home one hour earlier than usual. _

_ Jeno keeps hiding behind the library building. _

_ He cannot stop feeling Renjun’s lips so close to his. It had happened hours ago, but… _

_ Jeno groaned, still hiding his face on his hands. _

_ He was scared. _

_ He was confused. _

_ His mind was a mess. _

_ And, he was a coward. _

_ He avoided every single thought of Renjun. He could not bear to think about him. Not now. Maybe not ever. _

_ He could care less to be one of the representatives of his classroom for the relay race. He did not care that his tutor had already marked him absent. He could not go there and face Renjun. He could not. _

_ Why was he feeling so tormented by him? _

_ Why was that everything feel so different with him? _

_ Why… was that Jeno felt something for him? _

_ Why did he think of telling him that he liked him? _

_ It was wrong. _

_ It was… weird. _

_ The static sound of a radio being connected echoed the whole place. _

_ The voice of the principal resounded from the loudspeakers announcing that the activities of the day had finished. _

_ Jeno trembled. _

_ Time to go home. _

__

__

_ He feels like a criminal. He tries to cover himself between the crowd of students that are leaving through the main gate. He lowers his head trying to hide his face. His hands become cold and his heart jumps on his chest as he sees from the corner of his eye a black sedan parked meters away from the gate. _

_ Jeno walks faster leaving the car behind, hidden between some seniors. Johnny will probably ask some things. He had asked him already if something was wrong. _

_ “Is something going on with Junnie? He seems… sad” It was what Johnny had told days ago. And Jeno, as the coward he was, decided to blame school when all of that mess… was his fault. _

_ Jeno knew he wasn’t ready to see Renjun. Not with the place where Renjun’s lips had touched still burning Jeno. _

_ He couldn’t run away forever, he knew it. But, at least, he could unfairly borrow a couple of hours. _

_ He kept walking leaving the school behind and taking a long route home. _

__

__

_ The chirping of the crickets was loud as the night grew cooler. As cool as it can get close to summer. _

_ It was late. _

_ It was the first time ever Jeno was out that late. _

_ It was the first time ever, after having met Renjun, that Jeno was alone while he was out. _

_ Jeno is not sure if he will be scolded. It is a completely new scenario that he never thought he would be involved. He doesn’t have a phone to be contacted. Since Renjun was the one with a phone and always by his side, it had never been necessary. _

_ He wonders what- _

_ He can’t even picture what will happen or what he will say. He doesn’t want to go back home, but he can’t keep escaping. _

_ His steps are short. His speed is slow. His heart hammers against his chest as every step is driving him closer to that big house. _

_ To… Renjun. _

_ In his mind, the lies that he is going to say are being practiced. _

_ Where were you? With a friend, he is going to reply. He actually had been hiding on a small park five blocks away. _

_ Why did you go without saying a thing? I forgot, sorry. _

_ Why did you fight with Renjun? He knows that question is never going to appear. He knows that Renjun is never going to snitch him. _

_ Jeno is not afraid that Mr. Moon is going to scold him. He is sure that Renjun had covered for him. Jeno knows that Renjun will probably have made an excuse. No matter how Jeno had wronged him… Renjun will protect him. That Renjun will look for him. That- _

_ Jeno is nervous because Renjun. Renjun being there. Renjun. Renjun. _

_ His steps waver as he sees the lonely light on the block that brightens the one and only entry to the house. Two black cars are parked in front of the entrance. Two men outside. His hands sweat as he from the distance recognizes the tall figure of one of the men at the entrance. _

_ It’s Johnny. _

_ And… things are no right. _

_ Jeno stops on his track meters away. He knows he is in trouble because there is a cigarette on Johnny’s hand. Mr. Moon doesn’t like the smell and such item is a forgiven token in the house. Jeno knows too well the face of disgust of Mr. Moon does when a guest decides to smoke inside the house. Mr. Moon has even shown that face when Renjun’s father had smoked. There are counted occasions that Jeno has witnessed Johnny smoke. And none of them had involved happy times. _

_ Johnny crunches down, still holding half of the cigarette on his hand. He lowers his head and groans. _

_ He is mad. _

_ Jeno is paralyzed. _

_ He… is scared. _

_ The other man next to Johnny calls Johnny’s name and pats his shoulder calling for his attention. Jeno panics since the man has his eyes fixed on Jeno. Johnny’s head whips towards his direction and Jeno feels his legs wobble as their eyes connect. _

_ The man rushes inside as Johnny drops the cigarette and rushes towards Jeno. Jeno takes a step back, afraid. Jeno feels afraid although Johnny’s eyes are full of surprise and… relief. _

_ Johnny’s rough and calloused hands hold Jeno’s face. Jeno holds the whimper that the desperate action of grabbing his face and inspecting it that Johnny has bumpily made provokes. _

_ The smell of tobacco is not welcomed by him. _

_ Johnny smiles making some wrinkles appear on his eyes “Jen-” Johnny blinks fast and frowns immediately. Noticing something. “Where is Renjun?” _

_ Jeno has no time to ask since rushed footsteps are heard from the entrance. The man that had been previously been with Johnny has called people from inside. _

_ The first person to appear is Mr. Moon. Then, three or five other men appear behind him. _

_ “Where is Renjun?” Johnny asks, letting his face free and shaking his shoulders. _

_ “W-What?” _

_ Mr. Moon is now trailing towards them. _

_ “Jeno” He can read on Mr. Moon’s lips as he walks towards them. _

_ “Jeno, please. Was Renjun with you?” _

_ “What?” It’s the only thing that Jeno can say, unable to comprehend the situation. _

_ Astonished, more than anything. _

_ “Jeno. Where is Renjun?” Johnny -unconsciously- grasps his shoulders with more force. The tint of desperation is present on his voice. _

_ Jeno has never heard such a thing before. _

_ “W-Why? Where should Renjun be? Why are you asking?” _

_ Jeno’s eyes jump between Johnny’s face and Mr. Moon. _

_ The night is chill, but Jeno can feel Johnny tremble. _

_ Mr. Moon reaches them. _

_ “Where is Renjun?” This time, Jeno is the one who asks. His eyes are still jumping between them. _

_ Johnny turns his head and with only a look, he and Mr. Moon understand. _

_ The look on their faces makes Jeno tremble. _

_ Now, Jeno is terrified. _

_ “Wha-What happened with Jun?” _

__

__

_ It had been his fault. _

_ He is sixteen. _

_ He is sixteen and he is standing in front of a door that has a discolored decal of Moomin right in the middle. The hall is quiet, but the lights are still on considering it’s only 8 p.m. Jeno’s breath was heavy and something on the back of his head tickled. A feeling. _

_ It was guilt. _

_ It had been his fault. _

_ His heart was beating fast and the adrenaline on his body was drying off. _

_ Jeno considered those days as the worst days’ ever. He is sure he will never forget them. Never. _

_ Those past two days had been hell. _

_ He is still standing in front of the door. A part of him -the one that feels guilty- is telling him that he should turn around and go back to his room. The other part of him -the one that is concerned and has been gnawing his insides the past days- is taking control over his body making him slide the door and enter the room. _

_ The curtains are still not drawn and the lights are off. Jeno closes the door behind him and does not dare to move from his spot. The room is still a mess as how Renjun left it, two nights before. There are clothes on the floor and the wardrobe is still open and clothes toasted on the floor. Renjun’s books are still scattered on the floor. His backpack is missing. _

_ The sheets, that were supposed to cover the bed, are on the floor. _

_ Without a second thought, Jeno sits on the edge of the bed. _

_ Waiting. _

_ It had been his fault. _

_ His hands tremble as he runs them through his hair. His right leg is moving, impatient. _

_ He hasn’t sleep. _

_ He hasn’t eaten. _

_ It was his fault. _

_ If he hadn’t left by himself. If he had stayed with him. If he had been with him… _

_ It was his fault that Renjun had been kidnapped. _

_ Johnny had forgotten to pick them up one-hour sooner that day. In addition to that, he had arrived half an hour late from the usual-no-festival-time. He expected to find Renjun and Jeno waiting for him as the previous times when he arrived late had happened, but he found no one there. _

_ Johnny had called Renjun’s phone thinking they were probably still inside the school because Mr. Moon had always instructed them to stay there until someone was there to pick them up. They had been scolded years ago for going home by themselves. But the place was empty. Renjun’s phone sent him to the voicemail. _

_ Johnny decided to call Mr. Moon and… no one knew anything. _

_ Since both of them were missing, everyone expected that they decided to go somewhere without telling anyone. Mr. Moon had truly wanted that that was the situation. _

_ But with him -Jeno- arriving alone in the middle of the night without any idea about what happened telling that he had left alone but seeing a black sedan outside the school made everyone realize that something bad happened. _

_ Jeno stood frozen in the middle of office of Mr. Moon, unable to process the fact that someone had taken Renjun away. He couldn’t think. _

_ “I don’t know” It was the only thing he had repeated over again, still numb from the situation. _

_ Jeno thought he was dreaming refuting the fact that someone had Renjun, that Renjun was in danger. He barely slept that night. He had been staring at the ceiling with his mind emptied. His body by his own -more routine than anything- woke himself to go to school. He put on his uniform -an automatic action- and went to take breakfast. The three people there looked as if they hadn't gone to sleep yet. They were surprised by Jeno's appearance. _

_ The old lady there did not have time to say a thing as Johnny rushed there to ask for coffee and saw Jeno sitting as usual on his spot on the counter. _

_ “Jeno. I… It’s better if you stay here today. Right now…” Johnny sounded tired. _

_ “Is not a dream, right?” Jeno asked, staring at the empty seat in front of him that should be occupied by a sleepy Renjun right now. _

_ “What? Jeno… you-?” _

_ Jeno turned his eyes to Johnny shutting him completely as the tears started to fall without control. _

_ Johnny hugged him as he sobbed desperately repeating again and again “Sorry” _

_ Jeno spent the rest of the morning making guard on the door of Renjun’s room, waiting for… him. Someone in the house made him go to his room promising to tell him any news. It was not until afternoon arrived and someone brought him something to eat that he decided to go to Mr. Moon. _

_ “Bring him back” It was what Jeno had screamed at Mr. Moon after he yelled at him telling he shouldn’t meddle into that. Everyone went dead silent, Kim Jeno was the golden boy who always did what he was told and was quiet. He screaming at Mr. Moon was a development no one thought would happen “Please, bring him back. Please. Please” Jeno added kneeling desperate. There was nothing else he could do but ask for something to be done. He couldn’t do anything else. _

_ Mr. Moon promised him that he would bring Renjun back. _

_ And, he had done so. _

_ Around 8 p.m. the old lady in charge of cooking called him to eat something. Jeno had no will to do so, but a “in case if anything happens. You need at least to not be hungry. Okay?” A vague and unsettling statement that dragged Jeno to the kitchen. _

_ He had taken a third spoon of the bowl full of soup when someone rushed to the kitchen. _

_ “They found him. They are coming back” _

_ Jeno wasn’t told anything at all about the situation. He only knew that someone had taken Renjun. No idea of the motives. _

_ His first instinct was to wait for Renjun at the doorstep of the house. But his mother catching him in the middle of the hall stopped him. _

_ “Do you think if you’d have abandoned him sooner, they would have disposed of him?” His mother asked “You should have left him way ago. We wouldn’t have to still deal with him. You almost did well. You almost got him killed” _

_ It had been his fault, Jeno knew. _

_ Renjun had been in an unknown danger. All because of his selfishness. And even with all of the mistakes weighing heavy on his back, he is waiting inside Renjun’s room. For him. _

_ He needs to see him. _

_ He…. _

_ The door is opened. _

_ The lights are not turned on, but the light coming from the hall is bright enough to illuminate Jeno’s silhouette. Jeno knows he has seen him, because he is still there by the door. The light coming from the hall is bright enough that Jeno can his appearance too. _

_ Renjun’s hair is still damp from the shower. Some of the drops of water fall on his shoulders wetting his pajamas. There is gauze on his whole left cheek that covers a scrape there. His eyes are swollen and the bags under them that have never been so dark. A purplish bruise is also tainting his face. It is above his left eyebrow. The size of a big coin. _

_ Jeno’s heart spikes his beat. _

_ Renjun is there. _

_ His chest heaves abruptly. _

_ Renjun keeps seeing him there, immobile. _

_ Jeno stands up. _

_ Renjun immediately closes the door. _

_ Alone. _

_ Jeno rushes in front of him. _

_ It had been his fault. _

_ All of that mess had been his fault. _

_ If only Jeno had not acted as a complete idiot. _

_ Jeno absolutely loses. _

_ “Junnie” The nickname slips on his lips as Jeno starts weeping, for the umpteenth time that day. “’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” He repeats falling on his knees “Sorry. Sorry” The words become unintelligible as he babbles “I-I was scared. I was scared. It was my fault. Sorry” _

_ His head is on the floor bowing. Body trembling as he chokes on his tears. _

_ Silence. _

_ The whimpers of Jeno echo the place. _

_ “Sorry” He repeats over and over again. _

_ The wooden floor cracks as Renjun moves. _

_ “Jeno.” Renjun calls, making him raise his head a little. It was enough for him to see Renjun’s hand approaching his face. It is aimed to clean the tears on his cheeks, but Renjun stops himself letting his fingers linger millimeters away from his skin. _

_ ‘I just… need to be far from you’ _

_ ‘Don’t. Dare. To. Touch. Me. Again.’ _

_ ‘I hate you’ _

_ If something had happened to Renjun, that will have been the last thing he had said to him. _

_ That lie. _

_ Jeno’s body convulsions at the spurt of emotions. His position on the floor complicated the air flow to his lungs making him choke in between the cries and apologies. _

_ Renjun is the one that loses his composure now. _

_ His knees clank against the floor as he crawls in Jeno's direction. _

_ “Jen. Jeno, please. Breathe. Breathe” The cold fingers of Renjun cupping his face it’s not what makes Jeno shiver. It is how much he had missed the contact. “Jeno. Breathe” Renjun says kneeling in front of him. Supporting him. “Please, Jeno. Jeno” _

_ It is not until Renjun grabs Jeno in between his arms, holding him with all his strength against his chest, that Jeno starts to calm down. _

_ “Breathe. Breathe” Renjun instructs as his hands caress his back. _

_ Jeno can feel Renjun’s heart beating against him. _

_ Little by little, Jeno composes himself. _

_ “Sorry” is what Jeno manages to say before leaning on Renjun hiding himself- ashamed- on Renjun’s juncture of neck and shoulder “Forgive me,” he pleads, arms trembling as he tries to hold Renjun too. _

_ He is scared of rejection. He knows that he deserves it. _

_ Renjun hesitates a couple of seconds. His breath shakes. _

_ “Forgive me, Jun. Please. Please.” The pleas are a desperate call. _

_ Silence. _

_ Then, Renjun whimpers and now, Jeno is not sure who, between them, is trembling the most. _

_ Renjun presses his arms on Jeno’s body with a strength Jeno didn’t know he had. Jeno replicates the hug, as they were holding for their life on it. _

_ “Jeno” His name leaves his lips as a whisper. _

_ No sign of resentment. _

_ Only… fondness. _

_ No one says a thing as they remain there. On the middle of the floor, holding each other as they will disappear at any moment. _

_ Forgiven of everything. No explanations needed. _

__

_ Renjun’s hair is now dried. _

_ Jeno is hiccuping, head rested against Renjun’s chest. Not the best position since Renjun is smaller than him, and they are on the floor, Renjun leaning against the bed frame. Jeno raises his head and Renjun is giving him a soft little smile. _

_ The tears are still drying off on their cheeks. They tickle. _

_ Jeno sobs his nose and raises his head from Renjun's chest. _

_ His eyes are heavy by the puffiness of his eyelids. His eyes always become puffy after crying. _

_ Renjun takes a deep breath. He trembles as he does so. _

_ Jeno leans, this time, he presses his forehead on Renjun’s cheek. _

_ “Sorry” His voice breaks so he repeats the apology “I’m sorry for what I said, Jun. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did. I’m sorry” _

_ Renjun shakes his head. He lowers a bit allowing Jeno to press their foreheads together. _

_ A warm sensation is growing on Jeno’s stomach. _

_ “It’s okay. It’s okay” _

_ Jeno's trembling hands are now cupping Renjun’s face. _

_ So close. _

_ Renjun’s hand is over one of his now too. His thumb caresses the back of Jeno’s hand. _

_ “I’m sorry” _

_ That little comforting smile is still on Renjun’s lips. _

_ “It’s okay. It’s okay. Please, just- don’t keep crying. Don’t cry” He asks in a whisper. They are too close that they do not need to raise their voices. _

_ Renjun had never liked seeing Jeno cry. _

_ Jeno bits his bottom lip as he tries to hush the whimpers again. He only notices that he has started to cry again when the tears are tickling his jaw. _

_ “Sorry” Jeno’s voice breaks and he tries to retrieve himself to clean the tears. Renjun holds him still. Still holding him close, still pressing their foreheads together. _

_ “You shouldn’t cry,” Renjun says. _

_ Jeno nods, letting himself melt on the warmth of Renjun’s palms on his face. _

_ The tips of their noses brush against each other when Jeno moves. _

_ Renjun smiles. _

_ Jeno gulps “Forget what I said. Okay? Please, forget it” _

_ A little confusion clouds Renjun for a second. Then, Jeno can feel him tense. _

_ “No, please. Jun” Jeno pleads at the small amount of distance Renjun tried to retract. Jeno grabs Renjun’s hands in place on his face “You can touch me. You can do whatever you want. Please. I-” _

_ “You don’t hate it?” Jeno shakes his head. _

_ “No. I‘ve never hated it” _

_ Jeno takes a deep breath feeling his whole body trembled -overwhelmed. _

_ “I like it” As a proof, Jeno moves his head to each of his sides, still holding on Renjun’s hands. He kisses the palms of each one. _

_ Renjun holds his breath as he asks.  _

_ “Do you… hate me?” _

_ “No” _

_ Jeno is the one who shivers at the declaration. _

_ “No. No. I don’t hate you. I have never hated you. I won’t ever hate you, Jun. Never” Renjun is still a little hesitant. His eyes quiver. _

_ “I don’t hate you, Jun. I don’t hate you” _

_ Driven by the feelings of the last days, and the last couple of weeks, Jeno drags Renjun into his arms. _

_ “I don’t hate you,” he whispers in his ear pressing Renjun on his chest. “I don’t.” _

_ And without giving it a second though, Jeno tilts kissing his right cheek. So fast. _

_ Renjun laughs. He props himself up to see his face. _

_ “It tickled” _

_ Jeno tilts kissing the same place again. _

_ Renjun laughs again, but he soon stops as he feels Jeno once again cupping his face and kissing the tip of his nose. _

_ Jeno cannot see that his own eyes seem to have taken a darker tone. _

_ Jeno gulps. _

_ “I don’t hate you,” he declares on Renjun’s ear again kissing the shell of it. His lips move under it, to his jaw. Another kiss. Another kiss on his cheek again. Carefully, Jeno moves to the left side of Renjun’s face, where the gauze is. His insides constrict as he cautiously lies a kiss also there, where an injury is. Jeno is ready to apologize again, but his lips are busy kissing the bruise over the left eyebrow. Then, both of his eyelids. Again, on his other cheek. _

_ Jeno stops his movements as the tips of his noses brush against each other, again. _

_ Jeno’s heart beat fast. _

_ Renjun’s eyes are on him. _

_ Those bright brown eyes. _

_ Jeno is sure he can see stars on them. _

_ “Jeno” Renjun’s heavy breath tickles his lips. His cheeks are red. Jeno’s cheeks are red too. _

_ Jeno wets his lips with the tip of his tongue, Renjun notices the action. He also notices the eyes of Jeno focused on his lips too. _

_ Both jump at the sound of the door being knocked. _

_ “Renjun.” It is Johnny. _

_ Jeno panics. _

_ Jeno tries to retrieve but Renjun grabs him before he can make a move. Embarrassment washes over him, feeling a burning sensation over all of his body. _

_ Renjun puts his hand over his mouth and without saying a word, just a vague movement with his eyes is all that takes Jeno to understand to not move nor make any noise. _

_ “Renjun” The knocking is lighter, and Johnny’s voice is softer. _

_ Renjun doesn’t answer. _

_ “Renjun” Johnny now whispers, and after a couple of seconds his footsteps are heard leaving. _

_ Silence. _

_ Renjun drops his hand from over his mouth. He doesn’t let Jeno ask anything. _

_ “Stay” It’s the only thing he says.  _

_ Jeno feels the embarrassment run over Renjun as his eyes avoid him. The tint of blush is on his cheeks. _

_ Jeno smiles. _

__

__

_ Jeno giggles and feels Renjun attempting to hit him with his elbow. Jeno is faster, he extends his arms and wraps Renjun against his chest stopping him. _

_ “Jeno” He whispers as a warning. _

_ “But you’re small. It’s not my fault” Renjun groans. He is lying behind Renjun. Renjun’s back pressed on his chest. Part of his body is hanging in the air, but Jeno makes it work tilting closer to Renjun. _

_ Everything feels better now. _

_ Finally. _

_ The tiredness of the lack of sleep of the last few days is making him feel drowsy. However, he forces his eyes open staring at Renjun’s face. The left part of it. The place where the gauze and the bruise are. _

_ ‘You almost got him killed’ _

_ Jeno’s body shivers at the words of his mother. _

_ His arms tighten on Renjun’s waist. _

_ “Jen?” _

_ He hides his face on Renjun’s neck. _

_ “I was scared,” A whisper. _

_ Renjun sights and holds Jeno’s hands over his stomach. _

_ “I-I don’t know what I would do if-” Jeno’s voice cracks and he holds his breath unable to mutter that. _

_ “You have me. I’m here” Renjun tries to turn around but Jeno’s hold doesn’t allow him. Jeno doesn’t want Renjun to see that some tears are falling again. But, Renjun surely can feel his state feeling him hiccup behind him. “I won’t ever leave you. I won’t ever go.” _

_ Jeno sobs still hiding on him. _

_ “I… I will always be with you, Jeno. No matter what” _

_ Jeno stores that promise in the deepest part of his heart. _

_ “Never forget it. Okay?” _

_ Jeno hums in agreement. He feels at ease having Renjun safe in his arms. He tries to move again but Jeno’s strong grip holds him still. _

_ Renjun sighs again. _

_ Renjun hugs the arms on his waist. _

_ “Just for today, you will be the big spoon. Tomorrow is my turn” _

_ Jeno giggles again. _

_ He closes his eyes. _

He wakes up calmly, but tears are rolling down his face. His chest is constricted making the action of breath difficult.

“Jeno” The soft call of his name brings him to the present.

He is twenty-six and not sixteen.

He is on the back seat of Doyoung’s car.

Jeno blinks trying to clear his sight blurred by the tears.

“Jeno.  _ Baby _ ” Jeno turns his head. Jungwoo is turned from the front side tilting towards him. His hand over Jeno’s knee -he had probably tried to wake him up minutes prior. 

“Yeah?” He asks, roughness still on his voice. Jungwoo gives him a smile.

“Nightmare,  _ baby _ ?” Jeno smiles at the nickname. Jungwoo has a small frown on his face, showing concern. His hand is still caressing Jeno’s knee.

Jeno doesn’t answer. He only nods and cleans his cheeks sobbing his nose.

Jungwoo smiles again.

Jeno mimics the smile not wanting to worry him more.

“It’s your fault he is like that. You put him under so much stress” Jungwoo nags at his side hitting Doyoung lightly with his fist.

Jeno laughs at the scoff.

Through the mirror view, his eyes connect with Doyoung’s.

_ ‘Are you okay?’ _

Jeno assumes Doyoung is asking. So, Jeno nods and smiles again not wanting to worry him too.

“Or was it what you eat? When you eat too much or something bad can cause you nightmares” Jungwoo still wonders. He turns again towards Doyoung and hits him again on the arm “It’s your fault for giving him cheap food. Who knows how they prepare it. You better pray that that doesn’t upset my stomach too”

“You were the one being bitchy that you didn’t have breakfast” Doyoung defends himself on the driver seat taking a turn to the right.

“Is it my fault that your stingy ass didn’t take us to a decent restaurant?  _ Ha, _ if Jeno gets food poison you better-”

“I’m alright,” Jeno says, completely being ignored.

Doyoung was shaking his head as Jungwoo put his hands on his hips and kept arguing with him about  _ worker-employer  _ benefits.

“You just want a raise. Another raise in less than six months,” Doyoung accused.

“ _ Ha _ . Are you implying that I don’t care about Jeno? And that I’m looking for excuses to have a _better_ and _decent_ payment?”

“Yes.”

Jungwoo scoffed again, offended. “Don’t talk to me. Here,  _ baby _ . Drink this” He turned his attention to Jeno once more with a bottle of water on hand. Doyoung rolled his eyes, stopping at a red light.

Jeno smiled.

Doyoung and Jungwoo, and their antics.

Jeno turned his eyes to a side as he sipped the water. His eyes are fixed on the view outside the car.

“Hope you better be paying for a nice hotel. Not like last time. The hives on my legs took weeks and creams to fade” Jungwoo singsongs.

There are mostly trees and there are no skyscrapers.

“You were the one who left the window open. I must remember you”

Jeno reads the characters on the traffic signs.

Jungwoo pouts. “If I turn the aircon on, my skin gets dry”

“You should better not complain about anything there. We are staying at his house”

Jeno chokes on the water.

Jungwoo starts patting his leg since he can pat his back.

“Jeno?”

The light changes. Some car behind honks making Doyoung start the car again -he had been distracted by Jeno’s choking.

“Where are we?” The younger man manages to say, feeling a burning sensation on his lungs that the water had produced.

“We’re- We’re almost there. Right?” Jungwoo asks Doyoung.

“No, I-” Jeno’s heart beat fast against his heart as he had recognized the names on the traffic signs.

So familiar names of streets.

Jeno starts to move his head to different directions feeling that burning sensation on his lungs expand towards his whole body. It was not the water. The scenery outside is so familiar. Not a dream. Not a memory.

A town.

A town that was on a three-hour-away trip from the capital.

“Surprise. I didn’t want to spoil it” Doyoung tells him “This is Jeno’s hometown” Doyoung announces to Jungwoo, hands on the steering wheel.

Jeno’s mouth goes dry.

“Really?” Jungwoo beams excitedly. But Jeno has his eyes on the path in which they were going. It was well-known by Jeno too.

‘A turn to the right’ He thinks.

Doyoung turns right.

‘Careful, there is a bump”

Doyoung decelerates and carefully goes over the bump.

“Are you really from here? I didn’t know.” Jungwoo tries to call his attention. Jeno’s eyes are stuck on the road.

‘Turn left’ Jeno’s brain recalls.

Doyoung turns left.

His heart is going to implode.

His hands shake.

“Jeno. Are you-? Oh, for goodness’ sake you’re getting pale.”

One more block.

An only big house will be occupying the whole block.

“We’re here,” Doyoung mentions happily as he slowly stops, focused more on following the GPS instructions rather than Jungwoo's desperate call of Jeno’s state.

“Oh. My.  _ Oh. My _ ,” Jungwoo whines.

Doyoung stops the car, behind a black sedan.

A couple of meters away, the only entrance to that big house stands.

Two men are guarding the safe house.

The house he had grown up in.

The house in which he and Renjun had grown up.

The Dong Clan’s main house.

“Doyoung, Jeno isn’t breathing.  _ You, moron. _ I told you those sausages looked strange”

Jungwoo panics thinking it is food poison.

Jeno… Jeno is really  _ fucked _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Yah,” Johnny calls, and with a wooden stick as a weapon, hits the back of the hand of the man “no more for you. If you keep eating, you won’t have appetite for dinner.”
> 
> “Hyung,” he says, rubbing the place Johnny has hit. The spot is already red because of his pale skin.
> 
> “No” And without giving another word, Johnny puts a lid over the plate with the soft bums. Johnny can feel the frown on the face of the man in front of him “Shouldn’t you be somewhere else? Like… with Sicheng?” Johnny asks, eyeing the pale man who has his nose crunched still mad at Johnny for not letting him eat anything else.
> 
> “Headache. Wifey called,” he absentmindedly mentions standing from the table used only for breakfast that now is filled by the side dishes that are going to be served for dinner. He decides to take a mug on the shelves and serves himself a cup of that stinky tea that Sicheng likes.
> 
> “Ah,” Johnny murmurs imagining the scenario.
> 
> That woman had the power to send headaches through international calls. Fantastic.
> 
> “Hey,” Johnny groans seeing the man gulping the beverage “Tae Il’s going to beat your ass if you don’t eat later.” The pale man smiles, showing off his dimples, quite entertained by pissing Johnny off.
> 
> “I’m being serious. And I myself will beat your ass if you don’t eat dinner. I had to wake up at 5 am to go to the market and get the meat,” the pale man smiles again, dimples out again, trying to appease the elder this time.
> 
> Before Johnny gets the chance to complain about having to look at three different stores all over the town to get the spices needed, someone rushes to the kitchen.
> 
> “What are you doing here chit chatting?” Both men in the kitchen quickly straight themselves up as the short man calls them out from the door “Yah, move. They have arrived”
> 
> Johnny retains the sight on his lips as Tae Il rushes out of the kitchen calling for Hendery.
> 
> Johnny feels a hand on his shoulder.
> 
> “So… let the show begin,” Johnny is told. The man at his side smiles once more, making his way to the door.
> 
> Johnny shivers, for some reason.
> 
> Bad augury.


End file.
